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Mysterious unidentified victim in a robbery-homicide case

2020.09.22 22:08 bella_vampira_97 Mysterious unidentified victim in a robbery-homicide case

I write this post hoping it'll catch attention of someone that can help identify the victim. I've tried my best but I can't find any useful picture related to the victim, the information I've found and posted here is all I have Since this post can't get much attention in the sub gratefuldoe, I decide to post it here again.
Hi everyone, finally I decide to write down something because it's been stucked in my head for almost one month. All the homicide cases in which the killer has never been arrested or the victim has never been identified always got my attention, and this case is not an exception. However, I've never thought I would pay so much time and attention to it. This case didn't take place in the US, it's in my country.
On 17-18th august circa, I had a bizarre dream. In my dream, I was following the investigation of a homicide case, and I eventually listened to the confession of the killer. He has killed a woman and has hidden her corpse in a in a field along a rural road. He said that few days later he came back to cover her more thoroughly because he has seen "some strange phenomena".
I was terrifed when I woke up, the dream was so real. I grabbed my phone and searched for something like unidentified woman in homicide case, the corpse in the forest/field,.... Among the first results, one case has catched my attention, I'll write it shortly because WHAT I WANT TO DISCUSS WITH YOU IS THE TRUE ID OF THE VICTIM, not the details of the case. On 19 August 2018 (I was thrilled when I saw the date, I had that dream almost exactly 2 years after the murder), one of the suspect (Hoang Duc Sinh) rided his motorbike from Quang Ngai, province Quang Ngai to province Binh Dinh, there he will meet his accomplice (Nguyen Van Hien) and the two would go for some burglary (they had been burglars with several criminal records). On the road, he met a woman who asked for a ride to Nha Trang city, Khanh Hoa province (further than Binh Dinh province) and he told her to pay an amount of cash for fuel. The woman has accepted. At a gas station, when she pulled out the wallet to pay, Sinh saw that she had lots of cashes and planned to rob her on the road. When they arrived to Binh Dinh provinced, Sinh secretly made a sign for Hien to have him follow. At a certain point in Phu Yen province, the two suspects have strangled the woman and made some other injury, she died and they hid her in a acacia field along the road. Then the two took her money (equivalent to 600$) and thrown her bag into a river. The police department of Phu Yen province had done many methods but they're still not able to identify the victim. That's all the things I 've read on the news. Apparently those few informations didn't satisfy me, so I've decided to make my own research. I've searched for something more regards the case but strangely, I did't find any other information.
Initially I didn't know any information about her range of age, so I think there're some hypothese about the ID of the woman:
1- She could be a runaway long time ago, she may have estranged from her family for many years so when she went missing they didn't know.
2- All her family members are dead and she was currently a single person. She may have been on her way for some small business.
3- The only person that she had (could be her husband, boyfriend, children, sibling,...) may have been in jail or juvenile detention, and she might be on the way to visit them at the time of the murder! (This may explain why nobody reported her missing). There's indeed a temporary detention center in Nha Trang.
4- She could be a single mother and her child/children is/are to small to know how to find her.
5- She could be related to some criminal activies, so her family/accomplices didn't claim her because they were afraid to be arrested.
I've shared what I was thinking with my boyfriend, he said that for him the hypothesis 2 was reasonable. But I think it's not that easy, for me maybe it's a combination between the hypotheses 3 and 4.
Since the following days I still couldn't cash it out of my head, I continued the research. The most precious thing I've found is a document in an open source for judges/lawyers, there're much more things than on the news, eventhough it's not the complete one. The victim is a woman between 40-50 years old. And much to my dismay, I found out that after she died, Sinh has used a rock and beaten her beyond recognition (maybe that's the reason why she can't be IDed through the face). It was gruesome! How could a terrible crime like this be barely shown to the public? The 2 suspects are sentenced for life in prison on November 7th 2019, that's when the first and only news regarding the case were published (with very few informations). Did the police hide something, or the further investigation is still active? I really don't get it, there's never been any information about the victim like facial reconstruction, description of clothing, notable characteristics of the body,... like many other cases in which the victims are unidentified. In the document, they said her belongings found together with her is a blue T-shirt with polka-dot pattern, an yellow shirt, blue pants, pink socks, pink bra and pink underwear, a red hat, a pair of old white sleeves (wrapped in plastic bag), red foodwear (wrapped in plastic bag). Base on the color of her clothing, I think she could be even younger (like 35-40 years old), and she wasn't rich (which may explain why she hitchhiked instead of going on a long-way bus). The police have taken DNA sample of several people with their initiative in the document but of course there's no match. In Vietnam there's no database of DNA informations like Namus, 23andme, ancestry,.. so it's much more difficult. I can't find the complete document about the case because it's not free-accessible. One of the killer - Hien, has appealed on November 8th 2019, the court has accepted the request to investigate more thoroughly. Since they continued the investigation, I really hope that they will do their best to find the true ID of the woman and bring her home so her family can have closure. I feel extremely sorry for her because she died in the most painful and lonely way. She could be mother, sister, friend of someone. I don't live in Vietnam since a couple of years ago so I don't have many connections that can help search for some informations, even if I was in Vietnam, it would still be difficult because those are supposed to be police's work.
Here is the map of important places in the case: https://www.google.com/maps/diC%E1%BA%A7u+B%E1%BB%93ng+S%C6%A1n+M%E1%BB%9Bi,+B%E1%BB%93ng+S%C6%A1n,+Ho%C3%A0i+Nh%C6%A1n,+B%C3%ACnh+%C4%90%E1%BB%8Bnh,+Vi%E1%BB%87t+Nam/Dieu+Tri,+Th%C3%B4n+Giang+Nam,+B%C3%ACnh+%C4%90%E1%BB%8Bnh,+Vi%E1%BB%87t+Nam/Th%E1%BB%8B+x%C3%A3+S%C3%B4ng+C%E1%BA%A7u,+Ph%C3%BA+Y%C3%AAn,+Vi%E1%BB%87t+Nam/%C4%90T644,+S%C3%B4ng+C%E1%BA%A7u,+Ph%C3%BA+Y%C3%AAn,+Vi%E1%BB%87t+Nam/Nha+Trang,+Kh%C3%A1nh+H%C3%B2a,+Vi%E1%BB%87t+Nam/@13.4156498,108.8947592,8.52z/data=!4m32!4m31!1m5!1m1!1s0x3168cffabcf4c7b5:0x371ff54b1699db9e!2m2!1d109.0085671!2d14.4154055!1m5!1m1!1s0x316f148f36aafd53:0xa842973865d5644f!2m2!1d109.1553021!2d13.8101029!1m5!1m1!1s0x316f9f3feb73545b:0xa487d74a1cc56499!2m2!1d109.1991932!2d13.5809065!1m5!1m1!1s0x316fa7b2b10c8de3:0x6ef5bc1894ab88d0!2m2!1d109.1124639!2d13.5320764!1m5!1m1!1s0x3170677811cc886f:0x5c4bbc0aa81edcb9!2m2!1d109.1967488!2d12.2387911!3e0
I explain:
In case this post can catch attention of some vietnamese, here are some link regarding the case:
https://thuvienphapluat.vn/banan/ban-an/ban-an-682020hspt-ngay-18052020-ve-toi-giet-nguoi-va-toi-cuop-tai-san-134935 https://congly.vn/phap-dinh/toa-tuyen-an/sat-hai-nguoi-phu-nu-di-nho-xe-cuop-tai-san-320104.html
For the vietnameses: if you know a woman who vanished in August 2018, please contact the police department of Phu Yen province. Your information may help identify the victim.
Sorry for my english, I'm not native english speaker.
Edit 1: after considering all the informations I got, I strongly believe that she was on her way to visit somebody in the prison/detention since she seemed not rich but may have prepared an amount of money for her trip. She may have been not well-connected with society, so she didn't consider the fact that hitchhiking is much more risky than catching a bus, naively believed that all the people are nice. I would cry right away if it was true.
Update 1: I've searched for different ways to go from Bong Son (where the victim hitchhiked) to Nha Trang (where the victim wanted to arrive), I see that Bong Son train station is only 3.7km of distance from where she stood, and the ticket price is only slightly higher than the cash she paid the killer for the ride (about 8$). While the shuttle bus-stop is located at 16.8km from where she stood, the ticket price is almost twofold (about 15$). In both cases, she could have arrived to Nha Trang by bus or on train safely and more conveniently with an advantageous price but she didn't. This fact strengthens the hypothesis she wasn't a local resident in the area where she hitchhiked or had been living close to that area (since she didn't know the train station is near), but I'm not sure about the reason why she ended up being there. She may have hitchhiked to arrived to that point, then continued to hitchhike to go to Nha Trang. I'm trying to search for the reports of missing person (the ones that are pubblished by their family on social media) in the whole country, but especially I focus on the provinces between the north boundary to the point where the victim hitchhiked. Within few days I'll convince the admin of a group where the people look for their missing family member, friend,.... to make a post about this case, hopefully someone will recognize her through the description of her belongings and missing time. Here's the map of the train station and the bus stop, to show how close is the distance between where the victim stood and the train station:
https://www.google.com/maps/diC%E1%BA%A7u+B%E1%BB%93ng+S%C6%A1n+M%E1%BB%9Bi,+Ho%C3%A0i+Nh%C6%A1n,+B%C3%ACnh+%C4%90%E1%BB%8Bnh,+Vi%E1%BB%87t+Nam/Ga+B%E1%BB%93ng+S%C6%A1n,+B%E1%BB%93ng+S%C6%A1n,+Ho%C3%A0i+Nh%C6%A1n,+B%C3%ACnh+%C4%90%E1%BB%8Bnh,+Vi%E1%BB%87t+Nam/Ng%C3%A3+4+Tam+Quan,+AH1,+T%C3%A2n+Th%C3%A0nh+1,+Ho%C3%A0i+Nh%C6%A1n,+B%C3%ACnh+%C4%90%E1%BB%8Bnh,+Vi%E1%BB%87t+Nam/@14.4476559,108.9768799,12z/data=!4m20!4m19!1m5!1m1!1s0x3168cffabcf4c7b5:0x371ff54b1699db9e!2m2!1d109.0085671!2d14.4154055!1m5!1m1!1s0x3168c542ceacdc37:0xb9ad42aefe70e3ad!2m2!1d109.0192317!2d14.438039!1m5!1m1!1s0x3168c254d93c1d77:0xa868fd57ddc6e338!2m2!1d109.0487329!2d14.5576784!3e0
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2020.09.20 03:22 JagdKitty TEARS OF A VAMP Chapters One And Two

(((((Just an idea for a new book so I thought I'd get feed back on how the beginning might be improved and if you think you want more...)))))
Chapter One
It was a dark and stormy night... Sorry, I know it's pretty cheesy but I've always wanted to begin a story like that. Over the years I've written many stories. Some for fun, others for money or fame. Sometimes for all three. But never have I written my story. So as cheesy as it may be, my opening is perfectly correct. It was a dark and stormy night that my story begins...
Early 21st Century... Lexington, Kentucky
My supper was finished. I was nursing my cola, wondering if I should just make a run for my house. Rain poured down and lightning flashed outside the large panes of glass which formed the entire wall between the wet outside and the cozy inside of the small, family friendly restaurant. A late evening thunderstorm wasn't unexpected in August. The heat and humidity would build throughout the day. Thunder clouds would build higher and higher in the sky and then all hell would let loose as the temperature dropped with the setting sun.
No one was waiting for my table so I didn't feel guilty keeping the table to myself. It wasn't like I was denying my waitress another customer and tip. Many tables were occupied but some were still open for new customers. But a new customer hadn't walked in since the rain had started. Between the heavy cloud cover and the lateness of the hour, it was pitch black outside. Strobes of lightning would light the street as bright as day before darkness reclaimed the streets. The last of my cola slurped up my straw and I was just reaching for my wallet when she appeared.
My first sight of Tiffany was as a form under the streetlight on the corner as she dashed across the street for the door of the restaurant. Splashing in the puddles she was as wet as any woman could be and looked as mad as any cat tossed into a pool. My cousin had done that once with the family cat. Tiffany looked just as mad as that cat had looked after dragging her wet fur out of that pool, only without the hissing and barred teeth.
She shook herself like a cat, too, as she stood in the entrance. That took my mind off the family cat since her t-shirt was plastered to a very nice, very wet chest sans bra. Sizing up the place, she walked to the table next to mine and plopped herself in a chair. Grabbing a wad of napkins, she began wiping her pretty face. The contrast between her pale skin and bright blue eyes to her jet black, shoulder length hair was striking.
"Look all you want, you perv." The sarcastic tone brought me hastily back from my appreciation of her striking... Umm, beauty. I hastily raised my gaze to her face.
"Ahh, sorry..." I began but she cut me off with a hand wave. She shrugged and her voice had less sarcasm and much more humor as she cut me some slack. "I don't care. My boobs have been seen before. By a lot more people at once than are in here. I hit Mardi Gras every year I can. I get lots of beads," She said with a smile. Picking at the wet material of her shirt she pulled it away from her skin and let it drop. It went back to outlining every curve she had including two, very hard nipples.
She shrugged again in resignation, "At least I'm wearing a shirt." Grabbing another handful of napkins she wiped at her arms and hands again. Moving quickly, she invited herself to my table and sat across from me. "Sorry to drop in unannounced. I usually have better manners but that damned rain! I'm Tiffany," she said, thrusting a still slightly damp hand across the table.
"I'm Daniel," I completed the intro and shook her hand. "Ahh, would you like something to eat," I asked as my waitress approached.
"I could do with a bite. But not here. I was just headed for the club down the street when this," Tiffany waved a disgusted hand at the rain, "appeared out'a nowhere." Tiffany gave me an appraising look, "I've got a pretty good idea of what I want to eat later."
"I didn't know they served food at the club."
Tiffany laughed at nothing I could see. Since Darlene was at the table anyway, I paid for my food and added a good tip. I ate here often and knew all the wait staff.
Tiffany sighed and picked at her wet shirt again. "Screw it. No clubbing for me tonight. The apartment I stayed at today doesn't have a clothes dryer."
"My house is just down the street and I have a clothes dryer. I'm really not a perv," I hastily added. "I'm just offering dry clothes. I've got a robe you can wear while your clothes dry. I just don't want to go home and think about you sitting here cold and wet and maybe getting sick or something without at least offering."
"Why, aren't you the Southern gentleman. I'd like that if you won't mind a house guest for a few hours. Wet clothes just suck."
My house was only a block and a half away but it was raining so hard my clothes were as soaked as Tiffany's by the time we ran up my driveway to the side door leading to the garage and laundry room. There were towels in the dryer that I hadn't folded yet. We used them to towel off our faces and arms. I told Tiffany to wait and I'd get her a robe.
"Fuck that," Tiffany said taking hold of the hem of her shirt and stripping it over her head. Tossing it into the dryer she grinned, "Don't look so shocked. I've already given you a wet t-shirt show." She toed off her sneakers and while I stood there her jeans, socks and finally her panties went into the dryer. "Your turn."
I was in shock. It had been a while since I'd seen a naked woman. I'm not gay, I just haven't had much time to date while in grad school. Women taking their clothes off in front of me was unusual. Women as beautiful as Tiffany taking her clothes off in front of me was incredibly rare. As in never before. In bare feet she was maybe 5'9". Breasts just on the large size for her slender frame. Perfect hourglass figure. Her skin was pale without bikini lines. "Hey! Your turn. Get those wet clothes off. I don't want you to get sick either."
I hesitated. I wasn't in nearly as good a shape as Tiffany. I've been 40 to 50 pounds past my recommended weight for my height of 5'10" since high school. I almost always wear a t-shirt at a pool and not because I sunburn. Tiffany finally gave up on my moving and began unbuttoning my shirt. I came out of my daze enough to begin helping and soon she was stripping my briefs off. I had the expected anatomical response any heterosexual male would have in the presence of a beautiful, naked woman. It was impossible to hide since it was at eye level to Tiffany as she knelt to strip my briefs down far enough for me to step out of.
Tossing my clothes into the dryer she turned the dial and started the dry cycle. Taking the initiative again, Tiffany wrapped her arms around me and went up on her toes for a kiss. She began pushing me towards the door that led into the house.
"Wait. Wait, wait... The clothes need a fabric softener sheet," I managed to break lip contact long enough to gasp out.
"You gotta be kidding me, right?" Tiffany's eyes were wide and though her body was still pressed to mine she drew back and asked in disbelief. "A naked woman is literally throwing herself against you, offering a night of wild sex and you're thinking of laundry?"
"I guess not," I said and let myself be kissed and pushed to sit on the den couch which was as far as we made it.
The rest of the night was a haze. I remember Tiffany straddling my lap and lowering herself around me while nuzzling and sucking on my neck which was extremely pleasurable. I was embarrassed as I finished almost as soon as she lowered herself completely onto me while still trying to give me a hickey. I know I hadn't had sex for a while but, damn! I should have had better control than that but her mouth on my neck felt so damned good. Just as good as what was she was doing to my groin.
Tiffany didn't seem disappointed at my lack of control. She just grinned, gave me a long, wet kiss that had a tinge of a taste that reminded me of... Something I was struggling to recall even as her hips began to move again and her mouth went back to my neck.
What happened after that was what began to blur. Tiffany's mouth left my neck and my thoughts were all a jumbled haze as she continued moving her hips slowly over my lap. In this position her breasts were moving close to my face and I pulled her close enough to capture a nipple. I was sucking hard on her breast when she suddenly gasped and pulled back to sit up straight. Her hand raised the breast I'd been sucking on so she could get a good look at the small cut, a shallow scrape really, on her skin.
"Damn it, damn it, dammit," she yelled climbing off me. Pacing the room, she stopped to look at her breast again. Raising clenched fists she yelled, "FUUUUCCCCKKKKKK!!!"
My head swam when I tried to stand up to try and calm her down. I couldn’t seem to make my legs and arms work together and sat back down with a whoomph onto the couch. It was just a tiny, barely red scratch. I couldn't understand why my speech was slurred, I'd only had a soft drink with my meal, as I tried to explain. "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I chipped a tooth last week on a walnut shell and I guess it cut you. It's not that much real..."
Tiffany interrupted me to yell, "You don't understand, you idiot! I've already fed from you. Once your blood mixes with mine, if you take even a little back you're gonna Turn! Fuck this shit," she muttered and began to pace again. Stopping in mid-stride, she seemed to have made up her mind about something. "This is your house, right? No one else lives here," she asked. "No relatives dropping by?"
"Yea, I live here alone. My relatives live in Eastern Kentucky. They never drop by without calling. What do you mean by Turn? Look, I'm sorry my tooth cut you but..."
"Just shut up. Just shut the fuck up. Don't make this harder for me."
"Make what harder?" Man, I was really woozy. I was having trouble just sitting up straight.
"I have to kill you, you big, stupid human," Tiffany yelled. With a jump that covered an impossible distance, she landed on me and drove me back into the couch cushions. This time when her mouth went to my neck there was nothing sensual about it. It hurt like hell when she bite down and then all the pain vanished in a wash of euphoria. I was twice her body weight yet I couldn't break the hold of her arms and legs around me to push her away. I felt my skin tear and, God help me, I came against her stomach and mine as the pleasure I was feeling doubled and then doubled again. Still she bit deeper. I heard a sucking sound under my ear and then I heard and felt nothing at all.
Chapter II
My next memories are all a jumble. I would swim up from a deep sleep when Tiffany came near. She'd whimper as she'd open her own wrist with her teeth. The smell of blood would rouse me more and I'd drink as much as I could of her thick, rich blood for as long as she offered her wrist. "I'll have more for you soon," she'd whisper as I'd fall back into my dreamless sleep.
I had no idea how many times this scene was repeated until one time her wrist wasn't enough. I wanted more and her amazing strength was no match for mine as I pulled her down and bit hard on her neck. Her cry wasn't one of pain, however. The harder I bit the more her cries sounded like the cries of a woman having an orgasm.
I drained Tiffany of every drop of blood I could coax from the tear in her throat before pushing her away. She dropped, drained of blood and strength to the floor beside the bed. Hearing her moans of orgasm, I went back to my dreamless sleep. There was one feeding I remember more than any other. I have no memory of when it occurred in my schedule of feedings but Tiffany smelled differently that time. More alive. Every mouthful from her wrist was intoxicating. When the flow from her wrist began to slow it was her who offered me her neck. When I bit her cries were again of pleasure. Orgasmic cries as the smell of her sex filled the room. She didn't try to pull away no matter how much pain I had to be causing her until the flow from her torn throat ceased.
Her blood will make you strong, I heard as I drifted back to sleep. I think I dreamed. ***************************
"How bad is it," I asked Carla Bannon, the detective who'd gotten the call.
"Female, late sixties," Carla began giving me a concise review of what she'd discovered so far. "Ida Knowles from her ID we found in a purse stuffed under the driver's seat. Put in the trunk perhaps two days ago. She hasn't been reported as missing. Found four hours ago by the supermarket manager. He says the car has been sitting here for two days. Said he was going to look for ID so he could call the owner before he had the car towed.
"Two days in this heat? When he got a whiff of what was in the trunk he called us. Uniforms came, popped the trunk and called it in. I got the call about two hours ago. I got here a little after the call. Crime techs after me." Carla lowered her voice and added, "Lieutenant, her throat was torn out."
"Dogs?"
"God, I wish! But," Carla looked around to be sure no one was within hearing. My former partner was always careful not to seem too chummy in front of others since my promotion. "Of course we'll have to wait for the coroner's official report but, Ben, the crime scene tech swears it wasn't dogs. Her throat wasn't cut with anything sharp either. Says there's no teeth marks or cuts. He says it's like someone just yanked her throat out. Tore out a large chunk of flesh. And that chunk ain't here.
"I told him to keep his mouth shut to everyone but me and called you as soon as I could." Detective Bannon looked around again to be sure we were out of earshot. "Ben, this could be a real mess if that tech is right. No one wants a psycho running around who rips out throats."
"The tech any good?"
"Twelve years on the job. I've worked with him before. Hell, we've both worked with him when we were partners before you took the promotion. He's very good. I wouldn't have called you out on a Sunday if he was a rookie."
"Lieutenant Haskell? Detective? Got something you need to know," a tech called out and walked towards us. I remembered working with him. He was good. Good enough and experienced enough to know he stank of death and to stand downwind. "Two things, really. First, there's no blood in the body or in the trunk. There's barely enough blood left in the body for it to pool and form post mortem bruising. I can't find the blood! Only a few drops on the floor of the trunk. There's been no rain in the last few days to wash away blood from the asphalt. There's a few small drops on the asphalt from the driver's door to the trunk. She either wasn't killed here or someone held a bucket for her to bleed into."
"I'll get a couple of uniforms to start canvasing the grassy areas in the back of the store to make sure we didn't miss a blood pool under the tall grass," Carla said and left.
The tech reached into his overalls and pulled out a sheet of paper and an evidence bag. "Second, her address from her ID and her keys from the floor of the car. Keys are clean. No blood. I've already dusted and there's no usable prints. Her house is only a couple of blocks away. If you can't find her blood there I don't know where the hell it is."
I took the paper and signed taking possession of the evidence bag containing the keys. "Carla, you keep working here. I'll take a uniform and check out the house," I called out and got a thumbs up in acknowledgment.
The uniform followed me and we parked on the street. There was a Chevy Nova parked on the street in front of the address. The front door was open, screen door closed. It was a small sized, two story on a street where old oaks shaded the street and lawns and all the houses had a tired, long lived in air. Stepping onto the porch I could hear someone inside. Through the screen I could see a living room/den and part of a kitchen and hallway. The screen door made a small sound when I tested if it was unlocked.
"Grams? Is that you? Where have you been? You haven't even started our dinner."
"Police, ma'am." A young woman came into view walking towards me from the kitchen. Caucasian, early twenties, 5' 4", slender build, pretty in a girl-next-door way. Shoulder length red hair and gray eyes. "Miss, do you know a Ida Knowles?"
"Yes, she's my grandmother. Oh, God. Grams... Is she Ok?"
This was the part of the job I hated most. "May we come in, Miss..."
"Olivia Knowles."
She cried of course. But then wanted to know the how. "Please. I have to call my mom and family. They all live in Tennessee. I need to know something to tell them."
I tried to give the bare minimum of details but she had a way of asking questions that drew more information from me than I'd meant to give. For some reason my gut was sending me a warning that something was strange here. Over the years I've come to trust my gut. "You haven't tried to contact your grandmother in the last two days?"
A shake of her head. "I have an apartment out Winchester Road and a job. We don't always call each other every day. Every Sunday we try to... I mean we used to, have dinner. Go over our week. Make any plans we might have for the week coming up. That kind'a thing. When I came over today the front door was open and her car was gone. I just thought she'd gone to the store for a few things."
"So you haven't looked around the house?"
"No. Just used the bathroom and started chopping some vegetables in the kitchen while I waited. Why?"
"It's possible whoever killed your grandmother did it somewhere else and then drove her car to the parking lot. Would you mind if we looked around the house and backyard?"
Ms. Knowles invited us to look anywhere we wanted. The uniform looked over the backyard and the small garage while I looked in every room and the basement. No signs of a struggle or blood. Everything was neat and clean as if the owner had stepped out for a short trip to the supermarket. Which I was guessing she had. Leaving my card with instruction to call if Ms. Knowles thought of anything or saw anything out of the normal, we left. I left with a feeling that something just wasn't right.
Out on the sidewalk I asked Officer Westbrook what he thought. Westbrook shrugged and then spoke aloud my thoughts. "I don't know, Lieutenant, but damn! If someone just told me my grandmother had been killed by having her throat ripped out, I think I'd be having hysterics. But she... She just got calmer."
I nodded. That had been my observation, too. Something about that young lady set my teeth on edge. I drove back to the crime scene to let Carla know what I'd found. I also wanted Carla to look more closely into Olivia Knowles.
****************************
A witch's hearing isn't as good as an elf's, but I could hear them talking on the sidewalk. They were both wrong. I wasn't calm. Not by any stretch of the imagination was I calm. I was in a murderous rage.
Vampire! A fucking vampire! There was absolutely no doubt in my mind who, or rather what, had killed my Grams. I had phone calls to make but first I had to carry out Gram's instructions. She'd drilled her instructions into me every day when I'd first moved in with her five years ago. If something happens the first thing you do is make sure the house is safe!
I waited until the police cars disappeared from view before going to the basement. Tripping the concealed latch that my grandfather had installed sixty years ago, a small section of shelves that lined one wall popped open an inch. I pushed the door all the way open. No one but me and Grams even knew that her half-basement had once been a full basement.
Gesturing at the candles scattered about the room I lit them with a cantrip before stripping off all my clothes and shoes. No metals of any kind except gold, silver or platinum were to enter the next room. Ever! Not even the tiny amount in my underwire bra. Since I was alone I didn't bother with a robe. A steep wooden staircase led to another concrete floor six feet lower than the one that policeman had just searched. All the furniture here -staircase, chairs, tables and bookcases- were made using wooden dowels instead of metal nails. Grandad had been a master craftsman when it came to working in wood since the 18th Century.
Striding to the center of the circle etched into the concrete floor, I Reached and found all the house protection spells that were powered from the circle. The circle was 20 feet in diameter and cut three inches into the concrete of the floor. Poured gold filled that circle. Gold was a perfect superconductor for Vim. Silver and platinum could be used but over time Vim would leech away. A gold Power Circle would hold Vim indefinitely. The larger the circle, the more Vim. This was one of the largest circles in North America.
By instinct I Reached out to the small Ley Line that Lexington was on top of and siphoned Vim into the circle. In a few seconds I could leech enough Vim into the Power Circle to keep all the spells powered by the circle maintained for months.
Reaching out again, I found the spells tuned to the circle and made then mine. As soon as they came under my control, a softly glowing, golden hemisphere appeared around me. Twenty feet in diameter, it filled the room, almost touching the ceiling and walls. Any metal other than gold inside this sphere might cause a feedback of the Vim held in the circle of gold. Think of the CERN supercollider going nuclear. Yea, that's the reason no metals were allowed in here. Grams had told me of the trouble Grandad had digging up the entire basement trying to find one lousy horseshoe nail when he'd been making this witch room.
Grams had made me practice what to do many times and it was easy to Key the spells to me. If I ever wanted to pass this Power Circle on, I'd have to teach the Key to another. The protection spells on the house wouldn't turn away door-to-door salesmen but Supernaturals would be stopped and if a Supe did try to enter this house, I'd know it no matter where I was.
The last thing I did before leaving the workshop was to take two books from Grams' library. The first book was very small and contained a short list of the members of Gram's coven. They needed to be called and warned that a vampire was in the area. The second book contained everything Grams had learned about vampires. For the last century Grams had collected stories and knowledge on every topic in every witch's tome she could get her hands on. Lined up on the shelves in front of me was probably the best collection of magical knowledge in North America.
I knew that in the first book on the shelf was a learned discussion on whether Aardvark gall bladders were necessary for potions which caused nightmares. I'm not sure? But knowing I'd just swallowed ground up Aardvark gallbladders? That would sure as hell give me nightmares.
I still had a phone call I couldn't put off any longer. It was as hard to tell my mom as I'd thought. She promised to drive up the next day to help with the funeral arrangements.
I remembered to get the bottle of bourbon I'd hidden in the attic four years ago and my smokes before sitting down. Grams had always made me go out on the porch to smoke. I knew what was in Gram's will. This house was mine now and with my first cigarette I began to make it smell like mine. With darkness falling I was finally able to open the book to begin my education.
There was a vamp in town that needed killing.
submitted by JagdKitty to stories [link] [comments]


2020.09.16 13:17 gradschoolMD I am a 22 year old full-time graduate student making about $17,000/year from my three part-time jobs

EDIT: forgot my location in the title, I’m in upstate NY
If I were to write an R29-style header for this, I would say "Today: a 22 year old graduate student who makes $17,000/year and spends some of her money this week on bagels and laundry". I submitted a Money Diary this past March so I guess this is technically a follow-up, but my life looks very different now so I'd really consider them entirely separate.

Basic Information

Monthly Expenses

Yearly Expenses

Additional R29 questions/education expenses context because this is a grad school diary and I thought it would make sense to answer these!

Monday, September 7

7:45 AM I have an 8 AM nonprofit finance class this morning, but it’s online so I can sleep in super late. I wake up 15 minutes before class time, pour myself a cold brew that I make in my french press, throw on a sweatshirt over my pajamas and brush my hair before heading back to bed with my laptop for class. I’m able to keep my camera off for most of the zoom call, so it’s a relaxing way to start my week.
9:30 AM Another online class! This one requires cameras-on the whole time, so I leave my bed and go chill on my couch so I look slightly more presentable. In-class group work over Zoom is really just not the same- does anyone else hate team breakout rooms? Near the end of the lecture I start getting hungry, but realize I won't have time between the end of this class and the time I have to leave for campus to make food. I order a bagel for pickup at a cafe on the way to campus while the lecture finishes up. $3.08
10:45 AM Time to get ready for my first in-person class of the week. I throw on athletic shorts and a bra under the same pajama t-shirt and sweatshirt I was wearing earlier- yes, I’m a fashion icon. Grab my mask and I’m out the door, I pick up my pre-ordered bagel on the way and eat it while I walk. The class is okay, it's a quant modeling class which is way out of my comfort zone, so I'm glad that I'm able to take it in-person (at least until we inevitably get forced online by NY regulations).
1:15 PM I’m back in my apartment and heat up leftovers from last night’s dinner for lunch (cauliflower rice with roasted chickpeas, sweet potatoes, tofu, and a tahini garlic sauce) while listening to folklore. I think I've settled on august as my favorite song. Email my landlord about fixing a few things in my apartment that I've been trying to get him to sort out for literal weeks.
2:00 PM I have a planning meeting with the professor that I TA for. He’s super busy and bad at communication, so I’ve been handling the brunt of student questions so far. I made the mistake of letting the first-years add me to their class group chat, and they’ve been texting me at all hours. We talk about this and clarify what expectations should be for my TA position- he seems to want me to work 10-15 hours/week even though I was told 5-9 by the admin assistant who hired me. I can probably do 10-15, just not every week. We'll see.
2:30 PM The meeting transitions right into the class- I mostly just chill (camera on, unfortunately) listening to the lecture and taking attendance/marking participation, and nod sporadically when the professor makes reference to me. I won’t have many out-of-class responsibilities until grading starts, since I don’t have to run open office hours. After the class ends I work on organizing the course website and figuring out what the hell the prof is trying to do with the syllabus. Class hours and all prep/grading is billable time for TAs.
4:45 PM Realize that my fridge is pretty much empty except for a few random condiments and the rest of the leftovers that I had for lunch. I head out for a Wegman's run and buy enough for at least a week and a half- I used to go once a week, but with COVID I'm trying to spend less time in crowded grocery stores. I don't feel like cooking so I end up having some of the chana dal snacks and ice cream that I just got for dinner around 6:30. So healthy. $98.67, split out into food & home categories
7:30 PM Another online class! I hate night classes and strongly dislike online classes, so this seems like a recipe for disaster- however it's actually a really interesting course on inequality in education with a professor I think I'll really like, so hopefully it'll be worth it.
9:55 PM Class is over. 2 and a half hours is absolutely brutal for a nonstop Zoom meeting, especially at night and for my fifth class of the day. I shower and change into pajamas and catch the end of the Lightning-Islanders game. My favorite team and all of the teams I ended up bandwagoning are now out of the Stanley Cup Playoffs, so I'm trying to find a new one to root for- the game was high-scoring and fun to watch but I still don't like these teams.
Daily total: $101.75

Tuesday, September 8

9:30 AM I get to sleep in a bit today! I was supposed to have a shift at the COVID center starting at 7:30, but the university keeps changing the hours of the sites (it's a total disaster), so now my shift starts at 10:45. First thing I do when I wake up is send a quick thank-you text to my sister who's going to visit our mom- she broke her foot last week and her boyfriend (they live in the same town in separate houses) is being shitty and not helping her, so my sister is leaving college to go stay with her for a bit. I'm a few hours closer to home, but I have in-person work and class whereas my sister's school is totally online this semester. I have some scrambled eggs with spinach and cheese for breakfast before I leave the house.
10:15 AM I'm out of homemade cold brew and have a bit of time, so I drive to Dunkin to grab a coffee. I reload my rewards card to pay for it, and earn a free drink for my next visit! I'm from Massachusetts and the fact that I actually have to go out of my way to drive to Dunkin in New York makes me a lil sad. $10.00
10:45 AM Time for work- one of the blessings of the COVID job is free parking in high-demand lots (where the yearly parking cost would be about $900) on campus near the test sites, so I drive there straight from Dunkin. Luckily it's not too crazy of a shift, but I end up seated at a station next to this really weird coworker who keeps making wack comments about his personal life that are extremely inappropriate for the workplace. I make note of his name and plan to email my supervisor later, he's making me kind of uncomfortable and he's saying awkward sexual shit around people who are at the site to get tested.
1:00 PM Done with my shift so it's time for class! It's another quant class where I'm wayyy out of my comfort zone, I haven't taken econometrics in three years and it looks like I'll have to re-learn a lot of stuff in order to keep up. The professor seems good though, which will make a big difference since my last econometrics professor was terrible.
3:00 PM I pick up my car and head home, and immediately am bombarded with texts from my TA class- the readings haven't been posted correctly to the class website. Quickly fix that and put out a few other related fires. Trying to run an entirely-online class where lots of the students are participating asynchronously from another continent is a nightmare, I shoot an email to the professor about monitoring asynchronous course participation since we need to come up with a system for that ASAP.
4:00 PM Heat up the last of the leftover veggies and cauliflower rice from a few days ago, and settle in to catch up on miscellaneous work stuff. I draft an email to my supervisor about my coworker and have my mom look it over (with names redacted) since she works in HR. I'm going to wait to send it for at least a day so if he gets written up maybe he won't realize it's me that prompted it. I wash my bedsheets and towels in my building's coin-op washedryer. $3.00
9:00 PM My meal schedule has been way off today, with a super late lunch and dinner. I make this recipe, with a plant-based sausage added for protein. I eat 95% vegetarian and I'm making a conscious effort this year to eat vegetables multiple times a day.
1:15 AM After another few hours of scrolling through TikTok and finishing fixing the disaster of a website for my TA class, I head to bed.
Daily Total: $13.00

Wednesday, September 9

7:00 AM It's too early and I went to bed too late. The 8 AM online class I had on Monday is in-person on Wednesday, and I'm kind of regretting not signing up for the fully online version since it means I have to actually get ready in the morning. I drag myself out of bed and into the shower, and before I head out I order a coffee and a breakfast sandwich to pick up from Starbucks on my walk to campus. $7.34
9:30 AM Second class of the day, online. I'm realizing I don't really like this course and will probably try to find another one to replace it before the drop deadline. I find a quiet-ish courtyard on campus to go on Zoom, since all of the normal study spaces are closed. This is not gonna work once it gets really cold in upstate NY. While listening to the Zoom lecture, I see that my manager at my COVID job has scheduled me for a last-minute shift that conflicts with a class tomorrow- I email her and hope that she sees it in time. This job creates 8-hour shifts in the middle of the day with no easy option for partial hours, and then they wonder why they can't get their student employees on the schedule.
1:00 PM Head home after my third class of the day. I was distracted the whole time, trying to sort through TA and other work stuff (my shift got fixed at the COVID job, thank god) during the lecture, so I'll probably have to skim the slides again later. I chatted with a classmate in my cohort afterwards for a bit, and realize that that's the first time I've talked to someone outside of my family in a non-work capacity in over a week. Yikes. I make lunch (roasted asparagus and goat cheese pasta, are you sensing the "roasted veggie + pasta/rice + cheese" theme that makes up the majority of my meals?) and chill a bit before my TA class starts.
6:00 PM After finishing my TA class and working through some course readings, I make a kale salad with roasted chickpeas, sweet potatoes, goat cheese, and a tahini dressing for dinner. While I'm cooking dinner my dad calls, and I talk to him for about half an hour- we haven't talked for two weeks so I update him on a lot of stuff. My sister also texts and says that our mom gave her a lecture about how she needs to be nicer to the boyfriend- we both agree that we're not quite ready to go back to being pleasant to him yet, and would like to hear his reasoning and perhaps an apology for being so unhelpful that my sister had to drive four hours to do what he should have been doing all along.
10:00 PM I'm not having a great night, feeling quite depressed and socially isolated. I struggled socially as an undergrad and didn't really have any close friends, and now that the majority of my friends/acquaintances from undergrad have left and I haven't made any friends in my short time in pandemic-grad-school, I'm stuck by myself most of the time. It's really difficult to look out my window and see houses full of friends hanging out on their porch on a beautiful night and wishing I could have had that while knowing I never will. I end up going to bed early since I'm just tired and sad.
Daily Total: $7.34

Thursday, September 10

9:00 AM I wake up feeling slightly better than last night, but still feel a bit worn out. My sister texts that my mom now needs to be in a cast for 6 weeks. Hopefully the boyfriend can get his shit together. I make a breakfast sandwich with eggs, cheese, and spinach. I hang around my apartment for a while since work doesn't start until 11:45.
11:30 AM On my way to work, I stop and grab a coffee at a cafe ($4.16) and then go to 7/11 to pick up a notebook for class and a pack of batteries that I need for my string lights ($14.56).
1:15 PM After spending an hour and a half at work, I take my break in order to go to class. I'm supposed to go in-person, but I can't make it across campus fast enough and end up just going to the Zoom session. I am going to need to do some serious studying for this class, stats and econometrics is like another language to me.
2:45 PM Class is over and I'm back to work. There's a nonstop stream of students and staff coming to get tested, I personally go through at least 100 people over the course of three hours. Near the end of my shift, my coworker (the same one I'm reporting, actually) checks his email and finds out that he's been given a $3/hour raise and is now benefits-eligible. I immediately race to my phone, but there's no email. Everyone tries to figure out who qualified for the raise, and we come to the conclusion that student workers didn't get it. I might reach out to my supervisor about that, seems kind of ridiculous given that we do the exact same job. I don't need benefits and probably don't qualify anyways but the raise would be awesome.
7:00 PM I get home from work and eat some of the leftover kale salad, lentil chips and a homemade za'atar goat cheese dip, and an apple with peanut butter. I'm so hungry since I haven't eaten since the egg sandwich at 9 AM.
11:00 PM I re-watch the two econometrics lectures from this week– a huge perk of Zoom class is recorded lectures– and try to take more detailed notes and go through the motions of the coding myself. I still don't really get it, and feel pretty dumb listening to the intelligent questions that my classmates (half of whom are undergrads) are asking. Math in all forms has been a weak point for me since middle school, but I'm trying to power through so I can enter the workforce with at least some quant skills.
Daily Total: $18.72

Friday, September 11

9:00 AM Wake up and scroll through my social media for a bit, and have the rest of the kale salad for breakfast. Not really a traditional breakfast but I don't feel like cooking anything. I have my orientation for my research job this morning, and I think it's going to be a great experience! The two other grad researchers are both students in my program, so it'll be nice to get to know some more people. My official start date is next week, though I'm being paid for training. Once I'm done on that Zoom call, I head to work at the COVID center at 11.
3:00 PM I finally get my lunch break- there's not much open, so I'm limited to the one cafe near my work site. I pick up a bagel and a coffee, and the women who work there give me free coffee add-ons (oat milk and vanilla syrup) since they recognize me after I did their COVID tests in the morning. I love the dining workers on my campus. I have some extra dining dollars from last semester that rolled over due to COVID, so I use the last of those and pay the balance with my debit card. $1.06, remainder was pre-paid from last spring
7:00 PM Finally home- I decide to clean my apartment for a bit before showering, and I'm disgusted by how dirty it got. I'm a huge clean freak and this apartment isn't super well-kept (thank you college town slumlords!) and has a lot of cobwebs/dirty areas, so it causes basically a constant undercurrent of anxiety. I've recently been thinking a lot about my old apartment, which was newly renovated and a 2-bedroom which would have cost me $1,000/month for my share this year. My desire to live alone and be in the area where I thought I could best make a last-ditch effort at meeting people and making friends won out over my love for that apartment, and I'm pretty seriously regretting it at this point given the whole COVID situation. Depending on how the spring semester shakes out, I might try to sublet it and find a different place.
9:00 PM I'm still feeling a bit anxious and unsettled after cleaning, and don't really have the mental fortitude to cook tonight. A $5 coupon from GrubHub arrives in my email inbox like they can read my mind. I order paneer makhani to pick up from the Indian restaurant a block away from my apartment, and try to turn it into a positive thought about the apartment itself- my old place wasn't walking distance from Indian food, this one is. $10.07
11:00 PM My mom sends me a link to a video that she found of my school's 9/11 memorial dedication. We lost 21 alums that day, and a permanent memorial was dedicated a few years ago. I've gone a few times to see it in person and met some of the families through my previous jobs, so I spend some time watching the video. I was just shy of 4 years old on 9/11 so I obviously don't remember much, but going to a school with a large number of students from NYC almost guarantees that everyone knows someone with a personal connection. It always feels a bit solemn around here on the day.
4:00 AM I couldn't sleep. Finally pass out sometime between 3:30 and 4.
Daily Total: $11.13

Saturday, September 12

9:00 AM Drag myself out of bed and make scrambled eggs with cheese, and some cold brew that's been sitting in the french press for several days with the coffee grinds- this is basically liquid cocaine, it's extremely caffeinated but I'll need that today. I leave my apartment around 9:40 and start walking to work.
10:00 AM Today isn't too crazy, which is unexpected given that the site I'm working at is usually one of the more crowded ones. The shift supervisor today is the sweetest woman, she comes around and takes our individual coffee orders and brings them to us at our stations. I take quick breaks whenever I can to run to the corner to slip my mask off and take a drink. I chat to some of the other student workers when we have longer periods of down time, they seem really nice. I might try to work this site more often and get to know them better.
3:00 I drew the short straw once again and got the late lunch break- nothing's open on campus since it's Saturday, so I run back to the cafe near my apartment and order a turkey sandwich. I know I need to start bringing my own lunch, but we have no microwaves and the only fridges we have at the sites are for test tubes and ice packs so that makes it a bit difficult. $9.08
6:00 PM Done at work and headed home- I make a roasted cauliflower pasta that uses the rest of the spinach as well, and save some for tomorrow's dinner.
10:00 PM Lounging around in bed and watching the Vegas-Dallas game. I think I'd rather have one of these teams win the Cup than either of the teams in the ECF.
1:30 AM Fall asleep

Sunday, September 13

9:00 AM Up for another day of work. I make some eggs and cut up an apple with peanut butter.
10:00 AM My job today is as a greeter, so I'm not doing the actual registration and test observation, and am instead in charge of getting people lined up and dealing with the logistics of the site. A lot of the people in the line tell me that they were supposed to have an appointment at another site, but they showed up and it was dark and no one was there to deal with the 75 people waiting in line. We realize there's been a huge staffing miscommunication with our local health system partner, and this happened at three sites. What a clusterfuck. I also committed the cardinal sin of autumn in New York by not appropriately layering- it's suddenly 50 and raining, and I'm freezing my ass off sitting outside in leggings and a t-shirt.
2:30 PM Lunch break- I go to the one place on campus open on Sunday afternoons to grab a salad. $8.70
3:00 PM Still a decent flow of people coming through the site since we're still taking over from the sites that unexpectedly closed. By the end of the day, we've tested over 1,100 people just at this one site. I'm developing a horrible crick in my neck from turning to look and point each person to where they need to go.
6:00 PM Home from work. I heat up the rest of the pasta from last night and try to massage my neck a bit- I can tell it's going to hurt tomorrow, feeling like I'm 82 instead of 22. I prep some cold brew for tomorrow morning.
10:30 PM I'm absolutely exhausted, so I fall asleep around 10:30 for the first time in weeks. Hopefully this means I'll be well-rested for my 8 AM tomorrow.
Daily total: $8.70

Monday, September 14

7:45 AM I wake up feeling somewhat well-rested, but my neck is still really hurting. I grab some of the cold brew from the fridge and go to my online class.
9:15 AM I find a class that I'm interested in to replace the one that I'm thinking of dropping, and start getting ready to go to it to check it out. Just as I'm about to leave, I realize my neck is getting to be absolutely unbearable and I don't think I can make the walk up to campus with my backpack without a lot of pain. I shoot the professor a quick email asking for the Zoom link, and he manages to get back to me before the class starts! I join the online section and like the course, so I plan to make the official switch in my schedule. The class I don't like is taught by my advisor (who I'm hoping to TA for in the spring), so that might be a little awkward when I leave.
11:30 AM I make some pasta with a veggie sausage for lunch and go to class- this is usually an in-person class for me but I stay home and go to the online section today because I'm still in pain.
2:30 PM TA class- I'm required to have my camera on, and after comfortably laying down all day I feel like I'm dying because of the position that I'm being forced to keep my neck in. I periodically turn my camera off to lay down for a minute and scream into my pillow before coming back and pretending that nothing's wrong.
4:30 PM I drive to a laundromat to wash my clothes- I'm out of coins and need to go to the laundromat to get them from the machine, so I do my wash there instead of in my building. While I wait for my wash I call my grandma and catch up for a bit, and when I move my clothes to the dryer I go to Target to return some stuff I bought for my apartment and get painkillers. Have a mini-breakdown in the parking lot of Target because I'm so anxious about my apartment and the cost and how it's not kept-up and how I'm feeling so much regret about the lease. I send a frantic 3-paragraph text to my mom and dad about this and tell them that I want to try to find a subletter and come home. $6.00 for laundry, +$51.69 in refunds from Target (not included in breakdown), $4.07 for Ibuprofen
7:30 PM Dinner (eggs on toast) and online class. I'm really distracted, I hate Zoom class. My mom texts me throughout and I reply for a bit, and kind of unload about feeling super lonely and stressed. My dad calls around 10 after class is over, and we talk for a bit. I'm not sure he really gets where I'm coming from but he does his best to provide support, in an emotionally-stunted-middle-aged-dad kind of way (which is mostly just him talking about how I always "manage to power through" and referencing sunk costs and uncertainty). Honestly, I probably won't sublet the apartment just because I don't know if I'm ready to move all my shit again and because it's a buyer's market for sublets right now, but I really wish I had tried to get out of my lease before it started in August. I always have a lot of anxiety and regrets about large purchases, so this is nothing new. What I probably need instead of a sublet is to go back to therapy.
2:30 AM I'm still up writing a paper, so I answer a text in the group chat for my TA class about the paper- the student who asked apologizes for bothering me so late, she's abroad and didn't realize what time it was in NY. I'm fine with answering if I'm up, but I'm going to have to force myself to not answer until the morning so they don't start expecting that kind of immediate response from me.
Daily Total: $10.07

WEEKLY TOTAL: $179.79

CATEGORY TOTAL
Food and Drink $148.18 total ($53.49 from restaurants/cafes and $94.69 for groceries)
Fun and Entertainment $0
Home and Health $8.05
Clothes and Beauty $0
Transport $0
Other $23.56

Notes

This was a typical week for me- I work a lot, I spend a lot on food, and I don't spend on much else beyond my monthly expenses. Obviously I don't buy $100 of groceries every week, since those last about two weeks- I usually shop on Mondays, restock on fresh veggies at the Wednesday farmer's market the next week, which runs me about $15-20, and then go to Wegmans again on Monday. I'm trying to spend less on coffee since I realize it's ridiculous to buy a $4 drink every morning when I can buy an $8 bag of beans and get 12 cups out of it.
As I get more into my research job, I'll be shifting some hours from the COVID job to that- it pays more and is more beneficial to my career, and I don't have the physical or mental energy to continue at this pace for the COVID job. This pay cycle (Thurs 9/10 to Wed 9/16) I worked 32.8 hours, which will probably be typical as a weekly total for this semester- just with a different breakdown by job (6-10 TA, 15 research, 10-15 COVID). This coming week I'm scheduled right up against the 40-hour limit, with 39.6. And yes, I do bill my time answering questions at 2:30 AM, I just put it on my timecard as a more normal time lol
submitted by gradschoolMD to MoneyDiariesACTIVE [link] [comments]


2020.09.16 00:11 bella_vampira_97 mysterious unidentified woman in an robbery-Homicide case

(Sorry for the error on the title, I was typing in a hurry) I write this post hoping it'll catch attention of someone that can help identify the victim. I've tried my best but I can't find any useful picture related to the victim, the information I've found and posted here is all I have
Hi everyone, finally I decide to write down something because it's been stucked in my head for almost one month. All the homicide cases in which the killer has never been arrested or the victim has never been identified always got my attention, and this case is not an exception. However, I've never thought I would pay so much time and attention to it. This case didn't take place in the US, it's in my country.
On 17-18th august circa, I had a bizarre dream. In my dream, I was following the investigation of a homicide case, and I eventually listened to the confession of the killer. He has killed a woman and has hidden her corpse in a in a field along a rural road. He said that few days later he came back to cover her more thoroughly because he has seen "some strange phenomena".
I was terrifed when I woke up, the dream was so real. I grabbed my phone and searched for something like unidentified woman in homicide case, the corpse in the forest/field,.... Among the first results, one case has catched my attention, I'll write it shortly because WHAT I WANT TO DISCUSS WITH YOU IS THE TRUE ID OF THE VICTIM, not the details of the case. On 19 August 2018 (I was thrilled when I saw the date, I had that dream almost exactly 2 years after the murder), one of the suspect (Hoang Duc Sinh) rided his motorbike from Quang Ngai, province Quang Ngai to province Binh Dinh, there he will meet his accomplice (Nguyen Van Hien) and the two would go for some burglary (they had been burglars with several criminal records). On the road, he met a woman who asked for a ride to Nha Trang city, Khanh Hoa province (further than Binh Dinh province) and he told her to pay an amount of cash for fuel. The woman has accepted. At a gas station, when she pulled out the wallet to pay, Sinh saw that she had lots of cashes and planned to rob her on the road. When they arrived to Binh Dinh provinced, Sinh secretly made a sign for Hien to have him follow. At a certain point in Phu Yen province, the two suspects have strangled the woman and made some other injury, she died and they hid her in a acacia field along the road. Then the two took her money (equivalent to 600$) and thrown her bag into a river. The police department of Phu Yen province had done many methods but they're still not able to identify the victim. That's all the things I 've read on the news. Apparently those few informations didn't satisfy me, so I've decided to make my own research. I've searched for something more regards the case but strangely, I did't find any other information.
Initially I didn't know any information about her range of age, so I think there're some hypothese about the ID of the woman:
1- She could be a runaway long time ago, she may have estranged from her family for many years so when she went missing they didn't know.
2- All her family members are dead and she was currently a single person. She may have been on her way for some small business.
3- The only person that she had (could be her husband, boyfriend, children, sibling,...) may have been in jail or juvenile detention, and she might be on the way to visit them at the time of the murder! (This may explain why nobody reported her missing).
4- She could be a single mother and her child/children is/are to small to know how to find her.
5- She could be related to some criminal activies, so her family/accomplices didn't claim her because they were afraid to be arrested.
I've shared what I was thinking with my boyfriend, he said that for him the hypothesis 2 was reasonable. But I think it's not that easy, for me maybe it's a combination between the hypotheses 3 and 4.
Since the following days I still couldn't cash it out of my head, I continued the research. The most precious thing I've found is a document in an open source for judges/lawyers, there're much more things than on the news, eventhough it's not the complete one. The victim is a woman between 40-50 years old. And much to my dismay, I found out that after she died, Sinh has used a rock and beaten her beyond recognition (maybe that's the reason why she can't be IDed through the face). It was gruesome! How could a terrible crime like this be barely shown to the public? The 2 suspects are sentenced for life in prison on November 7th 2019, that's when the first and only news regarding the case were published (with very few informations). Did the police hide something, or the further investigation is still active? I really don't get it, there's never been any information about the victim like facial reconstruction, description of clothing, notable characteristics of the body,... like many other cases in which the victims are unidentified. In the document, they said her belongings found together with her is a blue T-shirt with polka-dot pattern, an yellow shirt, blue pants, pink socks, pink bra and pink underwear, a red hat, a pair of old white sleeves (wrapped in plastic bag), red foodwear (wrapped in plastic bag). Base on the color of her clothing, I think she could be even younger (like 35-40 years old), and she wasn't rich (which may explain why she hitchhiked instead of going on a long-way bus). The police have taken DNA sample of several people with their initiative in the document but of course there's no match. In my country there's no database of DNA informations like Namus, 23andme, ancestry,.. so it's much more difficult. I can't find the complete document about the case because it's not free-accessible. One of the killer - Hien, has appealed on November 8th 2019, the court has accepted the request to investigate more thoroughly. Since they continued the investigation, I really hope that they will do their best to find the true ID of the woman and bring her home so her family can have closure. I feel extremely sorry for her because she died in the most painful and lonely way. She could be mother, sister, friend of someone. There're still many things I want to write but it's late, I'd like to add something later on.
Here is the map of important places in the case: https://www.google.com/maps/diC%E1%BA%A7u+B%E1%BB%93ng+S%C6%A1n+M%E1%BB%9Bi,+B%E1%BB%93ng+S%C6%A1n,+Ho%C3%A0i+Nh%C6%A1n,+B%C3%ACnh+%C4%90%E1%BB%8Bnh,+Vi%E1%BB%87t+Nam/Dieu+Tri,+Th%C3%B4n+Giang+Nam,+B%C3%ACnh+%C4%90%E1%BB%8Bnh,+Vi%E1%BB%87t+Nam/Th%E1%BB%8B+x%C3%A3+S%C3%B4ng+C%E1%BA%A7u,+Ph%C3%BA+Y%C3%AAn,+Vi%E1%BB%87t+Nam/%C4%90T644,+S%C3%B4ng+C%E1%BA%A7u,+Ph%C3%BA+Y%C3%AAn,+Vi%E1%BB%87t+Nam/Nha+Trang,+Kh%C3%A1nh+H%C3%B2a,+Vi%E1%BB%87t+Nam/@13.4156498,108.8947592,8.52z/data=!4m32!4m31!1m5!1m1!1s0x3168cffabcf4c7b5:0x371ff54b1699db9e!2m2!1d109.0085671!2d14.4154055!1m5!1m1!1s0x316f148f36aafd53:0xa842973865d5644f!2m2!1d109.1553021!2d13.8101029!1m5!1m1!1s0x316f9f3feb73545b:0xa487d74a1cc56499!2m2!1d109.1991932!2d13.5809065!1m5!1m1!1s0x316fa7b2b10c8de3:0x6ef5bc1894ab88d0!2m2!1d109.1124639!2d13.5320764!1m5!1m1!1s0x3170677811cc886f:0x5c4bbc0aa81edcb9!2m2!1d109.1967488!2d12.2387911!3e0
I explain:
For the vietnameses: if you know a woman who vanished in August 2018, please contact the police department of Phu Yen province. Your information may help identify the victim.
Sorry for my english, I'm not native english speaker.

Edit 1: after considering all the informations I got, I strongly believe that she was on her way to visit somebody in the prison/detention since she seemed not rich but may have prepared an amount of money for her trip. She may have been not well-connected with society, so she didn't consider the fact that hitchhiking is much more risky than catching a bus, naively believed that all the people are nice. I would cry right away if it was true.

Update 1: I've searched for different ways to go from Bong Son (where the victim hitchhiked) to Nha Trang (where the victim wanted to arrive), I see that Bong Son train station is only 3.7km of distance from where she stood, and the ticket price is only slightly higher than the cash she paid the killer for the ride (about 8$). While the shuttle bus-stop is located at 16.8km from where she stood, the ticket price is almost twofold (about 15$). In both cases, she could have arrived to Nha Trang by bus or on train safely and more conveniently with an advantageous price but she didn't. This fact strengthens the hypothesis she wasn't a local resident in the area where she hitchhiked or had been living close to that area (since she didn't know the train station is near), but I'm not sure about the reason why she ended up being there. She may have hitchhiked to arrived to that point, then continued to hitchhike to go to Nha Trang. I'm trying to search for the reports of missing person (the ones that are pubblished by their family on social media) in the whole country, but especially I focus on the provinces between the north boundary to the point where the victim hitchhiked. Within few days I'll convince the admin of a group where the people look for their missing family member, friend,.... to make a post about this case, hopefully someone will recognize her through the description of her belongings and missing time.

Here's the map of the train station and the bus stop, to show how close is the distance between where the victim stood and the train station:
https://www.google.com/maps/diC%E1%BA%A7u+B%E1%BB%93ng+S%C6%A1n+M%E1%BB%9Bi,+Ho%C3%A0i+Nh%C6%A1n,+B%C3%ACnh+%C4%90%E1%BB%8Bnh,+Vi%E1%BB%87t+Nam/Ga+B%E1%BB%93ng+S%C6%A1n,+B%E1%BB%93ng+S%C6%A1n,+Ho%C3%A0i+Nh%C6%A1n,+B%C3%ACnh+%C4%90%E1%BB%8Bnh,+Vi%E1%BB%87t+Nam/Ng%C3%A3+4+Tam+Quan,+AH1,+T%C3%A2n+Th%C3%A0nh+1,+Ho%C3%A0i+Nh%C6%A1n,+B%C3%ACnh+%C4%90%E1%BB%8Bnh,+Vi%E1%BB%87t+Nam/@14.4476559,108.9768799,12z/data=!4m20!4m19!1m5!1m1!1s0x3168cffabcf4c7b5:0x371ff54b1699db9e!2m2!1d109.0085671!2d14.4154055!1m5!1m1!1s0x3168c542ceacdc37:0xb9ad42aefe70e3ad!2m2!1d109.0192317!2d14.438039!1m5!1m1!1s0x3168c254d93c1d77:0xa868fd57ddc6e338!2m2!1d109.0487329!2d14.5576784!3e0
submitted by bella_vampira_97 to gratefuldoe [link] [comments]


2020.09.14 19:38 Ronisoni14 My GF is really mad at me and idk what to do :<

I need advise and tips, so please, read this and advise me, what should i do?
We've been dating for 8 months now and our relationship was the most wholesome and beautiful thing ever. We always had that thing we often did when I would rest my head on her lap. But last Thursday, when me, her, and some of our friends met, I made a huge mistake and layed my head on her lap while she was wearing a strapless dress. She says her dress fell a little and everyone saw her bra. I didn't see anything like this happening but she said I just wasn't looking. I don't wear dresses and I had no idea that strapless dresses fall that easily (although, thinking about it, it kinda makes sense). The day continues, everything was looking OK, and eventually we had to finish that meeting and go to our homes.
The day after, when she discovered that she wasn't accepted into something at school she wanted, I sent her a text to cheer her up and suddenly she attacked me for what happened the day before, which really caught me off guard. She was SUPER mad, and I asked her why didn't she tell me to stop when I layed my head on her lap, and that I would respect that. But then she said she did tell me. I realized that I probably didn't hear her. I suspect it's related to my ADHD. My mom didn't let me take my pills that day, and when I'm without them I can't consentrate at anything. She probably told me not to rest my head on her and I wasn't consentrated and didn't hear her.
I tried to not talk to her for some time, hoping things will calm down. A few days later i sent her a big text apologizing for everything. She didn't even bother reading it, and when i told her it's important anf asked her to read it, she just angrily told me to stop and said that what i did counts as sexual harrashment. I told her that it was a mistake and that making her dress fall was totally not my intent, she just said "yes it was". I haven't managed to talk to her again and haven't even tried to, because I don't know if i should. I love her with my heart and soul and would do everything to make sure our relationship doesn't fall apart because of this 1 innocent mistake.
I don't know what to do. Any advise or tips are more than welcome. Please, I need any help I can get right now :(
submitted by Ronisoni14 to feemagers [link] [comments]


2020.09.04 14:08 PositivePossibility My (19M) girlfriend(20F) has gotten super insecure about her body ever since her "friends" made a few "jokes" about her.

Long story, so tldr at the end.
Preface: I've been dating my childhood best friend for about 3 years now. It's been amazing. She's been my best friend for 16 years now, and this relationship got me through some of the worst days of my life, and I'd do anything for her.
Recently, she was watching a Netflix movie with a few of her girl friends where there was apparently a girl who shows off her breasts. Now, I don't know how bra sizes and stuff works, but my girlfriend is on the average side of breast sizes. They aren't flat, but they aren't big either. They're 2 of the best thing ever, if you ask me.
These girls, who my girlfriend calls her friends, said "Hey can you even jiggle your boobs, atleast?". I don't know if they meant it as a joke, but it really hurt her. She's an athlete, has the body of a model, with abs and stuff, and went from being super confident about her body to very very insecure. She has been super reserved as of late, crying about how she isn't like all the other girls and how she knew they were small but not that small.
I've been trying to comfort her, and it hasn't been working. No matter how much I say I love her, she's beautiful, and she shouldn't listen to people who are jealous of how thin she is pass comments about her. It was getting better, but yesterday her best friend (who isn't part of this group) sent a picture of herself showing that she lost over 30 pounds and how her boobs look amazing now. She then sent a comment saying "good thing my boobs don't get smaller even though I'm thin like you now".
She's back to square 1 again. I don't know what to do. I'm not one who's ever cared about my own body image and what people think, so I can't relate to what she feels like. I need advice on how to make her feel better. Has any woman on this sub had a similar experience? What made you feel better? What can I do to get her confidence back up again? Any advice is appreciated.
Tldr- Girlfriend's friends passed comments about the size of her breasts and it made her super insecure, and now her best friend passed a similar comment making her feel even worse. Need help making her feel better.
submitted by PositivePossibility to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.09.04 12:25 2d4d_data Transitioning when married

I was married when I transitioned and my wife was the very first person I came out to. At the time I didn't see much advice, but I did see a lot of divorce stories. I made a lot of mistakes in the early part of my transition and have tried to document some of them so hopefully, you can learn and do better than I did.

The common story

Below is a common story that I see over and over. It is up to you to try to have something better.
You put together the pieces, you think you want to transition and do everything.
Your wife doesn't want you to do anything. Going on hormones, FFS, SRS, and more are an absolute no. It is not a discussion or debate, it is a no. You go to a therapist to make sure, but they don't join you or go to their own. They pretend nothing will change. Some more hard conversation with your wife you start hormones to see how it goes. It is the best day of your life and they are crushed. They try to stop every tiny thing, not by having a conversation or divorcing, but just by saying no. It's not when, but no, not now. Every change small and big hurts them. They mostly pretend it isn't happening. HRT does its magic and eventually, you are socially transitioning even if you are not ready. You might have prepared because you knew this would happen, but your wife didn't prepare and is overwhelmed, but helps you figure out socially transitioning. Repeat this for each thing with you preparing and them reacting until you either get divorced, start communicating, or both.

History

I have worn girls/women clothes since I was a kid, as a teenager my wife (then girlfriend) helped me buy my first bra. The majority of the time she has known me I have had long hair. Shortly after we were married she asked me if I wanted to be a woman. All of these things happened and many more and yet the reality of actually transitioning hit her hard. Transition is completely different than any sort of cross-dressing or being very feminine. Just because she was okay with something in the past does not mean she will be okay with transitioning. As with every coming out assuming or expecting a result will only cause pain.

Trust

You will break their trust. There is no way around that.

Therapy

Encouraging her to go and talk with a therapist is not only one of the best things you can do it is something you should do period because you care about them. You may or may not transition, but the fact that you are transgender is something they need to not bury and need to talk through. Bottling that up won't do anyone any good. If you do transition there will be many things that come up that she might want to talk through with a therapist before with you. Above all this helps her feel like she is not completely alone. Her mental help is very important and during this time it will be strained and expecting her to go it alone is mean.
And to be clear, separately the two of you can try to go to couples therapy (also really good!), but that is not what this is. Her going to therapy isn't about convincing her, or changing her, or you. It is about helping and supporting her through this.

Support

You can tell them about mypartneristrans, but if you love them, don't subscribe, never post anything, and never comment there. Ever. Serious. Do you want to give them a safe space? A place they can yell at you because this journey is hard for them? Don't you dare go poking in there. I looked around a little bit early on and the number of MtF who would put in their two cents and comment when it wasn't wanted or needed was just insane. They need some moderators to ban them to help make it more of a safe space. Seriously, don't subscribe, you will just be tempted to comment, which is the worst thing you could do.

Life, Family, and future

Note: This next entire section is all from the lens of heteronormativity. I don't know of any situation is as black and white, but it is easiest to explain this way. The important bit is to put yourself in her shoes and see how she sees you and her family today and how change can undermine that and what many of her first thoughts might be. Ultimately use this to think about what you can do to step up to be there for her and your family through this.
Your wife is married. She has a family. Her entire upbringing has given her various expectations about how this can go and taught her to prepare for it. So many girls have a life plan when they are young: high school, college, dating, engagement, marriage, house, cat/dog, baby. They know how many kids they want and their names before they are teenagers. High level details like your work and provide for the family. She stays home and raises the kids. You are the leader. You are friends with other couples and then wives and husbands each hang out together and support each other.

Financial

There is a non-zero chance you will lose your job. She might have to go work to support the family. Maybe that is never something she expected to have to do and could resent even the idea.

Status

Transition and coming out is a public thing and changes how others see your family. Will other people see her as a lesbian? Will her family, friends, church all disown her because of what you are doing? How will random strangers react when they see you two out and about?

Support

It doesn’t matter how liberal your town is and how much other people don’t care, it is a life altering change in how others perceive her and her family. That means your support network will diminish and for her, that means her family's support network will also diminish. Her family will be seen as less than everyone else, maybe even failed.

Children

You might be a child free couple. You might be too old to have more kids. You might be done having kids. You might be on the verge of divorce and having kids in the future was never even on the table. But none of that matters as she might feel it was always an "option" for her and now you are taking that away.
It also doesn't matter if there are success stories about going off HRT, going on Clomid, and having everything work again after a few months (no guarantee of course). That again is not the point. This will further come up if you get an Orchiectomy by itself or with SRS.
And if she actually wanted more kids then this is a big issue. Besides what she wants, women get a ton of pressure to have kids. From society, from their friends, from their family. Being married it is expected that she will have kids. Taking this away is huge.
A gut reaction might be that her family "story" is effectively over.
Related: How might she feel if you want your kids to call you mom?

Wife societal roles

After getting married we fell into the many roles that the husband and wife do. We were not a 1950's family or anything, but when I expressed interest in learning how to cook, it was seen as taking away something from her because that was one of the things she did.
Be aware that as you toss away assumed gender roles and explore activities you might not have before that she might see it as an affront on what she does.

Worry

They will be worried about your family's safety and financial security being now at risk. If you have kids what will the kids say, what will the kid's friend say, what about the school? What about her parents? What about your parents? Are any of them going to try to take her kids from her because of you? There is a lot to worry and be anxious about.

Sex

Maybe she likes being submissive in the bedroom. Being the one desired and the sexy one. Being the one thrown on the bed. Getting fucked with a dick. Is all of that going away? Are you going to want to be submissive? And you are going to have breasts! In her mind, they are going to be huge and she doesn't know if that will be okay with her. And if she is okay with it... what does that say about herself?
What if your sexuality changes? What if you want to be with men and not her? That is a whole other thing.

Loss of a spouse

A worry can be that rather than being the "man of the house" or a partner you will turn into a roommate at best and a burden at worst. You will lose all of the stuff she knows and counts on you for being "the man", but can't imaging gaining anything and through your transition she will have to support you rather than you supporting the family.

Supporting your family

You can't promise anything, all you can do is show. Support her and your family in ways you never did before. Make your job more secure. Make your finances secure. Take on every small and little task before even being asked.
Do you want to be her wife? Not the fairy tale wedding gown stuff. The everyday grind. Helping with the kids and not the fun stuff such as playing, but constantly picking up after them and getting them to bed. The never ending laundry and dishes? All of that and more, never once with the expectation of a thank you. Taking out the trash, waking up with the kids when they get up early, taking them to doctor appointments, buying her sister a birthday gift, and so much more.
And with your transition having a real honest talk about children and what you both want and how to fit that into your transition. Do you want more kids? Will you go off HRT to make that happen?
And externally. Will you work with her to minimize the awkward period and social repercussions even if that means you could be in the closet for another 12 or 18 months after starting HRT?
Be a better wife than you were a husband.

Her sexuality

You need to accept that she might only be attracted to individuals that look “male”. Even if you two remain friends and she might love you she might not at all be attracted to you if you stop looking “male”. You need to make sure she knows that it is okay for her to say she is not attracted to how you turn out and for you to split amicably. In the same way that you don't want others to tell you what your gender is, don't tell your wife what her sexuality is.

No absolutes

Don't say you will only do X and then later realize you want to do X+1. Even if you are sure that you only want to do X. Transitioning is a journey and the further you go on it the more time you have to learn about yourself and what is the right thing for you. Ambiguity is not at all what your wife wants to hear, they might even demand absolutes, but having to take back things you said is much much worse. You will feel bad and further breaking their trust.

This doesn't have to be a today, right now thing

Transitioning is a long multi-year journey with many steps on the way. You don’t have to socially transition this very moment. Telling her you want her to be on this journey where you figure it out together might be helpful. We didn’t tell my parents until almost a year on HRT (they had no clue) and didn’t socially transition full time at work until a few months later, but I could have easily pushed that forward (at least up until FFS happened). There was around a year and a half between when I first came out to my wife and when I socially transitioned. There are many steps along the way and many decisions don't have to be made right now. It is okay for your wife to hold back and just see how things go at first before deciding if they still want to be married to you. Both you and her need to know this.

This doesn’t go away.

You might be tempted to put the cork back in the bottle because they say so, demand so, or threaten you. It will probably come back in a few years. They need to know that the desire to transition isn't going away especially now that you know what is possible.
Plenty of couples have had compromises in one way or another such as getting divorced the day after SRS, but until that day being there for each other.

Suicide

Before starting HRT I was suicidal. Every single day I needed to take a step in the direction of my transition. Getting on HRT at a correct dose was the most important thing for my sanity and continued living. Hormones first and foremost were about my mental well being.
I was beyond scared, terrified more like it to tell this to my wife and I regret not opening up to let her know that I felt this way until more than a year later. This caused a lot of strife as the hormone dose I felt was seen as something she could control, a proxy for the rest of my transition when it wasn't.
If I could go back and do anything differently it would have been to express that to my wife and let her know that I can push back socially transitioning, take things slower and so many other things, but being on the correct hormone dose is a medical thing and gave me a reason to live the next day.
If there is something you are suicidal about make sure you convey what is non negotiable.

post-transition sex

If you still have sex, it will probably be different. Your sex drive will change. How your body responds will change. Throwing away the old script and finding a new script that you both like will also probably happen. This will be a change for both of you. Communication is absolutely the key here. Even if you are okay with using your current equipment now, don't assume you will later.
Sex for two women is very different and given how little attention men give their wives will probably be more fun for her. Communicate and be willing to try things together. I want to write about how different and how much better our sex is, but honestly, this post Our sex life is shockingly SO MUCH BETTER afteduring her transition! is a way better worded version of this and you want to read it from the partners perspective, not mine.

Read in their own words

What I have written here is mostly from my perspective with some knowledge gained in hindsight. All I can do it try to help you not make the same mistakes I did. But I am not my spouse and can never truly know what being on the other side feels like.
I highly recommend you seek out posts by wives that describe in their own words what it felt like for them. Here is one very well written one that I suggest you read next: A Partner's Perspective.

Post series

This is one entry in a series of posts drawn out of notes and journal entries. A link to all of the posts can be found in my transition journey.
submitted by 2d4d_data to TransLater [link] [comments]


2020.08.31 21:03 ashikat413 Can we work it out? ADVICE NEEDED!

I'm 21F , I've been dating my boyfriend 21M for just over a year now. This is going to be a long one. (Reposted after original was taken down for language)

TLDR; My boyfriend promises to work on his problem with dishonesty, but keeps lying anyway. On top of that, I'm dealing with a lot of insecurity issues related to his attraction to other women and I'm having a very hard time coming to terms with it. At what point does being in love stop being a good enough reason to stay?

Personal Issue Context:

My biggest personal hurdle is being demisexual (Asexual, but I CAN feel attracted to him specifically under specific circumstances.) and dating someone straight. It's really hard for me to come to terms with knowing he will never be attracted to me exclusively, so he can never feel the same way about me as I do about him. The idea that no one will ever feel this way about me is really heartbreaking for me, but I dont feel like sexuality should be a dealbreaker in this context and I'm trying very very hard to just come to terms with it. The problems come in when he actively rubs it in my face (albeit accidentally) that he finds someone else attractive.
A lot of the rest of the issues also come from PTSD from my last relationship, and my crippling depression and self esteem issues, and some other mental illness related stuff. My ex was horribly abusive, a hentai addict, and a cheater. On top of that, I am recovering from anorexia. I'm the biggest i have ever been now, and since i gained the weight rather fast I am covered in an abundance of stretchmarks pretty much everywhere, at 21 with no children i already have this many stretch marks. So now, because of all this, I feel like I am way more sensitive to my bf's reaction to other, prettier women, than I should be.

Relationship Context:

There have been 3 times now that I had wondered if we are really right for each other, and most recently it's because he just can't stop lying to me.. 90% of the time, when we are together in person, everything is really amazing and I feel fine. He's so sweet to me, the total opposite of my ex. I've never even heard him yell, when hes upset about something he gets a little bit quiet and then tries to talk it out with me so we can resolve it and enjoy our time together. He doesn't want me to be upset and is extremely understanding of my bizarre behavior caused by mental illness. In these moments he is truly my dream boyfriend! I can't express it enough, that other than the problems I'm going to tell you about here, he is a genuinely an amazing person and I love him dearly!
It's when he acts judgemental, or lies to me, that I feel the worst. And he will be ADAMANT about the lie, even when I am decisively telling him that I know the truth, spelling out the truth for him so it's not like I'm baiting him to tell me something I didn't know, and begging him to just stop being dishonest. Usually, he holds the lie, sleeps on it or just waits on it a while, and then confesses the next time I bring it up.
He lies about the weirdest things. We had a talk about sexuality, since he doesnt have any queelgbt friends and doesnt really understand it, so I wanted to have a talk to help him understand me better, and to get an idea of what behaviors related to his sexuality I should expect (like whether he'd need some time alone for the solo tango and such.) I wanted to express my acceptance, and and find his in return. In this talk, he ended up telling me that he's only ever attracted to one person at a time (like a demisexual,) and vehemently claiming it to be true even after I explained that attraction is not controllable and does not mean you wanna sleep with or be with a person. You just find them attractive. He claimed it's true, only ever one person at a time!
I knew this was a lie because he told me early on in our relationship that he had a crush on a coworker while he was still with his ex, and had also talked about like celebrity crushes and such. So.... he obviously still feels attraction to others? But I want to believe him, because he seemed like a very honest person up until then, so I asked him if he thinks he might be demisexual like me. He said he might be. He took the opportunity to tell me I'm the only person he's attracted to. Hes also told me a few times since then that he gave up porn a while after we got together, because he has an entire folder of explicit pictures and videos of me/us. He does still watch porn, though, and hes admitted as much now, so I dont really know why he said that. I never asked him to give it up or anything like that, so idk. Probably the only really relevant lies to the biggest problems we've had, so I'll move on now.
I want to tell you the biggest fights we've had, the times i truly wondered if we should be together. All of them happened this year in 2020, before and after the one year mark. I hope to make it clear how each incident was a massive blow to be self esteem and security problems, and how each one just adds to the insecurity..

February 2020

(Together for 7 months)
TLDR; He tried to tell me what to where to a place that it shouldn't have mattered, and then confessed that he'd been embarrassed to be seen with me all this time. He apologized after I explained why controlling my clothes isnt ok, and that other than that the whole thing was kind of hurtful, but I ended up getting rid of the outfit he didnt like and getting new clothes.
I was just in the peak of recovery with anorexia. I had gained 60lbs in 6 months and none of my clothes fit anymore. Probably the height of me self esteem problems up until the next big fight I’m going to tell you about. My main outfits now were just t shirts/hoodies and my stretchiest pants (yoga pants and leggings) genuinely because nothing else fit, but I never really cared about my clothes beyond “presentable” anyway.
He was invited to a birthday party for his best friend since highschool, and I was invited by association. I'd met and hung out with him and his girlfriend, so I was happy to go. My boyfriend took this chance to suddenly announce to me that he's gonna buy me a new outfit. I mean. okay, thats really sweet and i appreciate it, but why this out of nowhere? Especially with my birthday like JUST a month away? Why not wait for that?
"The (university) hoodie and grey pants arent going to work for this party. Theyre fine at just my house or when we're shopping and no one cares what we look like, but I'm going to get you some jeans to wear."
I was really stuck between appreciating him wanting to help me with the wardrobe issue, and being really offended about the reason why. He had never done anything remotely controlling until then, and hasnt since. I explained to him why a. I was deeply offended, b. You cant just tell your girlfriend what to wear, regardless of the circumstances, and c. Its going to be a drunk college kid party, consisting of people who are all already friends and really arent going to be dressing to impress anyone. I guarantee 80% of every girl there will be wearing a (university) hoodie and leggings or sweats. (And I was right.)
That talk ended in him admitting that he had secretly been embarrassed to be seen with me all this time. That was just really heartbreaking to hear. I'm still not really over it months later, if I'm honest, and i'm always feeling self conscious about my clothes now. But, I don't ever bring it up to him, because he feels pretty guilty about the whole thing.
This was the first time I told him how important honesty is to me, and to please be more transparent about how he feels. If he hates something i wear, and I find out months later after wearing it all the time, its humiliating. And it hurts knowing hed been thinking that about me all this time.. i dont consider this to have been a lie, more like sparing my feelings or something. But it was the first time he'd hurt me. The first time I realized appearance matters to him.
I went and bought myself a new outfit.

Late July 2020

(together JUST over a year)
TLDR; I found a somewhat suggestive screenshot of a girl he went to school with and (was) friends with on Facebook. (She is now blocked.) He lied about it initially, but eventually admitted that he went out of his way to find her picture and "use" it. He apologized, but even his apology and confession was littered with provably false lies, including taking the screenshot on accident somehow and that he did this because he was angry at me after a fight the night he took that screenshot, when really on that night...
Next, this happened in July. Things had been feeling more and more off between us. At this point, I suppose it's relevant, I should tell you that I'm schizophrenic. It doesnt affect my daily life all that much, except it comes with a really intense and panic inducing sense of paranoia that creeps up on me and drowns me at seemingly random intervals. So, while I've never been wrong when i felt that something was wrong in regards to my partner when we're together in person, I still can't trust that it isn't just the paranoia and use that as a valid reason to confront him for a problem that I can't identify with no reason or proof other than "a feeling."
But we were together right at the end of July, a month after our first anniversary. Hanging out in bed. And something felt *wrong.* it had been this way for a while now. A month, maybe. Maybe I'm just not feeling right because I'm worried about my cat. recovering from surgery at home. Maybe? Maybe I'm worried about my mom, who's been really down lately. Or I'd been thinking about an old friend I was trying to reconnect with, but overcome with anxiety about finally doing it. Or the state of the world in general, with Covid, and riots. I dont know. What is this off feeling?? Is it really just my worries, or does it mean something?
I decided to finally put my paranoia to rest and outright asked him if I could go through his phone. I've never done something like this before.... I feel like the psycho girlfriend youre always warned about. Toxic. Distrusting. A bad girlfriend. I still feel horrible even after finding out I was right to feel paranoid. I regretted it the second I asked. And worst of all, living up to the “psycho” stereotype that comes with being schizophrenic is something I try my hardest to avoid.
He looked shocked, but he said yes and handed it over, and I couldn’t pass the opportunity to finally prove to myself everything is ok even if I felt bad about it. I sat in such a way that he could see what I was doing, and… .
I couldn't go through his messages. That's just too much. Too much invasion of privacy. But what else can I look at? I ended up in his gallery. There was one single dirty picture of someone other than me in his screenshots. It wasnt even very lewd, just kind of suggestive. Crop top, barely showing just enough to know there's no bra. No outright nudity. I happened to see the date he took it too, July 9th. Less than a month before I found it. I wouldnt have found that suspicious, but just one? I accept allos (literally everyone other than asexuals, including straight people) saving sexy pictures they found online, even if I cant understand it I can accept it. But just this one? Isnt that weird? Moreover, our anniversary is June 26th. It was barely 2 weeks after our anniversary, haha, wow..
I laughed, so he’d know i wasnt mad about it, I said something like “oh whats this?” in kind of a teasing tone, even though my heart had dropped 10 feet. He said "i dont know what that is.." and just reached over to delete it. He seemed really uncomfortable. I know it would probably be embarrassing, but he acted like he didnt know it would be there. It made me wonder.... really, why just this one? How did he forget it was there?

Whatever, i gave his phone back and we enjoyed the rest of our day together. The off feeling though, it never left. So, when I went home, and was alone again, it really did just consume me. What does it mean?? Does it mean anything?? I just bit the bullet. Fine if i look crazy, even after having gone through such an extreme as to look through his phone and still need answers…. i needed this horrible feeling put to rest. I texted him and asked "please be honest about that screenshot." The guilt of not trusting him still gnaws at me today, but I just... didnt have control of it.
And the confession came. He told me, this is a girl he knows. He went to school with her. He never talks to her, but he's friends with her on facebook. She was his old best friend's crush and he absolutely hated her. He isnt interested in her at all, "i really dont know why i had that screenshot, at all, im sorry."
Look, i dont know if its normal or not. I wouldnt fault him for keeping/using porn. I wouldnt fault him for keeping sexy photos of some random internet girl, even if it did make me feel self conscious and inferior, thats MY problem, not his. But someone he knows? Hes connected to? Someone in his life? Someone he could just open an app and message on a whim? I realize you can't stop yourself from being attracted to someone, but after the lengths he went through to tell me I was the only one, it was really a slap to the face. Howd he even get this picture of her?
I looked her up, and it wasnt on any of her mainstream social media that I could find. So howd he get it? He couldnt have accidentally stumbled across it. So i asked. He told me exactly where to find it, and I did. VSCO. I mean, really, VSCO, I haven't heard about that in ages, and I was surprised he even knew what it is. He remembered where he got it, even a month after taking it, despite "not knowing" why he had it. I told him as much, its suspicious, just tell me the truth already...
He said "you know why i was there.."
"i dont. Please tell me."
He admitted the obvious, what he used it for. He told me..... in short, "i dont know why! I was mad at you.. i hate how we’re always fighting lately, and I was trying to fall asleep... i dont know why i thought of her, i swear i dont know why." He also told me he took the screenshot on accident. But I saw the full picture of her. The background in his was cropped out. He took it on purpose and cropped it. He made sure to keep her face in it, though.
The other thing is... we rarely fight. I do get sad often and i know that must be frustrating, but Im rarely angry or upset with him, and hes rarely angry or upset with me. In fact, he couldn’t give me a single example of something I did that made him angry because it happened so seldomly, he couldn't remember one. But I wanted to be understanding. I wanted to be able to understand, sympathize, forgive him. So, I went back to the date his phone saved it under, July 9th, in our conversation to find out what happened that night. What I did wrong, and need to do better.

July 9th 2020

TLDR; We had been doing really really well since our anniversary, less than two weeks ago. But this day, my cat was badly injured and had emergency surgery. She means the world to me, so I was really distressed all day. That night, he cut off our normal time together early and told me it was because I needed to take care of the cat, but when I called him out on the weird excuse, he admitted he just wanted more time alone from now on. I was mad at him for lying, but so upset about everything else going on that I just ended up having a breakdown. We ended up staying on the phone until after 2am, because neither of us thought it was safe for me to be alone, and then he came to see me around 4am out of worry. I appreciated him being there for me, but he still hurt me. We SLEPT together that morning, when he got here, but I knew something felt off. I was so distressed though, that I didn't give it much thought.
…. It was the night my cat had emergency surgery. I spent all day in the vet waiting room, and then just taking care of her as the sedatives wore off. I’ve had this cat for half my life, I named her when I was just a kid. I’ve raised two litters of her kittens. She’d been there in every worst moment of my life. She’s just a cat, whatever, I know, but she means the world to me. I was in absolute distress, and every conversation I had with him that day was about her. We didn’t fight until later that night.
But just to be sure, I looked for days and days before the 9th. We hadn’t had a fight any time that week, or the week before. We were riding on honeymoon phase pretty much since our anniversary. At least, I had thought so. There was nothing until July 9th.
That night, I was in the bathroom with the cat for hours and hours and hours. She needed to be quarantined from other cats and restricted in movement until the stitches were out, but couldnt be alone while the sedatives wore off because she couldnt walk and kept falling over onto the stitches. Besides that, she was confused and scared and I just needed to be there. I needed to be there for her.

It was getting later, and I was still an absolute mess. She fell asleep, and I was so relieved. My boyfriend asked me if I wanted to call, and watch something on netflix. It is normal for us to do this, usually 2 or 3 times a week, so it was just a nice return to normalcy for me to regain some composure and calm down. We usually would watch until 10 or 11pm, But this night, the night I really needed him the most in all the time we've been together, he’s ready to say goodbye at around 9. It’s not that big of a deal, but he told me “You need to go take care of your baby!”
I - …. Huh? My cat? That just… didn’t sound right? It’s ok, I said goodbye and hung up. He texted me right away with “you’re upset :<” ... I guess I wear my feelings on my sleeve.
I didn’t even really know what to say to that. I mean, everything about that day was really upsetting so of course I was. But, one of the few times I really could have used his comfort, and he left early.. and used my injured cat as an excuse? I knew it didn’t sound right, but I also felt like being sad about it was selfish on my part. I said “Do you want us to set a time we have to wrap up the show? Because if you wanna be to bed at a certain time, I understand.” He told mehe wanted an hour or so alone before bed from now on.
Look, that’s totally reasonable. It hurt my feelings a little, but it’s still a reasonable way to feel. Everyone needs alone time.. But there was one thing i didn’t like. “Why did you lie about it??”

That’s when the fight started. But it wasn’t just about that. I went into an all out downward spiral. Because something. felt. wrong. Everything came out. How self conscious and insecure I’d been feeling around him, until recently, and how I was so scared it'd go back to that. How he didn’t seem to feel for me the way he used to. How I was so scared, all the time. How I didn’t want to be in pain anymore. He wanted alone time, and he decided to tell me THAT night of all nights, when I really needed him. He called me again pretty much right away, but even on the phone with him it had been one of my worst nights in regards to (dangerous thoughts.) We talked on the phone until around 2am, when he just couldnt stay awake anymore. He tried so hard, and I appreciate it so much. I couldn’t be alone that night and he was there for me. I fell asleep in the bathtub with my hand hanging over the edge where the cat could find it if she needed me. An absolute mess. I haven’t felt that horrible in a long time. He came over at 4 am that morning, because he was worried and couldnt get back to sleep.
He came, and he slept with me. *slept* with me.

Both July incidents in tandem.

TLDR; If he took that screenshot on the 9th, and the only unpleasant conversation we had spilled into the 10th, it means he did it while I was crying at the vet's office or in the bathroom with my cat. He lied about his reason, even if there is no good reason to begin with, he still lied about his. The day before he would see me again, (and we sleep together every day we see each other so..) ... The day I thought I was going to lose my cat. The day I was crying and distressed all day and needed his support. That day was the day he just wanted someone else so badly that one mildly suggestive picture was better than everything I had to offer him, good enough that he saved it so he could keep using it in the future. Good enough that just her face, stomach, and a hint underboob was better than EVERYTHING I gave him.
If that fight lasted all night, into the 10th, and that screenshot was taken ON the 9th, then he didn’t do it because we were mad or fighting. He wasn’t thinking about her because he was too angry to want me at the time. He wasn’t trying to fall asleep. I was going to see him the very next day, when he was guaranteed to get laid, I was having my worst day in years, worried sick that I might lose my pet to a horrific injury that needed emergency surgery. And he was thinking about this girl, going out of his way to find an even remotely suggestive photo of her to “use” … while I was crying and worried sick. And he lied about it. Always, always with the lies. He did that, when I was so worried, and hurting, and scared, and then he came and SLEPT WITH me just hours later. Hours after fantasizing about someone else.
Am I being petty? I feel petty, but my heart broke when I found all this out. It broke. It broke the same way it did when my ex cheated on me. It broke and it still doesnt feel right a month later. I can’t get it out of my head. How pretty she is. Skinnier, and bustier, with better skin, better makeup. She is so pretty. And that he didn’t stumble across this picture and like it, he went out of his way to LOOK for it, because he wanted her. He wanted her so badly that just this one barely suggestive picture was good enough when dozens of explicit pictures and videos of me weren’t. It was better to him than everything he had of me, so much so that he wanted to keep it to use later, (which he did, after this incident and before I found it, according to him.) And it wasnt for any reason that I could control. I couldn’t just be nicer, less argumentative, more agreeable, because he WASN’T upset with me when he did it. He just wanted someone else. And... seeing me in so much pain didn't take his mind off that at all? Am I being too sensitive to be hurt by that?
We talked all this out. He blocked her on facebook to help me feel more secure about the situation. He promised never to use a picture of someone he personally knows again. He apologized so much. He was an absolute mess, feeling guilty about hurting me. I got to tell him how insecure I had been feeling, once again, how inferior I feel. I told him once, during a talk about this, that I was sad because she is so much prettier than me. His response was “Well… you’re nicer than her..” He said it with good intentions, but ouch. Really, Ouch.
I've been asking him for poses and the like that he needs that he doesn't have, so that he could just use my photos when he wants to, I've been trying to just be more agreeable in general, I've been trying to be good enough to be the only one he wants even though, logically, I know it just doesn't work that way. But I can't help wanting that...

August 28 - Now


TLDR; I caught him checking out our waitress's ass, BLATANTLY, right in front of me, and i mean STARING. At the time, I didn't think it was justified to be upset about it, but I was anyway. I had a hard time talking after that, and he did try to find out what was wrong, but I wasn't able to tell him until I had stopped being upset about the the next night. When I told him, he adamantly denied having done it, even though I poked holes in every single explanation or excuse he gave, and he kept denying it until the morning after that. He apologized in a fit of tears for lying, and for checking out someone in front of me like that when he knows how insecure I've been feeling lately. He promised to work on the dishonesty issues, but I'm still feeling unsafe and insecure with him. The whole thing ended with me having a breakdown in my insecurity and then finally getting some sleep.
Last Friday...
He's back to work now and he picked me up at the usual time after his shift, and we went out on our little weekly date thing. There are some restaurants open around, as long as you wear a mask when you enter and leave, so we went out to dinner this time. I was happy.
While we were talking, waiting for our food, our waitress was at an empty table just next to ours. She reached over it to grab something (because of social distancing, half the tables weren't being used regardless of capacity, so it was just being used to hold menus and plates and stuff on it.)
He turned his head 90 degrees, and stared. Stared at her ass, right in front of me. I was RIGHT THERE. Sitting RIGHT next to him. And he *stared* the entire time she was there.
Just like all the times before, my heart dropped. It just dropped. I keep thinking to myself.... he's straight. He's not like you, Ashi, he's straight. He can't help finding someone attractive. You need to get over it, and love him for the way he is, and stop being so sensitive about it. But...
Did he really have to check her out so blatantly right in front of me??? Why??? Why let me see you do that, why??? When you know how much it hurts me to see you thinking about other women like this? After we had a massive fight and almost broke up JUST A MONTH AGO because you accidentally let me find out about your lust for someone else? Why? Why let this happen again?
But I know better. I know I don't have the right to be upset about this. Even so, I couldn't help my feelings, and I had a really hard time talking after that. Through the rest of dinner, I didn't even want to look at him in case he did it again. I didn't want to see it, I didn't want to know. But, obviously, he noticed, and was trying to get me to tell him why I was acting like that. But what was I supposed to say? Don't look at the waitress? Even if I wanted to, I couldn't make myself speak anyway. I just ate my food quietly.
I decided later, though, that it isn't fair not to tell him what's on my mind, even when I believe I'm in the wrong. But I knew he'd feel guilty about it, or be embarrassed, or feel like he's being watched all the time when he's with me, I was scared to tell him. I stalled. Soon enough, it was the next day. In the end, I told him Saturday night. I didn't ask for an apology. I didn't want him to say anything about it, really, but he wanted to know what caused my change in behavior and I felt that he had the right to know. At least that way he could avoid doing it again if he wanted to.
So I told him, and he denied it. He denied it, even though I WATCHED him do it. He told me he'd been staring aimlessly at things. The restrooms, some brooms by a closet, a TV overheard, that table. She just HAPPENED to be there. But.... I knew he was lying. I knew because he didn't have his head turned ALL THE WAY LEFT like that except for the one time she was bent over the table, and he didn't look away until she left.
I told him this, and he persisted. "I dont know, i was just looking around aimlessly. I was feeling awkward because you werent talking to me." But....... I WAS talking to him. I was mid sentence when he did it. I didn't go quiet until after I saw him do it..... so it wasn't JUST a bad excuse, it was objectively untrue.
I asked him again and again to stop denying it and to stop lying, but he just doubled down. He kept explaining and explaining and throwing out new excuses. He even asked me to call him, because he was upset and felt like we shouldn't have this talk via text. And even then, HE PERSISTED. HE KEPT DENYING IT. Eventually he gave up and changed the subject, and then went to sleep. I didn't sleep. I was angry. For the first time since I found that picture, the second time since that incident in February, I was genuinely angry. I fucking hate liars, and I don't know how much longer he can be an exception.
The next morning, I brought it up again right away. I told him to apologize for lying.
He apologized for lying. And then he had a crying fit, telling me he didn't know why he did it. He said he didn't know why he lied, and promised over and over that he would work on this. He wants to be better for me, he wants to stop hurting me, he wants to be someone I can trust. He said he didn't why he checked her out like that, either. Telling me how he disliked her after seeing her wearing the mask under her nose like an idiot and saying something rude to a nearby table. (I saw the mask misuse but I have no idea what hes talking about with the rudeness.) He had no idea why he wanted to look. "I dont know why, I don't know why."
I guess he has a thing for people he disapproves of or perceives to be awful.
I didn't want to be accusatory, but I was still really pissed off that he tried to lie about it. I mean, something so painfully obvious, even though I TOLD him I didn't want an apology or anything, he felt the need to deny it. I can't take all this fucking dishonesty!!! What the fuck.
Shortly after all this, I had something of an emotional break down and then finally falling asleep. Mostly just this self conscious, hopeless feeling, of knowing he's going to be constantly having his eye on someone else, even when I'm right next to him. And that he would actually rather deny it and let me believe I'm just being a crazy paranoid schizo again, rather than just maybe looking kind of bad for a day. I just, I don't know, I'm petty and jealous and that's really shitty. I know. But holy fuck, I was so upset and I still am. I just wish I could be good enough. Just once, I want the security of knowing im the only one he wants. Just once. I don't want to feel so hopeless and insecure all the fucking time. But as long as I'm trying to recover from PTSD, body issues, the jealousy... I'm not going to feel safe with him anymore.

Conclusion...

I genuinely wonder now if I just shouldn't be in a relationship until I get these problems under control. I don't know if I can give him my trust again, after the constant lies. I know the ones I mentioned don't sound like all that much, but there were just so many small ones sprinkled throughout the entire confession every time he had to give me one, because he just didn't want to admit something?? So when am I supposed to believe he's being honest and when he's just telling me what he thinks I want to hear? How many things has he told me that I don't know were really lies?
And I feel so pathetic for being so god damn hurt over small things. After being CHEATED ON, seeing him just *like* another woman's body should be nothing. He's never cheated on me. He's never even flirted with someone else, as far as I know. So why am I so hurt? Why can't I be relieved? Why can't I just feel safe?
And why.. Why does someone so kind, so smart and sweet and supportive and loving, have to be a liar?? Why? Why did I have to fall in love with someone who lies to me?? Besides the dishonesty, he is everything I have ever wanted. I have so much respect for every other aspect of him. It is worth staying with him while he works on these issues, as adamantly he promises to try to be better about that, is it worth being in pain while I work on mine, or do I leave him until I figure this shit out? I love him so much, I can't even articulate how much I adore this man. How much I love (almost..) every second I spend with him, how much better my life has been since meeting him, how badly I want to be by his side supporting him as he tackles his plans for his life. I want a future with him, so so badly I want that. I don't want to be without him, even if I know I'll be okay again someday and get over it, I want to be with him. But... is it really worth feeling like this? The future I want with him... will I be happy if I don't trust him? Will I feel safe some day?

What do I do? Please, what do I do?
submitted by ashikat413 to relationships [link] [comments]


2020.08.31 16:25 5midge I am 28 years old, live in a medium sized city in Ontario, Canada and am on Maternity Leave (living on $3K/month)

My last Money Diary is here: https://www.reddit.com/MoneyDiariesACTIVE/comments/g2o9tb/i_am_27_years_old_make_75k_typically_live_in_a/
Assets and Debts
Retirement Balance: I have combined TFSAs and RRSPs in an investment fund that is managed for me by a private company. As of this writing my balance is $99,428. Thankfully my investments have recovered post-COVID. I pay into 2 pensions which I don’t expect to fall back on for my retirement (I will likely be leaving these jobs in the near future).
Savings account balance: $17,748.75 (this is my fully funded emergency fund which covers 12 months of necessary expenses).
“Fun” fund: $6,407.19 saved for vacations, rainy days, or more frivolous purchases
Emergency pet and car fund: $1000
Checking account balance: $9,424.59. I keep my balance high enough to avoid the monthly fee.
Other savings: My husband and I have several savings/sinking funds, namely, ~$43K saved for our future home (we will be building in the next 18 months), and ~$1500 saved for baby costs. I also have a Sinking Fund for gifts (balance is ~$550 currently) and a fund for several expensive yearly costs (life insurance payments, professional fees, etc; the balance is ~$2260).
Credit card debt: $0 (I pay off my balances on two cards monthly)
Student loan debt (Bachelor and Masters of Nursing Science): $0. I’m very fortunate that my undergrad was partially financed by scholarships, my parents, grandmother, and my own savings. I worked part-time all through my undergrad to pay for living expenses, and I received a small allowance from my mother. I worked full-time all through my Masters degree and graduated debt-free (I did get some government grants and scholarships).
Car debt: We just paid off our car a few months ago! $0
Total Net Worth: $142,493.00
Income
Monthly Take Home: Typically my husband and I keep our incomes separate as we make similar amounts. Since I am on leave for a year, we decided to “pay each other” half of what we bring in. Half of my husband’s take home pay is $1830. I get about $2000 monthly (making my half about $1000) from the government as my maternity leave pay (this will decrease in the coming months. I might also be getting some extra pay from my employer but I have to wait and see).
Canada Child Benefit: We qualify to receive $212 from the government on a monthly basis. We have this money earmarked for baby-related expenses, and the rest will go into our Baby Sinking Fund.
Total Income: $2936
Expenses
Rent: $577/month for my share of a two bedroom apartment. I live with my husband, son, and our dog.
Renter’s insurance: bundled with our car insurance (see below).
Retirement contribution: paused for now while on mat leave.
Savings contribution: mostly paused for now while on leave. I do contribute my “left over” money that I have budgeted but don’t spend to various sinking funds (eg. I budget $50/month in pet costs, but I transfer it to savings if I don’t spend that full amount).
Debt payments: $0
Donations: this varies. I save $150 per month for “gifts” so that I don’t get stressed around the holidays and have money put aside for birthdays, etc. I donate whatever I have left over (last year it was $500 to various charities).
Utilities: $120 (split with husband). We only pay electricity, so it’s been more expensive in the summer when we are running fans/AC.
Wifi: my half is 36.73
Cellphone: $50.85
Subscriptions: $5 Spotify (I still have a student rate), Amazon Prime Student ($44 yearly), $11.70 for Crave TV (I will be cancelling when I’m done The Handmaid’s Tale), $50 annual Aaptiv membership (I don’t plan to renew this either)
Gym membership: I’m pausing my gym membership indefinitely. I pay $96.05/month for unlimited yoga which includes live online classes.
Pet expenses: I budget $50/month on for food, vet expenses, etc (also split with my husband). What I don’t spend gets put in a sinking fund.
Car payment / insurance: the car is paid off, but we pay $66.96 each for insurance (bundled with renter’s insurance).
Monday
2:30am- I’m up to feed baby. We welcomed our son into the world 3 weeks ago and we are doing just one feed at night usually. I scroll Instagram while he eats, then I change his diaper, and settle him back to bed around 3:15.
6:00am- He’s up earlier than I was expecting. Same routine, except it takes him a bit longer to settle this time. He’s back to sleep by 7am, which provides me the perfect opportunity to do a virtual yoga class (my first since giving birth). I have a quick breakfast and go for a walk with my mom and the baby. I get some mom juice/coffee ($4.75) at a local cafe that has a takeout window. He screams the whole time so we cut it short. By 9am, he’s ready to feed again.
10:00am- I have an appointment to see the chiropractor as I injured my tailbone in labour. My mom watches the baby while I’m out. I have insurance so I’ll be reimbursed most of the cost of the appointment (my cost is $5). While I am on the other end of town, I pop into Old Navy to do a return (someone gave us some newborn clothing which he never got a chance to wear), Home Sense to look for some throw pillows for our couch to make breastfeeding more comfortable (no luck), and I stop by my friend’s to return a bell jar (I return it full of vegan sweet potato brownies). I’m back home for baby’s next feed.
12:00pm- My mom packs up her things and gets ready to go home for a few days (she’s stayed with us since baby arrived to help out. I seriously don’t know what we would have done without her). We say a tearful goodbye and I put the baby in the wrap to cook some lunch. I spend the rest of the afternoon feeding baby and trying to get him to sleep. He fights it hard. Once my husband gets off work (from home) I steal a 20 minute nap.
6:00pm- After feeding the baby again, we tag team making dinner. We eat in shifts as baby fusses. He eventually settles and we relax in front of the television (I’m currently watching Modern Family). The rest of the evening is spent feeding and settling baby. We head to bed at 10:30.
Tuesday
1:30 and 5:00am- Up to feed. I fight to stay awake.
7:00am- Baby starts to stir, so I pop his binky back in his mouth and grab a shower and a quick breakfast. Baby isn’t awake yet so I cuddle the dog in bed and read a chapter of my book (American Dirt- it’s fantastic). Around 8:15 the baby starts waking up again, so I change and feed him. We get out for an hour-long walk with the dog around 9:30.
11:00am- It’s been three hours and baby should be ready to feed soon, but he’s sleeping so I let him nap a while longer since he hasn’t been sleeping well during the day. He decides he is hungry when I’m about halfway through my lunch so I pause to feed him. I try to get a few things done but he’s inconsolable once I put him down, so I put him down beside me on the couch and hope he sleeps for a bit. Since I’m stuck on the couch with him, I browse Old Navy’s website for some fall clothing for him (I have a few coupons) and watch a few episodes of Modern Family.
4:00pm- The rest of the day is a blur of feeding and consoling baby. When my husband gets off work, he takes over baby duties while I get a 30 minute yoga break. Around 6pm we put together a simple dinner (homemade falafel balls from the freezer, hummus, pita bread, and salad). We hang out on the couch with the television on most of the evening. I pass out around 10pm for a short power nap, feed the baby one more time, then am off to bed.
Wednesday
2:30am and 6:00am- Up to feed baby. Both times require an outfit change (not sure if it’s pee or breastmilk… somehow it doesn’t matter).
7:15am- I forgot to turn off my alarm so I am up earlier than I would have liked. I have a quick shower and eat breakfast while half-watching a Youtube video and jotting down some thoughts in my journal. I also throw in a load of laundry (we have a coin machine in our building and pay $2 for a wash and $1.50 for a dry).
9:00am- Time to feed the baby again. My husband gets him changed and dressed while I switch over the laundry. It takes an hour to get dressed and eat a piece of toast as a second breakfast. I head out for a walk with the dog and the baby around 10am.
11:00am- I accomplish a few household tasks while the baby continues to sleep: tidy clutter, fold and put away laundry, refill the bathroom hand soap. While the baby is sleeping I bake a batch of muffins and granola (win!)
1:30pm- After eating a quick lunch and feeding the baby, I am out to door to an appointment with him. We run a couple of errands along the way: a return at the GAP, the pharmacy for diapers ($24. We will be switching to cloth when he hits 10 pounds), tea ($3), and a bottle of sparkling water ($2), and the dollar store for a few greeting cards ($5.65). We get to the appointment on time and it was not fun (he had his tongue tie released to help with making feeding less painful).
5:00pm- The afternoon is a blur (are you sensing a theme here?). I feed the baby and my husband puts the finishing touches on dinner. The baby has a solid 3 hour nap so we are able to eat without soothing him and we even watch a Netflix show (a horribly depressing Planet Earth-esque documentary about climate change; bad choice). The rest of the evening is spent feeding the baby and trying to stay awake. We head to bed around 10:30
Thursday
3:00 and 6:00am- Up to feed the baby. I sleep for another 45 minutes after the 6am feed, and am up at 8:15 to shower and eat breakfast quickly. I feed the baby around 9am, at which time the husband finally gets up. I’ll be completely honest in saying that aside from learning to cope with less sleep, the changes to our relationship as new parents has been the most difficult. I need to make an appointment with my therapist to process some of my feelings and misdirected resentment.
9:45am- I get out for a short walk with the dog and baby. We stop for an iced coffee and I grab a bag of coffee beans (my half is $11.50). The dog gets a treat and she is ecstatic.
11:20am- I successfully get the baby down for a nap in his bassinet which means I don’t have to supervise him as closely when he sleeps. I get a few things done around the house and eat lunch (with both of my hands!).
1:00pm- Baby feeds again. We have some awake time then I settle him down for a nap with moderate success. I also try to nap but can’t fall asleep. In between settling him, I do some online window-shopping for leakproof underwear and a few photo frames.
4:00pm- Baby is up to feed and my husband gets done work. I hand the baby off to eat an early dinner of leftovers. We are still quite hungry and nothing in my fridge is speaking to me, so we decide to go for a long walk and get some takeout. I get two vegan tofu bao buns that cost me $13.56 and they are worth every penny. We get home in time to feed the baby again, then we give him a bath (he loves bath time; it’s adorable). My mom arrives back to stay for a few days, we say hello and goodnight and head to bed around 10:45.
Friday
3:30am- Up to feed. He settles quickly.
6:30am- The baby starts stirring and we finally get up to eat at 7am. My mom holds the baby while I shower and eat, then we go for a walk and I get a coffee ($4.75). We feed a little bit early because the baby is crying and seems hungry.
11:00 am- I feed the baby again because I have an appointment at the physiotherapist to help with my tailbone and assess me for diastasis recti. She really helps with my pain and gives me some stretches to do. After insurance reimbursement, I pay $12.50. It’s my mom’s birthday this weekend and I want to bake her a cake, so I stop at Michaels for a few supplies and a frame for her gift ($42). I also buy a hand mixer at Bed Bath and Beyond (I’ve lived away from home for almost 11 years and have never invested in one). It costs $56. When I get back home, I feed the baby and also feed myself a half a bagel with avocado. Later, I place a grocery order for pickup ($74, which I put on our shared credit card). Our grocery costs have been low this month because people have been so generous in dropping off food!
6:00 pm- The baby is due for a nap, but my husband is not listening when I ask him to settle the baby down in his bassinet. Tension has been building for days between my husband and I, and this is the last straw. I go for a walk around the block to cool off, and clear my head enough to have a somewhat productive discussion. I email my therapist to book an appointment.
9:30pm- We hang out on the couch for most of the night. My husband declares he will be taking off tomorrow for several hours to visit his family *internal screaming* I fall asleep on the couch for a short nap before our last feeding of the day, and we are in bed at 10:45.
Saturday
4:00am- Up to feed. Baby settles quickly.
7:15am- The baby is waking up slowly, so I get up and start our day. It’s my Mom’s birthday today and she opens her present while I feed the baby. My mom takes the baby while I shower and eat breakfast. I wake up the husband at 9am so he can pick up our groceries in time. He leaves to visit his family around 10 and promises to be back by 3pm. It takes everything in me not to roll my eyes.
10:30am- Time to feed the baby again. My mom and I go for a walk with the baby and dog and run a couple of errands. I purchase another nursing bra from a local shop since I am constantly doing laundry and none of my old bras fit ($45). We pick up roti for lunch (my Mom pays) and head home. My tailbone is really sore when we get home, so I relax on the couch and do some of my physio exercises. My mom throws in a load of laundry for us ($3.50)
1:00pm- After a feed, baby goes down quickly for a nap. I start baking a birthday cake for my mom, and tidy up a bit.. I contemplate taking a nap, but opt for a tea instead. I post on Facebook to ask if anyone in the neighbourhood has any fresh flowers they can spare for a cake topper. I run around the corner to pick a few marigolds from a generous neighbour.
6:30pm- We order take out for dinner as a treat (my half is $30 on the shared credit card) and FaceTime family to sing happy birthday to my Mom. After dinner, we rent a movie (Waitress from YouTube) for $4.99. I loved the musical and the movie was great too! After feeding the baby we head to bed at 10:45.
Sunday
4:00am- The baby wakes up desperate to feed. We are back to sleep by 5.
8:00am- My alarm goes off, and baby is still sleeping. I wake him up and he is hungry immediately. My mom comes over and takes the baby while I eat breakfast. We go for a walk and I get a much needed coffee (I have money loaded on my Starbucks app already).
11:00 am- We get home and my friend stops by to drop off some treats (vegan date squares- yum!) We chat for a bit then say goodbye as I have to feed the baby. While he feeds, I call another friend for a catch up. Baby goes down for another nap and we get some lunch organized.
1:00pm- My tailbone is killing me and I also have a worsening hemorrhoid. Since giving birth I have been less active and consequently less regular. In desperation I run to the pharmacy for Preparation-H, Natural Calm (a laxative), and a bag of chips (just because). The total is $57 on the joint credit card. There was a bonus points day, so I actually get $15 worth of free product on my next purchase. While the baby sleeps, I also get a short nap.
6:00pm- The rest of the day is uneventful. We eat dinner and watch the basketball game. Our last feed is at 10:15pm, then we settle down to sleep.
Totals
Food+Drink: $108.06
Fun+Entertainment: $10.64
Home+Health: $147
Clothes+Beauty: $0
Baby: $68
Reflection
I’m sure this MD wasn’t the most exciting read, but I thought it would be interesting to document going from a pretty comfortable DINK lifestyle to having a baby and being on leave for a year taking in a lot less monthly. A few things stood out to me when reading this back. First, the amount of money a baby costs. I am quite sure that in the coming months things will even out, but the last month has been very expensive despite having been accumulating baby items for several months (new and used). My various therapies for my tailbone issue have also added some costs. Also, breastfeeding is NOT free. It wasn’t as evident this week, but holy heck, I’ve spent a lot of money on various nipple creams and devices to make breastfeeding bearable. Even though we have had quite a few baby expenses, I think that avoiding shopping on Amazon has been good for budgeting purchases. I’ve had less impulse purchases when I actually have to go and get something. Since I try to get in and out of stores, there’s less browsing too. I really have been trying my hardest to support local and not Amazon when I can.
Our food costs this month has been lower too since so many people have generously been dropping off food for us. Not only has it saved us money, but also so much time and stress. I am so grateful for the gift of food!
Another thing that really stuck out this week was how challenged I was feeling by my relationship with my husband. The changes to your relationship post-baby is one thing I did not adequately prepare myself for when I was pregnant. It is really, really hard and sad. I am constantly mourning our old lives. It might not come across this way in the MD, but truly my husband is an amazing man, and he’s really stepped it up since I wrote this. We are still figuring things out, but I am optimistic. I did see my therapist since writing this and she was helpful at helping me decompress, so I hope to keep seeing her regularly.
Otherwise, I think it will take a few more months to be sure that I am confident in our finances. We are taking an 18 month maternity/paternity leave (my husband will get about 6 months after me), so we still have quite a bit of time to live on a lower income. We are figuring that we will probably start planning to build a house by the end of next year, so stay tuned and maybe I’ll post an update and how that changes things for us!
submitted by 5midge to MoneyDiariesACTIVE [link] [comments]


2020.08.29 00:12 Talesoffantasy A Discovery At The Club - Part 1 [Fiction] [FM] [Bi] [Coerced]

[FMM] i messed up the title part sorry 😘
This is a fictional story, about a chance encounter, its a nice burner, and heats up throughout. I hope you enjoy it, with it being my first story i would really appreciate some feedback. Thank you, Enjoy.
I had seen her before, at the bar, ordering a drink, flirting with the bar tender, she looked beautiful under the orange and yellow lighting of the club, even with the dishevelled look she was sporting. Her hair was blonde with streaks of her dark roots showing through, her make up, I could tell, at the beginning of the night had been perfect, but since then had been retouched, her lips were vibrant red and her eyes dark with eyeliner, it was hard to tell how tall she actually was, but in the heels she was wearing she matched my height of 5ft 10, her short black dress clinged tightly to her hips and peachy ass, flowing up towards her perky tits, her nipples poking through to betray any secret of her not wearing a bra. She was a beauty, but she gave off a vibe of danger, unpredictability.
"You got a problem fucker?" The voice was feminine and sultry, but powerful!
Oh shit I thought as my heart skipped a beat, she had caught me staring, who knows for how long! We had been standing in the queues for the toilet for what felt like an eternity.
"N, no problem, what do you mean?" I stuttered back, trying my best to feign ignorance about what she was asking
"Really? N, no problem huh?" She mocked "Then how come your staring at me like a creep, undressing me with your eyes, you perv!" It wasn’t a question, she was making a statement, she knew I was looking her up and down, and she wanted me to know that she knew.
"Listen, I’m sorry, I’ve been standing here waiting for so long, my mind must have wandered" I tried to wriggle free of the embarrassment and potentially volatile situation.
"No, no I’m pretty certain you were staring right at me, checking me out" she danced with her hips a little as she smirked "Its ok, I’m used to it, I dress to impress, listen this queue is taking too long and I’m gunna pee myself before I get in there, I know a better option, follow me" and with that her eyes glinted and her hand grabbed my wrist and pulled me across the dancefloor "I used to date the owner, there’s another toilet in here" she said as she pushed through what looked like the wall but was actually a door of the same colour.
The door flew open and bathed us both in a white light. I was in a state of shock, 'who is this woman, where is she taking me and why am I just blindly following her' I thought. The music was muffled and the vibrant energy of the club was replaced by a glimpse behind the scenes as we stepped into a hallway and the door closed behind us. The corridor was empty but for a few doors and some fire extinguishers, the air heavy with the smell of alcohol.
"Come on, quickly, YOU don't wanna get caught back here" she smirked as she spoke, her perfect teeth shining in the fluorescent light of the hallway outlined in deep red.
She pulled me towards a door, the handle creaked as the door flew open into a small, old looking bathroom, it smelled of pine and every surface looked pristine. The white tiles of the floor and walls gleamed.
snap snap her fingers clicked Without speaking she pointed me towards a porcelain urinal protruding from the wall, as she half stumbled into the grey cubicle next to it.
"So what’s your name anyway?" I asked while unzipping my jeans and pulling out my penis
"Zoe, not that its any of your business perv" she giggled as she said it, but it was a loaded giggle
"I wasn't perving, you're hard to miss, you catch the eye I guess" I tried to play it smooth, I mean, who knows, she chose to drag me here.
"Oh yeah? You flirting with me uhhh... what’s your name again?" She asked me, I could tell in her tone she was smirking
"Paul, and I’m not flirting" I sheepishly said embarrassed. I shook myself off and zipped up my jeans.
She said nothing back, I looked at the cubicle, there was no sound other than the clicking of a lighter that wouldn't ignite, "listen, I’m gunna head back, like you said, I don’t wanna be caught back here" I said, worried Zoe had made herself comfortable and not wanting to be caught.
"So you're just gunna perv on me, follow me to a secluded spot, flirt with me, and then leave?" She sounded disappointed, "and to think tonight coulda been your lucky night" she almost whispered, her words trailing off at the end
I almost couldn’t contain my excitement as I asked her what she had said
"Bye Paul!" She rasped back at me, the sweet scent of weed climbing over the cubicle wall and filling the bathroom
I hesitated, I wanted to say something back, to protest and tell her I was staying, but I had a bad feeling about this and I didn't want to be caught where I shouldn't be with someone I didn't know.
I turned and grabbed at the door handle, it wouldn't open, it just creaked as it turned. I looked for a lock, but there wasn't one, just the handle. I tried it again a couple more times.
"Shit" I half shouted in frustration and the thought I would be banned from my favourite club once they had to come and let us out.
"What’s wrong Pauly?" Zoes words floated through the air, so placid it was hard to tell if she even really cared what was happening.
"The fucking door is stuck, were going to get caught back here!" I was angry "you got me stuck in here"
"Now now Pauly, don't get mad at me, it was YOU checking me out, YOU following me and YOU that cant open the door" her voice still calm, powerful.
"You should come and try some of this, it might loosen you up a bit" she giggled, but the invite was real. "Come on, calm down"
I tried the door once more, again the handle creaked and again the door did not budge. I turned towards the cubicle, it suddenly looked ominous, dimly lit, the light gliding across all of the tiles, but the cubicle was grey wood, the light almost didn’t touch its surface and a little glow spread across the ceiling around it, from a small light inside.
I opened the door to the cubicle and there sat on the toilet was Zoe, she looked at me with a smirk as her painted nails took her joint to her matching lips. She took a long drag and then slowly took it away from her mouth.
"Here, take this" her voice was sultry but commanding, and smoke poured from her plump lips as she held the joint out towards me.
I took the joint from her finger tips and raised it to my lips until they met the lipstick stained roach. I inhaled a long deep drag, and only just managed to breathe the smoke back out without coughing.
It hit me immediately, I smoke weed regularly, the quality isn’t great where I live and so the feeling is mild, but this was good, really good.
I passed the joint back to Zoe, her dark eyes fixated on mine and her hint of a smile full of intent. Then she sat back and began smoking again, blowing clouds of white fog upwards towards the ceiling.
I looked down at her as I stood with my back to the cubicle door, I could see her better in this light, sitting still. She looked about the same age as me, mid 20's, her skin looked soft and tanned, her strapless dress clinged to her pert tits, her nipples fighting to break free, matching my growing erection.
"Seriously, again?" "You can't help yourself can you?" She snapped at me, half joking. "You like what you see right?" She said smiling at me, moving her free hand down over her chest, to the neckline of her dress.
She slowly pulled her dress down, her perky tits spilled out and her perfect nipples finally free. "Well, you like what you see, right?" She repeated
"Y, ye, yeah I like what I see, um, yeah" I stammered, overcome with nerves, as she moved her fingers to her mouth and then to her left nipple.
"Good, get down on your knees" Zoe looked up at me, while she played with her nipple and stubbed out the joint against the cubicle wall.
Nervously I did as she said, my pants fighting my erection. 'My lucky day' I thought as I lowered to the ground, so pleased with myself.
I was eye level with her now, closer, her skin looked smooth and perfect, she smiled at me and leaned in. I leaned forward slightly and met her juicy red lips with mine. It was amazing and hard to explain, the kiss with her felt powerful, and expert, her tongue explored my mouth delicately but with passion, it felt almost liberating.
She pulled away from me slowly, my bottom lip still between her teeth until she let go, with a smile.
At this point i noticed her red thong touch my arm as i knelt. She had one leg free of it, so it was hanging on her thigh, draped over the top of her black stocking, I was dying to just look down slightly, to look at Zoes naked pussy.
"You wanna taste me, perv?" She grinned again at me, her teeth and lipstick contrasting each other perfectly her eyes filled with deviance.
She leaned back more, her dress moving up as she did, revealing her pussy to me. I nearly died as I looked at her perfect mound, she was shaved smooth apart from about an inch long strip of hair the width of a pencil.
"I I uh I" i couldn’t speak, I was hypnotized by her beauty, by her question
Her thighs made a smack as they snapped closed.
She laughed, not aggressively, but as if she knew she was in total control of the situation and loved it. My heart sank.
"Not so fast Pauley, what do you think huh? You think I’m that easy perv?" The question was rhetorical, "oh I’m not that easy Pauley, if you want to taste my tight young pussy, you’ll have to prove your worthy, I’m very particular, I have to know you can take instructions" she spoke to me, but did not make eye contact.
I didn’t have time to process this information or speak back. "Get down there, and kiss my shoes" she commanded, still placid. And with that she crossed one leg over the other so her red high heeled foot hung above the ground.
I was so turned on by Zoe and the circumstances that lead to this moment that I didn't even question her, I leaned further down, my elbows touching the cold tiles. I moved towards her shoe and kissed it.
"A little peck, that’s all I deserve Pauley? Kiss my shoe, show me you want to taste my sweet pussy" she purred at me
I did not answer back, I went back in for a second try, this time I pressed my lips to the tip of the shoe, it felt cold, so was the bathroom, I sucked and licked the shiny red leather, making sure to pay Zoes stocking ankle and leg some attention with my hands.
"Mmm good boy" she moaned, her free hand now massaging her crotch. "Come, kiss your way up to your prize perv" she sniggered through her moans.
My heart was beating out of my chest as my erection grew harder in my boxers, I began kissing beyond her shoe, up onto her ankles, feeling the silky sheen of her stocking on my lips as she lifted her leg onto my shoulder, revealing her red finger tips dancing with her soaking pussy. I kept kissing towards her, the back of her knee, I was getting closer to tasting her sweet juices. I reached the top of her stocking and gave it a little bite, letting it snap back against her smooth thigh. My lips radiated excitement as I reached Zoes bare skin, the warmth of her thigh almost kissing me back.
BANG BANG BANG
"FUCK!" Zoe whisper shouted as she pushed me back and pulled her dress up to cover her amazing tits.
BANG BANG BANG
Everything was happening so fast I barely had time to process what was going on. Then it hit me. That banging is the door, the door we shouldn't be behind!
"Shit" I muttered, I was about to shout out and just admit defeat and hope they didn't ban me from the club, and hopefully get Zoe back to my place instead of this cold bathroom. Zoe grabbed me, looking directly into my eyes.
"Shhhh, you don’t wanna be caught here Pauley" she whispered.
Why does she keep saying I don’t want to be caught here and not we don’t want to be caught here I wondered, but I didn’t ask, I simply replied "ok"
"I know your fucking in there Jill! They called me because they saw you on camera" The voice sounded angry. "And who the fuck is that guy your bringing back here! Yeah I know you're in there too! Open the fucking door!" BANG The door rattled after the impact.
"What the fuck, who is Jill? Do you know this guy? What are we going to do?" I panicked in a whisper making sure that whoever was on the other side of that door couldn’t hear me.
Zoe stood up, taking her thong off the other leg and holding it in her hand, she pulled down her dress and it once again gripped at her body. Even with the fear running through my veins I was in awe of her.
She pushed me to one side and shimmied past and out of the cubicle. Her heels clicked on the tile floor as she walked into the bathroom and leaned against the sink. She didn't look scared, she looked almost irritated, like this was a minor annoyance. She looked over at me and smirked as she rolled her eyes, she stood up and clicked towards the door, my knees were weak, I was sweating and scared.
I waved my arms to catch her eye and mouthed "what the fuck are you doing?"
Zoe looked back at me over her shoulder, her smile radiating power and sex appeal. She mouthed back with her luscious red lips. "Don’t worry, I’ve got this" and turned back towards the door.
CREAK The handle moved, but the door did not budge.
Zoe turned back, she giggled and shrugged her shoulders.
"Open the door Jill stop fucking around" the anger had turned to frustration, whoever was on the other side of that door was not going to be happy once it opened.
"Who is it?!" She said in a high pitch voice, laughing while she did.
"You know damn well who it is Jill, open the door" the voice was not amused
"Who’s Jill" I mouthed at Zoe.
She looked at me in my eyes and pointed her finger up in the air, then with a bit of flair, pointed back at herself. Then she smiled and shrugged her delicate shoulders again.
"Its jammed you tight bastard, I told you ages ago the door was being funny" she clapped back at him
Then she walked back past me and over to the sink, where she half sat, pulled out another joint from her black purse, and began working her lighter until it finally lit up, she pulled her leg up onto the sink to further sit back on it, exposing her stockings and shaved pussy. Its as if she had forgotten I was there at all.
"Fucking hell! I told them to fix this shit, step fucking back!" And no sooner had he finished his sentence, the door made an almighty bang, and then another, the room felt like it shook as a third impact was made. The door handle was bending and buckling and with one final hit, the door to the bathroom flew open and the light from the hallway bathed the dimly lit space.
I was terrified, I didn't even wait to see who came through the door, I dived into the cubicle and locked the door, my heart pumping blood around my body faster than ever before.
I heard footsteps come into doorway, the light that flooded in from the corridor was largely gone and the room was dim again.
"What the fuck is this Jill, its been 2 weeks, no call, no text, and you turn up here, not home, not to me, to my fucking club, with whoever that PUSSY, hiding in the cubicle is!" He said sternly
"Calm down sweetie, I didn’t turn up here with anyone, I met him here, waiting in line for the toilet, because they, like everything else in here, are broken! I asked him if he wanted to use a different bathroom" she said defiantly "although, he is a bit of a perv" she purred, as if she could feel my fear.
"What does that mean Jill? A perv...who is he? And where have you been for 2 weeks, its not normal to leave your god damned husband for 2 weeks with no explanation, I know you do some borderline crazy shit Jill, but this is a bit much even for you!" He sounded angry, confused and disappointed
'A fucking husband' I thought, 'she didn’t tell me she was married, but then she didn’t tell me her real name' my mind raced, I thought about how I could get out of this, what would her husband do when I came out of the cubicle, this must be the club owner, the one she said she had been dating, 'I am in so much shit' I thought almost out loud.
"I told you Alex, calm down, we argued, I left, I travelled a little, spent some of your money, went to a few strip clubs" she was nonchalant in her explanation, the words dripping from her mouth. "Then I found little Pauly in there, and I brought him back here, to piss, and he tried to eat my pussy, didn’t you Pauly?" Her last words echoed around the room like a cave, or it might have just been in my mind I cant be sure.
I was still, silent, I don’t even know if I was breathing. 'What the fuck Zoe, Jill, whatever your fucking name is' I thought. I said nothing.
BANG the whole cubicle rattled, the door nearly breaking its lock. I put my feet up against it to try and stop any more attempts at a break in.
"Well, is that true asshole?" He half shouted through the door.
"Listen man, I had no idea she was married, she told me her name was Zoe, she seduced me man, I’m sorry, I just want to leave" my voice almost broke with panic
I heard a laugh fill the silence, Jill, formerly Zoe, was chuckling.
"Spoil sport" I heard her say as if her game had been ruined
"Let him loose Alex, all we did was kiss and I teased him a little" I heard her reason with her husband
"You kissed him... what else did you do, define teased Jill" he asked not seeming surprised at all
"I dunno baby, showed him my tits, and made him kiss my shoes" she giggled "and let him see my pussy" her voice trailed off
I heard them whispering to each other, they seemed to be arguing back and forth but not loud enough for me to hear what they were saying, I was sweating and feeling trapped in the cubicle, waiting for one of them to say something.
"Ok ok, Jesus Jill, i’ll let him go" I was so relieved that a stupid grin rose on my lips "But" there it was, the grin was gone "I’m going to have to do something, he kissed my wife, he saw her tits and pussy, he needs to be punished for that" he explained to her
"Ok Paul, I’m going to let you go, but you have to get naked, I want you fully naked, you saw my wife’s pussy and tits, you kissed her, its only fair she sees you, and I get to send you home naked and humiliated" Alex did not sound like he was joking.
Thoughts raced through my mind, I cant just walk out of here naked, I cant walk out into the streets naked, is the club still open? What the fuck am I going to do.
"Come on Pauley, he wont offer again, and you did try to fuck his wife" this time it was Jill who said her piece, which was rich coming from her since she is the one that instigated this whole situation.
'Fuck, I’m going to do it, I mean I could try to fight my way out, but Alex sounded so strong when he hit the cubicle and when he broke through the door, this is the only way I can leave in relative peace' I convinced myself, this was the only way, I stood up and took off my shirt, then my jeans and shoes and socks, I was now stood in my boxers, and I hoped this would be enough.
"Ok, I’m coming out" I said, embarrassment hanging on every word.
"Yay" I heard Jill say mockingly behind the door followed by 3 little claps
I reached up and unlocked the door, as it opened I noticed the door was shut and a single beam of light came in through the hole where the handle had broken off. I looked over to the sink where Jill was sitting, but now stood next to her was Alex. He was tall, 6ft 2 at least, well built but a bit of a pretty boy. He was tanned like Jill, clean shaven and dressed smart, he looked like a business owner and oozed power.
"Let me ask you something Paul" he groaned at me "do you know what the word naked means" his face completely straight
I attempted to speak, to explain and plead him to let me keep the boxers.
"No, no, you know the deal" he interrupted, “I let you go unharmed, after messing around with my wife, but, you go naked, and that, means naked" he paused "now"
The battle was lost and I knew it, I had one chance to get out of here and home, in that moment I made my decision. I reached down and pulled my boxers down, careful to keep all of my junk in my hand as I stood back up.
"Make him take his hand away baby" Jill pushed
"You heard her, move your hands!" He said calmly
I moved my hands away and with that I admitted defeat. There I was, stood naked, in a cold bathroom, my small cock even more shrivelled up than normal, its usually about 1 and a half inches soft, but it was probably less than an inch, and my balls were so tight they were almost inside me.
"Oh, my, god, you actually thought you were going to end this night, fucking me, with that!" Jill said in disbelief with a smirk on her face.
"Its cold" I tried to argue
"The cold has nothing to do with it, just like it has nothing to do with why you have such a feminine figure, you hid that well under your clothes Pauley" Jill grinned then took another drag on her Joint
She was right, my body did look feminine, for one I was naturally pretty much hairless on my body and the little bits I did get I would shave off, I’m usually quite athletic and lean, but when I do put on weight it all goes to my hips and ass, my ass was round and quite firm and my hips gave me a slight hourglass shape, that’s why I wore a baggy shirt and jeans to the club.
"Fuck dude, I cant believe you thought that my wife, my beautiful, albeit slightly mad wife, would see all of that, and still want to fuck you" he was to the point with his tone, "you must eat pussy like a god with that type of confidence" "change of plan, your going to stay here, and watch me fuck my wife, your going to watch me pound her pussy and cover her hot bouncing tits in my cum"
I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t really have a choice, Alex was between me and the door, and although I don't think he was surprised at his wife’s actions, he certainly had me by the balls and any argument would come back around to me trying to fuck his wife.
I started to concentrate on the positives, it would be just like live porn I guess. I would get to see this beautiful woman, naked and in the throws of wild passion, getting her tight pussy fucked and hear her moans of pleasure while she was filled with Alex' cock.
"Ok ok, but then I can go home" I asked wearily
"Maybe" Jill said under her breath with a giggle
"What you think I’m an asshole that would go back on my word you little bitch!" Alex said, sounding genuinely offended that I would question his integrity.
"In fact Paul, I’m even gunna let you have something outta this deal, you wanted to eat Jill’s pussy so much, I’m gunna let you, your gunna get that sweet little pussy ready for me to fuck, and you better do a good job little dick!" Alex looked over at his wife, who by now had one of her slender legs propped up on the sink and was slowly rubbing herself clearly turned on by all of this
"Well, you heard him Pauley, lets pick up where we were interrupted" Jill stood up, popped her firm tits out of her little dress and walked past me into the cubicle the click of her heels the only sound. The toilet seat cracked shut and she sat down.
submitted by Talesoffantasy to SissyTales [link] [comments]


2020.08.23 14:35 PipPippeling I am 44 years old make $115,000, live in Amsterdam and work as a policy maker

Not so short introduction:
Woman, 44, American Dutchie (Dutch mum, American dad), recently single again, living alone in Amsterdam.
Other than the mortgage for my apartment I do not have debts. Not even study loans (bless the Dutch education system and Erasmus program). I used to be a ballerina (started balletschool when I was 7, graduated from the Royal Academy and worked for the Dutch National Ballet until I retired at 31) I went back to university and graduated law school. I am specialized in human rights. Nowadays I work as a policy maker for the Dutch government.
I have an 3 bedroom apartment in the center of Amsterdam which I bought 20 years ago with help from my parents. (They cosigned my mortgage, but I’ve always paid the mortgage myself.) I used to rent 2 bedrooms out to cover my costs when I was dancing and in uni. Just before corona hit, I redid my entire apartment; double glazing, all the wires for gas, electricity, outlets, kitchen, bathroom, paintwork - everything, which I paid for with my savings ($60,000).
The remaining mortgage is around $296,450 and current worth of the apartment is $1,100,000 (I am not kidding Amsterdam house prices have gone insane). I know thanks to the refurbishing, I needed an estimate for my insurances from a real estate agent.
Pensions in the Netherlands are different from the US; first we get a government pension from a certrain age (which for me probably will be when I turn 70). It’s around minimum wage. Secondly, all employees and most employers will pay for our pension. You save that with a specialized pension fund. You can’t touch the money. When you turn the required age you get a monthly income. For me that would be about 2/3 of my current income.
I have only $2,900 in savings left due to refurbishing my apartment.
No creditcard debts, I pay my credit card bill every month.
Main Job Monthly Take Home: $4490
Here is the take down: $7,555 gross a month minus $626 pension contribution and $2,439 taxes.
I also receive a fully paid public transport card for anything work related. Also my work laptop and work iPhone are fully paid for. My gym membership is $71 a month but reimbursed by work. Best part of being a civil servant in the Netherlands 12 weeks of paid holidays a year. Well, before corona this used to be a perk...
Expenses
Mortgage $1,215
Home owners association fee $29.65
Water $21.34 (monthly, billed every 3 months)
Gas/electricity $86.56
Life insurance $9 (it used to be mandatory when buying a house, basically if a home owner dies the family doesn’t have to worry about the mortgage)
Health insurance $143.48 - this covers everything that is qualified care.
Other insurances (legal, home, travel) $23.72
Mobile phone $27.27 (yes, even with a fully paid for workphone I have a personal phone)
Cable/wifi/internet $80.63
Newspapers and magazines $30.24 (I have a paper, monthly fashion magazine and a magazine on running, plud NY times esubscription - full luxury)
Spotify $9.99
Apple iCloud storage $0.99
Netflix $10.99
City taxes $50.49
Environment and waste taxes $33.75
Vitamines $13.04 (monthly, receive twice a year)
Personal trainer $260
Massage once a month $100
Donation to the National Ballet & Opera $260
Donations to animal shelter $15
Donation to Amnesty International $25
Various donations to research $100
Monthly savings should be $1,200 but I haven’t done this since mid March.
I don’t have a driver’s license. I do everything by bicycle, walking or public transport.

Day 1 total spent $66.99
7.30 I took a week off and temperatures got really high this week which resulted in a week where I did totally nothing except going to parks and riverside.
I do some yoga to wake up, shower, put sunscreen on, a bikini and a sundress, grab my beach bag and a botte of water from the freezer and cycle to a park/beach like area. It’s really quite in the morning and after 20 minutes I am ready for another tropical day. I roll out my towels, have a protein chocolate shake for breakfast and eat some berries. After that: time to read. I am finishing ‘Rodham’ and it’s quite entertaining.
10.00 I reapply more sunscreen (am I the only one who is single and wondering how to apply sunscreen to my back?), stroll to a beachstand and get myself a cappuccino to go, I grab a lemon poppy muffin along ($4.55)
Back to my towel and I text some friends to see how they are coping with the heat.
Not well. My sister tells me my oldest niece refuses to leave the pool and has decided she will become a mermaid.
14.00 The park and beach are getting busier. I pack my bag and cycle back home.
One of the perks of an old apartment is very high ceilings and inside my apartment it is relatively cool. I make a leftover salad for lunch with some eggs.
17.00 I ordered groceries from a new company and they deliver. It’s from farmers markets and really fresh plus top quality and therefore a bit more expensive than what I would normally pay. On the brightside: I don’t have to go to supermarkets. Total costs of groceries that will last me at least a week and a half: $62.44
Amsterdam is one of the two cities in the Netherlands were face masks are mandatory in some busy shopping streets. I do not know who made the map for Amsterdam, but it feels really random and also, the supervisory sucks. My solution: not going to the shops (for now at least)
I’d ordered fruit popsicles and can’t resist them. Pear flavor and they are good (yes, plural, I ate two)
19.30 I call my mum (you will read this a lot) and she is really not doing well with the heat. Most Dutch homes don’t have airconditioning. She has, in her bedroom, but doesn’t want to use it all the time, which I find ridiculous and I make her go to her bedroom and just sit in the coolness.
I don’t want to cook dinner so eat some carrots, cucumber, tomatoes, cashew nuts and drink a lot of Coke Zero with ice and lemon.
21.00 I do some more yoga. As a former ballerina everyone assumes I like yoga. I do not. However, it is something I can do everywhere and anytime and I feel better after I do it. I should make this my mantra: I feel better afterwards. I really do.
I’ve been quite depressed after my relation ended and corona quarantine hit so with this week I started to reintroduce structure to my day. Well, I tried...
21.30 One of my friends has just started online dating and I am a bit annoyed with her; she doesn’t let one of us know when she spends the night with a man (ahh the dating life) Turns out I am not the only one fuming at her and she promises to do better. I am also a bit jealous of her; I just can’t get used to the idea to date in the current situation.
22.45 I move to my bedroom, turn the fan on and watch Netflix (and eat chocolate) until I fall a sleep which is already the next morning.
Day 2 total spent $31.48
7.30 It is Saturday and I wake up at 7.30. Why? I am terrible waking up on weekdays but the weekend, no problem usually. So strange. I get up and see that the forecast is really heavy showers and cooler temperatures later. I put on some running shorts and grab my headphones and go for a quick run.
Turns out the rain was just waiting for me to be halfway. I get back home as quickly as I can, but I am fully, totally soaked.
Saturdays are my selfcare days, so the rest of the morning I am busy in my beautiful bathroom. I wash my hair (Olaplex - takes forever, but very worth it), do a mani and pedi, scrub, put a mask on, the whole shabang.
13.00 Yes, I hadn’t eaten anything or had coffee. That is never a good idea. I quickly make a iced coffee (just black coffee with ice cubes, shoot me) and make pancakes with a lot of syrup.
14.30 I FaceTime my best friend. She is in lock down at her home, ‘cause her sister has corona and she saw her sister. She is also living alone and finds the lock down at home extremely hard, especially with the tropical temperatures.
18.00 This happens a lot. It suddenly is late. How did that happen? I bake some sourdough bread and have that with butter and salt.
Order a pink glitter bomb confetti card for my friend, yes, I am that sort of friend. $4.15
19.30 I am rearranging my furniture. My spare bedroom has become my home office and that means I have to find another place for all my workout gear. Spinning bike moves to my bedroom and weights to my dressing room. Order some boxes from Ikea so I can store more stuff under the stairs. Luckily, Ikea homedelivers ($27.33)
22.30 Feeling restless, so I put on a podcast. I listen to one about grief and that wasn’t my best idea... End up crying, feeling anxious and tired, but not so tired I can sleep.
Put on Netflix, grab a bag of popcorn (whoever thought of peanutbutter popcorn is a genius), and end up rewatching Lucifer. At least it entertains me till the next morning
Day 3 total spent $345.00
7.00 I wake to my phone buzzing and it’s one of my friends who wants to FaceTime. I look like shit, so instead call her back. I suspect my friends made a schedule to make sure I don’t go downhill any further. My fiancé broke up with me mid March and has since moved in with another woman and I have so many questions and basically am just angry. Not good. I love my friends for looking after me , but not at 7 in the morning.
9.00 Finally get out of bed and do laundry and clean my house. But first coffee. I am nearly out of beans and order them from my favorite shop ($57.40) I love cleaning. My mum and I used to joke that we should start a cleaning company together.
12.00 Make brunch with poached eggs, bacon, toasted sourdough and a fruit salad.
Clean the kitchen afterwards.
Sort all my trash and nearly fall down the stairs while taking down the trash.
15.00 Order flowers for my great grandaunt who trip over a stone and broke her shoulder. She’s 94 and as though as one can be ($27.60 - flowers are so much cheaper here than anywhere else; this is for a big bouquet and includes delivery)
18.30 I call my mum and afterwards my sister. Her husband is an actor and she is a pilates instructor. Both receive corona benefits and are happy that that will see them through for now. I transfer some money to my sis to give her some wiggle room ($260)
Day 4 total spent $8.65
6.45 My alarm goes off and here starts the game ‘I do not want to get out of bed, how many times can I snooze?’ Unfortunately, today it is 8h30 when I finally get out of bed. I stretch and do some yoga before making coffee and a big bowl of porridge with honey and raspberries.
Yes, I did not shower. I know. I do brush my teeth and wash my face.
I put my hair in a bun and put on a sports bra, leggings and a top and trainers. My standard stay at home outfit since mid March.
Check in on my team who are not happy that we are still working from home. We all are fully aware it is necessary, but we are so ready to go back to the office. Plans are that as of September we are allowed back once a week (spoiler: later this week the government decided that this was not gonna happen)
12.30 I make lunch: a huge bowl of fresh pasta with homemade tomato sauce and meatballs and call a colleague who is about to start his holidays. He’s going to his parents’ house in France, thankfully by car so he can easily come back if France goes in lockdown again. Freeze the rest of the pasta.
16.00 Snack time: I go out a buy cookies and Coke zero ($8.65) at the shop that is also my post office and pick up some parcels. The shop has big squares on the floor to keep distance. I joke to the shopowner he should get a dice and make it into a game and he enjoys that idea.
19.00 I call it a day and call my mum. As said, we call every day since my father passed away a couple of years ago. She is in good spirits thanks to the rain and I am so happy to hear that.
19.30 Dinner is grilled tuna with tomatoes, freshly baked bread and green beans.
Texting friends while making dinner and nearly killing my phone when I smash crash it through the kitchen.
20.30 Tuna is not a smart choice for dinner when you do a spinning session. I take it easy while watching Ricky Gervais’ Humanity on Netflix (I do not know whether or not I like it). I’ve bought a spinning bike to workout from home when the gyms closed. Gyms have reopened but I am still hesitant to go back to the spinning studio ‘cause it is in a room without windows.
22.30 I should go to bed. However, welcome to my head and my spiraling thoughts. After an hour I take a shower and listen to Spotify playlist piano music. It doesn’t work and I end up watching Netflix (Eurovison, it is strange and after that Crazy Delicious) again till the wee hours of the morning.
Day 5 total spent $1.15
6.45 Nope, ain’t gonna happen. I get up at 7.30, take a shower and put on exercise clothes. Eat a banana and grab a towel, bottle of water and cycle to meet my trainer. On Tuesdays and Fridays I work out with a personal trainer. We work out at one of the parks nearby unless it’s too hot like it was Friday.
8.30 Back home, shower, get dressed in yoga top and leggings. Picked up a freshly baked croissant ($1.15) Make my usual coffee and enjoy breakfast on my balcony.
Tuesdays are really busy at work, full day of Webex and Zoom meetings. Suddenly it’s 13h and I quickly make porridge, this time with apricot jam.
My secretary texts me that the minister would like to do an IRL meet in the Hague, would I mind to come to the office on Thursday? I do and don’t - I really need to see other people, but I have to use public transport to get to the Hague and I haven’t done that yet. Mask are mandatory in public transport.
Fun fact: although Amsterdam is the capital of the Netherlands, parliament and all the ministries are based in the Hague.
19.00 Quick call to my mum. I attempt to make a stir fry of broccoli, asparagus and green beans with chicken and brown rice but it’s not a huge success.
While eating I call a friend who lives in Maastricht. We chat for 4 hours straight and I feel calm and happy afterwards.
23.30 Brush teeth, do skincare routine (the Ordinary serum - it is bright red and I look like I am wounded) and meditate.
Day 6 total spent $213.76
6.45 Ugh. Yes, I know. Snooze. Get up at 7.55 and am ridiculously proud of myself.
Shower, athleisure wear, breakfast: I make scrambled eggs with toast and butter and my daily dose of caffeine.
8.30 Another endless day of meetings. There was an article in my newspaper that online meetings drain energy much faster than IRL meetings and I fully, wholeheartedly agree.
10.00 Computer says no. Our system just went down. My WhatsApp explodes with complaints. We can access our mail on the phone but no documents are available. I use this as an excuses to do some online clothes shopping for autumn. Sales are on and I need some pants. End up buying black wool pants from my favorite brand and somehow also buy more athleisure wear. More black compression leggings ‘cause well, shut up. Total $213.76
12.30 Early lunch, systems are still down. I make French toast with cinnamon sugar. Really happy with the result and proudly text my mum who is not impressed (somehow I did not inherit my mums cooking gene) I do my laundry in my new laundry room - people, I never knew this a thing, it is, while making some calls and make a to-do list for the rest of the week. System is still down.
16.00 I have a Zoom call with my psychologist. The pandemic and the end of my relation were two triggers that made me fairly depressed and I’ve spent months on my couch or in bed just doing nothing. I feel very lonely at the moment, even with chatting to family and friends. I am not lonely, I feel that way.
17.30 It was a heavy session and I feel worn out. I put on my trainers and go for a stroll. It is strange to walk around in a nearly deserted city. Although tourists are slowly coming back, the numbers are much lower. Unfortunately I do feel like it are all the drinking, drugs doing, screaming tourists.
Yes, you can do drugs in the Netherlands. No, most of us have never done drugs.
19.00 I call my mum and we discuss whether she should come to visit this weekend. I say no, mum doesn’t say anything which basically means she will come to see me whether I agree or not. I make another attempt at a stir fry, this time with noodles, shrimps, cilantro, zucchini and bell peppers. Meh.
20.00 On the news the government announces that contaminations are rising again and that we have to keep working from home until further notice. Although totally expected and understandable it hits me hard and I cry than eat chocolate.
21.00 My phone explodes with everyone’s opinions and views what to do now. I text my team to tell them that we will have to work from home until further notice and that I know it is hard. I strongly urge them not to go back to the office unless it is really necessary.
I text my boss about tomorrow’s appointment with the minister. It’s still on.
23.00 Bedtime. I’ve had Headspace in the past and wonder if I should try that again.
Day 7 total spent $287.98
6.45 I snooze. My therapist says I shouldn’t do it and just set a later alarm. He’s right. Get out of bed at 7 and do some meditation exercises and yoga.
Get fully dressed with a suit and heels. Pack my office bag and add hand sanitizer, face masks in plastic bags and wet wipes.
8.00 On the train to The Hague. It is eery to see how quiet the train is. Everyone is wearing a face mask. I like how some have done their best to do something extraordinary: I see a girl with a glitter mask and a man with a spiderman one. This used to be the busiest train: Amsterdam is its start and even than I often had to stand. Not today.
9.00 Arrive at the office and feel quit emotional. Walk to my favorite coffee place and it is deserted. I order a cappuccino to go with a croissant and chat with the barrista ($7.68)
The office is deserted. I log in and take a selfie to send to my team. Somehow I work better at the office. I prepare the meeting with the minister and it goes well.
Even there we keep distance and the security staff checks in several times.
11.30 Have a coffee appointment with my director. She pays for the coffee. We walk & talk, a lot is about non work topics. After this, I order a salad with bread to go and a green juice for lunch ($17.60)
14.30 I really need new running shoes but am hesitant to go to a store. Ask my physiotherapist for advice and he says to reorder the same ones I already have online. Find my Mizunos and order ($137.59)
16.00 I need something sweet and I need caffeine. Quick dash to our cafeteria and grab a Twix and a bottle of Coke Zero ($7.68). Chat with my secretary through Webex and ask her if she has everything she needs at home.
19.00 It almost feels like a normal workday until I walk to the train. Put mask on and again it is so quiet. I call mum and send her a trainselfie. Start a new book: the latest of Deborah Harkness. I really liked the first 3 books, this one I am on the fence about. Cycle to home from the station and arrive at home at 20.30, make dinner with leftover veggies and some mince meat from the freezer.
21.30 I get an e-mail from my favorite beauty website that the have a sale. I shouldn’t. I have too much stuff. Yeah, I order anyway: Olaplex no. 3 in a big bottle and more stuff form the Ordinary and the Inkey List ($117.43)
23.30 Bedtime! I listen to some piano music and try to go to sleep.
Reflections
My spending was normal for what I do since quarantine started. I treat myself to too much stuff I find I need and want.
It was really insightful to see this and it left me wondering why I do it. Gonna curb my spending and back to a budget ‘cause I do not feel comfortable with so little money in my savings.
Sorry for all the complaining in the diary and thanks for reading!
submitted by PipPippeling to MoneyDiariesACTIVE [link] [comments]


2020.08.23 07:39 Mysterious-Mango-415 My older step-brother wanted to do sexual things with me

Sorry this is long 😓 older stepbrother(19) me(18)F
To put into context, I’m considered the good child in my family. Not because of pressure or trying to impress my parents or anything, I just like doing good because it’s the right thing to do. Of course, my brother and step-siblings think otherwise. Most of them hate me for it. I have done some bad stuff but never got caught for it, and never really wanted to do them in the first place. My siblings always think that in order to have a good time, you have to do drugs and get drunk, so they would ask me to join them and would make me feel bad if I tried saying no. Granted, I do enjoy drinking, but not to get passed-out drunk. After years of trying to avoid the things I hated most, I finally started caving. I started to ask my siblings to bring me stuff. When I was 17 last year, I went to a church camp with my older stepsister. There was a guy there that I liked for years and he has constantly led me on. In a tent while everyone was singing some country songs or something, I gave him head and a handy. I didn’t really enjoy it because he just wasn’t the guy for me. Luckily, he went to college and I haven’t seen him since. I came back home and told one of my younger step siblings because it was something crazy, I guess. We have this silent trust between us. He told me stuff and I told him stuff. However, my older stepbrother was in the bathroom and heard me. He came out and he had this look in his eyes. I didn’t know what it was then but I know it now: lust. About a month goes by and I have a new boyfriend and things were going ok between him and I. Anyways, one night, I was making ramen around midnight because food, and my older stepbrother comes home late. I was in a hoodie, some shorts and no bra cause I’m getting ready for bed, but I’m hungry for noodles. He gives me this look again and then asks me about how I’m doing with my boyfriend. “Things are good. He’s nice and stuff” “That’s good...” he seems a bit disappointed awkward silence “How’s Tracy(not real name of his girlfriend)?” I ask. “She’s good, do you want to go out for a drive?” I agreed and I tell him I’m going to put better clothes on. It was kind of cold outside. We head out and he starts asking me these weird questions. ‘You do anything with him yet?’ ‘Have you had sex yet?’ ‘Are you actually bi?’ ‘Would you do a threesome?’ I can’t remember all of them but they were very personal questions. I should say, he’s very manipulative and gets angry easily. I wasn’t scared yet but the questions made me start to wonder where his mind was. He’s supposed to be my sibling so of course I didn’t think he wanted me like that. We arrive at Whataburger and I order some fries and a drink. I get a strange text from an unknown number saying that he could see me and he knows where I live. I freak out a bit. The number starts asking me if I think the guy I’m with is cute and if I like him, and I just respond over and over saying he’s my stepbrother. It ended up being my stepbrother with that number messing with me, but really, I’m tired at this point. All logic is gone when I’m tired. Even after all that, I still don’t get the hint that he’s hitting on me. Why would I? I grew up with this crazy guy. Later, he drives us on this dark road and we stop at this dead end. “This is a great place to have sex... it’s dark, quiet, and no one ever comes up here...” he’s says, with a smirk. “That’s neat. Have you taken Tracy here before?” I ask oblivious to any danger. He kind of looks frustrated but he says yeah. He tells me,”hey, I have a body I need to bury.” “Cool.” He gets out and opens up the trunk. I get out and follow him. He starts laughing as I look inside. No body. We both laugh and we get back in the car to start driving home. He starts telling me how great I am and how smart I am. I’m too tired to care for his manipulative tricks. One of his tricks is to shower a person with praise so you’ll believe his lies. He then asks me something shocking: if I would be willing to mess around with him? I get immediately nervous. I feel like a deer in the headlights. I tell him I don’t think that’s a good thing to do and he says ok. We don’t talk for the rest of the ride. We get home and I say thank you for the drive and that I had fun. We both go to our rooms and I sit on my big panda bear stuffy and just scroll through Instagram before officially sleeping. I get a text from him. I have all the texts saved from our conversation that night that I know I could use against him. But he has mine too. He asks me about that day I told my younger sibling about the guy from church camp. He told me he heard almost everything and wanted to know if it was true. I wish I just said no but at this point, denying it would’ve been pointless since he heard it clearly. He asked me about my sexuality again and looking back it at now, I knew he was trying to get dirt on me too. At this point, it was 2 in the morning and I was too tired to think. He continued saying how hot it was and how I was a dirty girl. Looking back on the texts, it scares me. I only look to remember what happened so I can type it out here. He kept saying throughout the night that he was in the friend zone. No honey, you’re a brother. That’s as far as you get. He keeps making excuses to why it should be ok to mess around, saying we’re blood related. I told him it’s not morally ok. If I could put pictures of the texts on here, I would, so if there’s a way to, let me know! Anyways, he finally drops the subject and we both say goodnight. I think it’s all over. I’m a bit traumatized and I rush over to my boyfriend at the time the next morning and he helps me calm down a bit. A few days later I drive over to my dad’s midday to do some chores, and my older stepbrother walks in with a drink in a water bottle. He asks me to try it. At this point, I’m terrified of this man. No one else is home but us. He’s strong, does hefty yard work, and could easily take me down if he wanted to. I ask what it is and he says it’s a drink he made. I say ok and I take a swig. It tastes like weird water. He looks at me and says take another. I do and I tell him that I need to take care of my animals and that I have a meeting with my parents at my school. He looks scared and says ok and walks to his room quickly. The whole time I took care of my animals, I felt fine. Getting in my car, I felt fine. Halfway to the school I start to feel odd. A bit dizzy. I drive a bit faster and head over to my boyfriends house safely. I step out of the car and fall to the ground. I get up with trembly legs and wobble to the front door and head inside. My boyfriend asks if I’m drunk and I tell him that I don’t know. I hate being drunk and if what my stepbrother gave me was alcohol, I didn’t drink a lot. I panic! I needed to see my parents in like, 15 minutes. My boyfriend ended up driving me to the school and at the point, I’m definitely not good. I’m half carried inside and other students in the hallway see me. I don’t remember much of this but my boyfriend at the time said I was pretty good at pretending to be sober. My mom and stepdad thought I was being my silly self. I’m weird constantly so they thought I was just being extra silly because it’s a theater meeting. But really, why would they suspect anything? I never do anything wrong in their eyes so they would never suspect me of being drunk. My boyfriend at the time and I leave without my parents suspecting, but all my theater friends could tell I was off because I was walking like a person going across a tight rope. We go to his house and I pass out on his bed. I wake up and I’m better. I get pain meds and I go to my moms for the night to avoid my stepbrother. School starts and some of my friends in theater ask me if I was ok that day. I tell them what happened and what my stepbrother wants to do. There’s a guy in the group that likes me a lot and he turns pale. He looks like he’s going to either murder someone or puke. He takes my shoulder gently and looks me right in the eye and tells me to call the cops, tell my parents, tell an adult! I tell him that I can’t! He’ll out my sexuality! Though I don’t care about them knowing about the drinking, but my parents will definitely freak out if they found out I was bi. He tells me that I must do it for my safety. I tell him I will... but I never did. I’m too scared to do it. I only told him I would because I know him well. He would literally die of anxiety from knowing that my older stepbrother was out and about checking me out in that way. About a month later, my boyfriend at the time starts to get abusive, and halfway through the third month of us together in October, I break up with him. When a guy is not for me, I get over them easily. In this case, he was abusive. After all the drama with him, I get a new boyfriend about a week later. He’s actually the guy who told me to tell someone about my stepbrother’s behavior. We’ve been going on almost 10 months now. Anyways, I keep it quiet from my family that I have a new boyfriend because it’s fairly new, and I didn’t know where it was going. I told them eventually and they love him. Of course, my older stepbrother, takes it as an opportunity to try and ask me to hang out with him again. This time, in his room. I’m scared to say no but I tell him that I will if my younger brother, Brad(fake name) will be there. He’s my only real, blood brother. He agrees but of course, Brad keeps leaving to play with my younger stepbrother. Every time he leaves, older stepbrother would get this lustful look in his eyes. I only drank a cup of wine and told him that I had to go. He kept telling me to wait and that it was still early. I told him I’ll stay up later next time when I didn’t need to get up so early. Fast forward to 2020. Every night when I’m at my dad’s, he would ask me to go to his room late at night. It started getting to the point where I was scared to leave my room when I was at my dad’s. I stayed with my mom for a bit and my dad starts to get jealous and angry that my chores aren’t being done. My animals were starting to be affected from lack of affection from me. I felt terrible from that. My boyfriend had to come with me so I felt safe because I was too scared to be alone in a barn. I was scared my stepbrother would come in and do whatever he wanted to me. My stepbrother noticed me avoiding him. He backed off for about 2 months. I thought he finally got the hint that I wanted nothing to do with him sexually. Life ain’t a porno! I’m not attractive enough to be in a porno anyways. HoWeVeR, he texted me saying that we haven’t talked in a while and that if I just wanted to chat and drink with him. My other two siblings were up so I thought it would be safe. It had been months since he had tried hitting on me so I thought he just wanted to make amends. I want to have have a good relationship with my siblings, but I see now that I may have to cut a few out for my own safety, mentally and physically. I get to his room and my brother Brad is in the floor high and drunk and my older stepbrother is on the bed with a cup of his homemade wine. I sit on the ground with Brad and older stepbrother pours a cup for me and hands me a dab pen. I hate smoking cause it hurts my lungs too much. I don’t really have anything against it, it just hurts when I use it. I take a quick hit to try and avoid getting high and my brothers aren’t impressed. Brad takes it and tells me to do it like this. I take it and do the same thing as last time. After being shown how to do so many times, I get frustrated and take the biggest hit of my life, and regretted it. I start feeling it pretty fast and my head feels heavy. Older stepbrother is pleased but I don’t care. I drink a bit more and the alcohol starts setting in. I feel sick. The combination of the two just wasn’t for me. I have trouble standing and I notice older stepbrother trying to inch his way closer to me. Brad leaves the room because my younger stepbrother is blowing up balloons and setting off firecrackers outside (my dad lives in the country). I realize I’m alone with the person I fear more than my abusive ex. He looks at me with such lustful eyes as I lay helpless on the floor. I have trouble thinking of how to get out of this situation. He starts asking me about sexual stuff I’ve done with my new boyfriend. I tell him some vague stuff. Brad keeps coming in and out of the room, which frustrates older stepbrother, but eventually, my older stepbrother locks him out. Older stepbrother just wanted to be alone with me. Many of you might be wondering why I keep accepting his offers... he’s very manipulative and persuasive. I only realize it’s a bad idea days later. He keeps telling me one thing and I want to try and see the good in him. He’s had a rough childhood and I took pity on him. Of course, I realize now, he has no morals. He’s told me this too when he came home drunk. He inches closer and I feel so sick. “I forgot to tell you something interesting about me...” I say trying not to sound desperate,”When I get drunk, I remember everything when I sober up. So anything that happens tonight, I’ll remember.” He looks at me trying to see if I’m lying. I do remember most events when I’m drunk. The scary stuff usually. He looks as if he’s troubled. Conflicted even. Like he can’t decide what to do. I start to think that I’m done for and he finally says,” just go to bed. You look tired” He stumbles to his bed looking away from me and I, myself, stumble out. As soon as I’m out of sight of his room. I walk as if I’m not on anything. I still feel super sick and I have a splitting headache, but I took theater for a reason. I use the restroom and head to bed. The next morning, my older stepbrother looks like regrets something. I don’t care though. After that, I finally get the hint that he will always like me in that way. I avoid sleeping at my dad’s house for almost a month. Only going over with my boyfriend to take care of my animals. My older stepbrother then gets the hint that I’m not interested and stops texting me late at night. I’ve told my stepsisters, Brad, and my closest friends about this. I know I should tell my parents about it but the thing is, my older stepbrother is a broken person. Getting kicked out of the house won’t change him. He’ll be the same guy. He hasn’t tried doing anything to me in over 4-5 months. He still looks at me with lustful eyes and he’s probably told his girlfriend that I hit on him, but I don’t care. I want to tell her but she’s smitten over him and she’s the only person that will probably change him for the better. My older stepbrother is dangerous and at one point has tried to shoot my parents, threatened to kill me, and has been arrested. When he moves out, he’ll be out of my life. I want him to get better. He’s had such an unfair start at life, but at this point, his traumas don’t condone his behavior. I’m hoping he changes Also, if he does try anything, both my dad and my stepdad would work together to beat him. That’s probably the only reason my older stepbrother hasn’t tried forcing me to do anything. I know my mistakes in this situation. I messed up a lot of things during these past few months. I was stupid. I could’ve done a lot of things differently. But when you live with someone who’s so good at manipulating, it’s hard to see the danger you could be in. I just thank God I haven’t been forced to do anything with that man. Thank you for allowing me to get this off my chest and I’m sorry for the mistakes I made in these situations. I just hope he doesn’t ever see this and try to hurt me afterwards. I just have a lot of fear towards him. I’m scared to post this. Do you think that I’ll ever be able to tell my parents the truth without them getting hurt by him? Or without my sexuality being outed? I mean I am dating a guy right now but it’s still a scary thought.
Once again, if there’s a way to post pictures, I’ll put pics of the texts. Just let me know if there’s a way, and I’ll do it.
submitted by Mysterious-Mango-415 to offmychest [link] [comments]


2020.08.22 04:15 Murky-Wish My (26F) Liposuction + Fat Transfer Journey

This will be long and mostly irrelevant information lol but if it helps even one person, I want it out there.
I’m 5’5 and right before surgery I was around 195lbs. I haven’t weighed myself since, so I can’t speak to physical weight loss just yet. I don’t know my measurements then and don’t know them now (sorry), but I wore size 14 jeans, a 38B, and L/XL in just about everything else.
THE BEFORE
I want to start by saying that the time between I made the decision to have the surgery to the actual surgery date was only about 2 weeks. I had thought about getting plastic surgery here and there as a lifelong “chubby friend”, but never seriously considered it until a family friend (who is a plastic surgeon) suggested I do it, said he had some time, and that was that. I should also say that really isn’t unlike me. Baby steps were never my forte, I tend to just jump in the deep end and hope for the best, and it’s one of the (many) reasons that I was really never able to lose weight/get in shape/whatever. I’m impatient and do everything full throttle. I weigh myself at least 4 times a day, I’ve hated my body as long as I can remember and I’ve done Keto, Paleo, the Bead Diet (where I basically didn’t eat for 6 weeks), low-carb, I was in the gym for 2 hours/6 days and when I didn’t see substantial change in the scale or the mirror after a few months, I would give up, go back to binge eating, rinse, repeat. But anyway, in those 2 weeks I tried to google as much as humanly possible about prep, recovery, what it would feel like, potential risks, etc., but as you can imagine, I was still wildly unprepared for a lot of it - particularly the emotional side of it. I don’t personally know anyone that’s ever had anything done, and am too shy to just cold message people. I also couldn’t find very many posts that were my age or of similar body shape to relate to, which is why I vowed to make sure I post my experience for the next person. So let’s get to it.
THE PLAN VS THE RESULT
The plan was to get liposuction to my abdomen, rib cage area, lower and upper back, with a fat transfer to correct my hip dips. If all went well, he would do my inner thighs and arms, too, but no promises since it was already going to be a lot on my body. In total, he removed about 4 liters of fat. Because it was so much, he warned I may have some loose skin, but I’m fairly young and my stretch marks aren’t very deep so it may tighten back up. At my 2 week follow-up appointment, he said my skin had already tightened far more than he had ever anticipated, so that’s exciting (more on this later). It was explained to me that I bled a lot during the procedure and my arms and thighs had to stay. The thighs I’m not really too upset about (I never really had an issue with them), but I do wish he had gotten to the arms as I’m afraid I’m going to look really top-heavy when I fully heal since I have broad shoulders too, but time will tell on that. He also noted that when I was laying on the operating table, my butt had a lot of depressions in it so he added fat there too so the fat transfer would look more natural altogether (again, I’m not mad at it lol). He also told me that having the procedure often inspires people to be more consistent with their diet/exercise since they’re basically at their goal figure, refining the few areas that he may not have been able to fully correct (like my arms) is usually a cake walk since you’d want to maintain the new figure anyway. I do see some merit in this because I for one am very excited to wear leggings with and a sports bra and show off my new flat belly and fantastic ass in the gym, post-COVID of course.
THE SURGERY & IMMEDIATE AFTER
I arrived to the clinic at about 6:30, was in my room by 7, and being wheeled off to operating room by about 7:45. I was the first surgery scheduled that day so, in keeping with everything else, there wasn’t a ton of time for second thoughts. In fact, by the time I actually started panicking about getting surgery, I was sitting on an operating table getting anesthesia injected into my hand and was out within the minute. I VERY briefly remember waking up in what I assume was the recovery room with a few other post-op women, dry heaving into a nurse’s hand that had run over to me, and promptly falling back asleep. Next thing I know, I was waking up back in my room telling my mom that my eye was swollen and it was about 11:30.
At some point, I wrote the following in my Notes App. It’s not fully cohesive but I won’t edit it and give post-op me the full freedom to tell her tale:
“Pain wise, it hurts but not has bad as i thought it was, but that may be due to the drugs. It feels like if i did 100 crunches and then rammed my hip into the side of the bed, hard. My left side hurts more than my right side, like literally no pain on my right which really confused me at first and my left eye is swollen and everything so i thought i had a stroke but my dr has assured me it’s totally normal. My torso is completely numb, I touched my tits and it was a complete out of body experience, feels like I’m touching someone else’s.
I’m thirsty as shit, I haven’t been allowed to have water since 8PM last night and since waking up I’ve been dry heaving and thrown up once which I’ve been told is from the anesthesia wearing off and I can’t have any liquids until I get it out and the fact that I can’t really sit up (per the doctor, i would love to sit up) is making me more nauseous so I’m in this cruel cycle.
The faja is giving the biggest fucking wedgie. The nurse came and pulled it out for me from the bottom (🥴) but it’s made the top so much worse now I’m convinced it’s tearing me a new asscrack but i felt bad making her get into it so I guess this is my life now.
4 hours post op, they gave me food but I immediately threw it up. So I settled for water and it gave me the hiccups which hurt like shit bc of the ab muscles that requires. There’s really no winning out here. I am dying to get up and walk around but they say I can’t just yet but My ass if very sore and I’d love nothing more than to stretch muscles out but here I lay, stationary and bored.”
I do remember really really wanting to sit/stand up, though I don’t remember exactly why I was in such a rush. I think I thought if I stretched it would hurt less but that joke was on me. I slept in 2-3 hour increments the whole 24 hours I was in the clinic but it was mostly just staring at the wall while I listened to Friends play off my phone and waited for the next dose of painkillers because my hips/flanks were on fucking FIRE.
This is where the emotional stuff comes in. It’s going to sound so unbelievably corny, but I kept singing Sierra Burgess is a Loser’s “Sunflower” over and over again in my head when I was laying there, and up to now, the song still plays in my head when I’m in pain or someone says something condescending about my having had surgery. If you‘re unfamiliar with it, there’s a part of the song that that goes:
But I'm a sunflower, a little funny If I were a rose, maybe you'd want me If I could, I'd change overnight I'd turn into something you'd like But I'm a sunflower, a little funny If I were a rose, maybe you'd pick me
And I remember thinking that I was laying there in so much pain and so miserable just because I didn’t look like the “pretty girls”, or ever let myself just be happy with my body and I had it keep me from literally EVERYTHING. I rarely go out because I hate being the biggest person in the group. I never learned to dance because I was afraid of being made fun of. I’m 26 and have yet to be in a serious relationship because I never ever saw myself worthy. I had always lived on the notion that no matter how much I liked someone, there was someone better, something thinner, that would look better in pictures out there for them. Now am I saying that losing weight would’ve fixed all my issues? God no, of course not. But I was laying in that bed, miserable, having undergone a painful surgery, spent a ton of money, worried the hell out of my mom, all for the chance of just LOOKING better and not actually being better because I let my looks run my life. Because for some reason, I was born big. I’m the tallest and widest woman in my family. I eat hidden because there’s always someone commenting on when, what, and how much I eat. And it all drove me to that hospital bed. I cried a lot that night, and in the days after, sometimes for no reason. I later learned that it is very common to get very depressed the week after undergoing anesthesia. I was discharged at around 10AM the next day.
THE RECOVERY
At the time of writing this, I’m only 16 days post-op so I can’t speak to my full recovery yet, only to what I’ve experienced so far. It sucks lol. The first few days I tried to walk as much possible (despite the doctor telling me to lay tf down) because I read that you recover faster the more you move and I just wanted it to be over. I had quite a few dizzy spells that prevented me from doing too much, whether it was from the medication, the fact that I refused to eat more than 2 bites of anything, or both I don’t know, but the room would (and occasionally still does) spin often. I built a pillow fort around me because I couldn’t lay flat on my back or else I couldn’t breathe, but being slightly elevated meant putting pressure on my lower back, so it was basically pick your poison and all generally very uncomfortable those first few days.
I started getting the lymphatic massages the day after I was discharged. The clinic I used has a team of masseuses that come to your house to do them, which I loved because I couldn’t fathom going back out. Now about the massages, they HURT. You feel 583892% better after even just the first one, without a doubt, but during I constantly have to fight back tears - even up to now with 2 weeks of daily massages later. I find it helpful to disassociate as much as you can. TV, podcast, daydream, whatever you can do to not focus on the person pressing deep into your poor tender and bruised areas over and over again - do it. Trust me. But they help SO much, I highly recommend starting them as soon as possible. I just had my last massage yesterday after having had 12 total (recommended is 8-10 consecutive, the more the better obviously) and I’m definitely sad to be done with them. I may get more later, but they add up in cost and I think the majority of the inflammation left is only going to go away with time.
The only hiccup in my recovery came about 4 days post-op at my first follow up appointment. Up to then, I had been in the surgical compression garment, which (despite feeling incredibly tight and stiff in the moment) is actually quite soft and more flexible than the stage 2 compression garment (faja) and has the standard 4 rows of hooks. The pattern we had set was that after each massage except the first one, I went down a hook to tighten more. At the time of the appointment, I had had 3 massages, was only on the second hook and still QUITE swollen. The masseuse had told me that general practice was that once you reached the fourth and final hook of the surgical faja, you moved to the stage 2 faja to really tighten things up. I also have a very long torso in proportion to my body so the faja did not reach up to my breasts like it was supposed to, leaving a weird strip of inflammation in the area that was left uncompressed. At the appointment, the doctor told me she wanted me to move onto the stage 2 faja because I was very swollen and she wanted more compression and it was slightly longer so it would hopefully fix the length situation, too. So she put it on. I cannot express how fucking uncomfortable and miserable and horrible that was. It did not fit by any means, we were all out of breath trying to get it on me, I was stiff as a board and it was digging into the sides of my crotch. It was also still not tall enough for me so not only did it not cover the strip, but it was digging into my shoulders and I was hunched over quite a bit. She assured me it would loosen up as I wore it. She also recommended I buy an abdominal and back board, so I did that same day. Let me tell you: it did not loosen up. I couldn’t breathe, everything hurt, and at that point I had mastered getting up off the bed by myself and could no longer do that so it felt like all the work I had done the past few days were for nothing. I didn’t sleep at all and cried that entire night from the misery. When the masseuse came the next morning, I BEGGED her to please let me go back to the surgical faja because I believed wholeheartedly that I was not ready for the stage 2 one, which she agreed to - but only until we reached the final hook of the surgical faja, which would be in 2 days and I’d have to wear the boards. I had absolutely no problem with that if it would get me out of that godforsaken stage 2 faja. When the day came to put it back on and retire my trusty ol’ surgical one, it fit SO much more comfortably and I haven’t cried since. Moral of the story: LISTEN TO YOUR BODY. If it’s not ready, it’s not ready and it’s okay to go a step back. I’ll get there when I get there.
THE PRESENT
I’m on the last hook of my stage 2 faja using the boards, along with sanitary pads, towels, socks, and literally whatever else I can stuff in there to make it tighter. I’m also looking at new fajas that have a bra attachment, which I’m hoping will alleviate the height issue. As for the comfort of it, Its actually more comfortable to have the faja on than not. Whenever I take it off to shower, it feels like everything going to fall apart and I definitely don’t love that feeling. I’m currently working on learning to get it on by myself. I’m going home soon (I’ve been staying with my mom while I recover) so I definitely have to master it. I can mostly do it, but it’s exhausting, I take constant breaks, and it’s not as well put as the masseuse puts it (obviously) so it needs a lot of adjusting once it’s hooked that my mom usually has to come help with.
As for how my body looks...it’s weird. Looking in the mirror is a very out of body experience. It’s all very bruised and discolored and its still pretty swollen so the proportions are a little weird, and I’ve started to develop hard lumps in a few places (that my doctor has assured me will go away with time...hopefully) but I can see the shape starting to come together. That hourglass figure is definitely there, small waist, rounded hips, round ass, all things that I love and have wanted literally my entire adult life, but I haven’t accepted that they’re actually mine yet. I see it on my person, I touch it and it’s mine, but it doesn’t look like me. It’s not a body I recognize. Do I regret getting the surgery? As of now, absolutely not. I tried on a very unforgiving bodycon dress the other day that I hated on me before and was FLOORED with how good it looked. I took pictures and sent it to everyone that knew about my procedure (I haven’t told a lot of people, most of my family doesn’t even know. I’m not ready for the whole song and dance of “wow look at you/why would you do that you didn’t need it/you took the easy way out/insert backhanded comment here”) but it looks GOOD and I’m so so so excited to see how it keeps healing and being able to call this new body my own.
I’m happy to answer any questions about my experience and will update this as I see fit. As for pictures, I’m going to refrain from posting the before/after yet, because it’s still really fresh. The after isn’t quite done after-ing. That “before” person is still very much me and I’m not terribly comfortable publicly calling that body “bad” in place of a new one that I don’t have/haven’t accepted yet when I spent my entire life shielding it from that very thing. At the 3 month mark (technically when most of the healing will have happened) my doctor said he will provide me the official before and after pics and I’ll be happy to share those when the time comes.
I’m sorry this is so long but I hope it helps give some insight to anyone that wanted it!
submitted by Murky-Wish to PlasticSurgery [link] [comments]


2020.08.21 23:06 Quirky-Motor EXTENSIVE two-part write up. The murder of Laci Peterson- is there really reasonable doubt? The end of the prosecution case and defense's case. Part 2 of 2. Please read part 1 first for the prosecution case and background.

Other info used by the prosecution
What Laci was wearing when she went missing is somewhat of a mystery. Laci was found in tan maternity capris and a maternity bra. Her sister Amy, the last person who saw Laci conclusively, said she was wearing tan maternity capris, a floral blouse, and dress shoes when she saw Laci on the evening of the 23rd. Those clothes were found in the home during the search warrant. The blouse was in the hamper and the pants were in the hanging in the closet. Laci was found in very similar pants to the ones she was wearing on the 23rd, she may have had two pairs of the same pants. She was not found in a white shirt or black pants like Scott and neighbors claimed she as wearing. This was the outfit on Laci’s missing poster.
Scott refused to get Laci’s dental records for Modesto PD for weeks. He made excuses such as he didn’t know the address or couldn’t remember which dentist she went to. When police got the records, it showed that Scott and Laci went to the same dentist.
Scott never inventoried Laci’s things. When he discovered she was missing he never looked to see if she took her purse, cell phone, or coat with her on her walk.
At the home an open bottle of ranch dressing was on the counter on the night of the 24th. When asked Scott said he didn’t like ranch dressing and that it was for Laci’s pizza, which they ate the night before.
The Rochas wanted to retrieve some of Laci’s things such as mementos and Laci’s diary from the Peterson home, but Scott would not comply. Scott replied by getting a security system and Lee said the Rochas could not have these things because they were “Scott’s property.” Scott called the security company for his house and made sure the company knew “no Rochas” was his policy. Sharon later broke into the house to get these things- no charges were filed against the Rochas.
Scott tried to sell he and Laci’s home only three weeks after Laci went missing. He asked realtors to keep the story out of the press and wanted the house sold as is, completely furnished, with everything in it. Despite this he still would not give the Rochas Laci’s things such as her wedding dress, diary, or décor from the home.
There has been much debate over whether or not Scott wanted to have a baby or not and his behavior shows both a doting father and a bachelor playboy, depending on who you ask. At one-point Scott was talking to Anne Marie Rocha, Brent’s wife when he told her that he “was hoping for infertility” in the middle of Laci’s struggle to get pregnant. She thought it was a weird joke. On a home video of a holiday, Scott has to hold a baby for a few minutes and says “well this isn’t very fun” Laci says, “this is the only time you’ll see him do that (hold a baby)” and laughs. Scott told Amber Frey that he was so adamant about not having a child he wanted to get a vasectomy. Adversely, others have mentioned that Scott did want a baby. He painted Conner’s nursery and when Laci was trying to conceive, he got a Viagra prescription to make sure they would be able to have sex when she was ovulating.
In January 2003, Sharon Rocha called Scott to inform him that in a Jan. search of the bay searchers did not find Laci, only an anchor. Scott seems to whistle in relief. The conversation was so unsettling it was played for the jury.
Throughout the investigation Scott never participated in any public events for his wife. He refused to talk at vigils, on the news, or even get his photograph taken by local reporter Ted Rowlands. This was surprising to Rowlands as most missing people get very little press and when they do loved ones typically jump at the opportunity to spread the word about their missing relatives. Eventually, Scott contacted Gloria Gomez and gave a total of four interviews. In these interviews Scott said things like "I loved Laci" past tense and other statements which made him look bad to the public.
In January det. Grogan asked Scott again if he had had any affairs. Scott said no and Grogan produced a picture of Scott and Amber. Scott peered at the photo for a while and then responded, “Is that supposed to be me?”
In early January, when Laci had been missing for three weeks, Scott called dish network and added the Playboy channel to his subscription. Four days later he canceled the channel and instead added the TENXtsy channel, a hardcore porn channel instead which cost I believe an extra $12.99 monthly. This was for the TV in the living room. He canceled the channel on February 18th 2003, the day a search warrant was to be executed in his home. He told the dish network he was cancelling because he was moving abroad. One documentary claims that the police bought the subscription to frame Scott. Like many other tidbits in this story alone it doesn’t mean much but it shows how Scott was behaving as if his wife was not coming home.
Before his arrest Scott was staying with his half-sister Anne Bird in San Diego. While there Scott’s came on to Anne’s babysitter and made her mixed drinks, he called flirtinis. Jackie Peterson also said to the babysitter “I hope Scott can meet a nice girl like you.” The behavior of both Scott and Jackie was so outrageous and inappropriate the babysitter never came back.
Scott had two debit cards. One was linked to a PayPal account that Laci did not know about. He used this account to buy things for his various girlfriends.
Scott bought Ayiana, Amber’s daughter a pop-up book for Christmas. This book was purchased for Conner by Scott’s sister and given to Laci at Conner’s baby shower.
There were some rumors in this case that Laci had previously also had an affair with a man who worked at her gym. These rumors were unable to be verified by either the prosecution or the defense and no evidence to support this theory was ever found.
When patrol officers first entered the house, they noticed the defense attorney ad was open in the phone book on the kitchen counter. Later tests showed that the phone book naturally opened to several different ads because of how the pages were designed. This ad was one of those pages.
On Dec. 25th Lee Peterson made sure that Scott had an attorney, and was no longer speaking to anyone within the police department. This made some think that Lee was suspicious of his son from the beginning. Others have said that Lee was simply being proactive.
By February police told Laci’s family that they had cleared all of Laci’s family members… with the exclusion of Scott.
Chris Pixley and Richard Cole are two journalists who are always interviewed in documentaries about the case. Both men stayed with the Petersons and were planning on helping the Petersons write a book about the case after Scott was exonerated. Both men attended the trial on family passes.>
Laci’s family supported Scott for the first few weeks of the investigation.
After the testimony of over 100 prosecution witnesses, the Defense’s presented this case
Laci was alive and well on the morning of the 24th when Scott left for work and she met with foul play outside her home that morning. There were a variety of theories pushed forward.
  1. One was that Laci was accosted when she confronted the men robbing the Medina house across the street at approximately 11:40 am on Christmas eve. This is corroborated by a witness, Diane Jackson, who saw a van in the area at that time.
  2. Another was she was attacked in the park by either a sex offender or because of her nice jewelry.
  3. The third was that Laci was abducted by a family in a brown van who used her for some type of Satanic ritual.
Mark Geragos, Scott’s million-dollar celebrity attorney said in his opening statement that he would produce witnesses who saw Laci walking that morning, witnesses who saw Scott’s empty boat, and a witness who saw a pregnant woman being pushed into a van (a man named Tom Harshman), but none of these witnesses were produced at trial.
Timeline and theories
Early on in the case the defense scored major points by showing the jury that it was likely Laci was alive on Christmas eve, which was contrary to the prosecution who tried to show that Laci died on the evening of the 23rd. The defense showed this by demonstrating that Scott watched Martha Stewart that morning, and because Scott described Laci wearing clothes witnesses saw her in that day, white shirt and black pants. They also pointed to the fact that the dog was found with a leash on and that Laci’s curling iron was out on the counter. The computer evidence such as the online shopping on the computer that morning added to this theory. Geragos also told the jury that the prosecution could not answer how Laci was murdered, when she murdered, or where she was murdered with any detail at all. All of these things made the prosecution look like bumbling idiots and the jury was impressed.
Geragos also showed that Modesto PD had not interviewed all area sex offenders in an effort to show reasonable doubt. Brocchini explained that he did not interview all sex offenders because some were so elderly, but the damage was done. In another prosecution guffaw, it was revealed that not all witnesses who saw Laci that morning were formally interviewed by the police. Modesto PD claimed that it was impossible to interview every person, but that mistake was another piece in the puzzle that showed that perhaps, the police had tunnel vision in this case.
Geragos also tried to display that the men who robbed the Medina house were good suspects. The Medinas who lived on Covena Ave. left their home at 10:32 am on Christmas eve and did not return until the afternoon of the 26th when they discovered they had been robbed. Assuming that the robbery happened on the 24th and not the 25th or 26th like the robbers later claimed, it is believed the burglary happened at about 11:40 am, after the Medinas left for the Christmas holiday. This time is corroborated by a neighbor named Diane Jackson who saw three “dark skinned but not African American” men behind a van in front of the Medinas’ home at this time. Police put out a reward for information and got a break within days.
Steven Todd and Donald Pearce were arrested for the robbery on January 2nd 2003 after trying to sell some valuables from the Medina’s home. When apprehended the first words out of Steven Todd’s mouth was “I didn’t have anything to do with the pregnant girl.” The defense has always reasoned that the police should have pursued this exclamation, but they didn’t. Both men pleaded guilty to the robbery but claimed it happened Christmas day or early on the 26th, not on the 24th. Modesto PD asserted that they cleared these men as they believed the robbery happened later, after Laci was already missing. The defense and Scott’s family believe the burglary took place on the 24th and the criminals lied about the date to distance themselves from Laci’s disappearance.
This theory was somewhat strengthened by the statement of Russell Graybill, the Petersons’ mailman. Graybill testified that when he delivered a package to the Peterson’s home between 10:35 and 10:50 am. McKenzie did not bark at him. Graybill testified at trial that McKenzie normally barked at him but he didn’t bark on Christmas eve. This was shown to “prove” that Laci was walking him at that time.
Scott supporters have touted two other pieces of evidence to prove this theory. The first piece of the evidence in this story involved the fact that in January a woman who knew the burglars pawned a Croton watch similar to the one Laci had and was presumably wearing. The problem with the watch “evidence” lies in the pawn ticket. The pawned watch is not listed as having diamonds embedded into it like Laci’s did, casting doubt onto this idea that the watch was Laci’s. The second piece of evidence is much more compelling. From scottpetersonappeal.org,
“Yet another concerning tip came from a Lt. Aponte who worked in a California prison. He called Modesto Police to report a monitored phone conversation that one of their inmates had with his brother, who lived in Modesto. The brother told the inmate that Laci had confronted the burglars who were robbing the house directly across the street from where she lived. That house was, in fact, robbed the day Laci went missing. This conversation was recorded by the prison. Not only has the Modesto Police Department never handed over any follow up on the tip from Lt. Aponte, the tape has been lost.” This is a thought-provoking piece of evidence, but I am not sure it proves anything conclusively. ​
The problems with the “Laci confronted the burglars” theory are numerous. The timeline would go something like this. Laci leashes up McKenzie who gets out and wanders in the street until found by Karen Servas at 10:18 am. Servas puts McKenzie away and then later Laci walks McKenzie through the park where she is seen by witnesses. Laci returns home, puts McKenzie away (but keeps the leash on) and takes off her shoes. She either changes clothes or later the robbers re-dress her. Then shoeless, Laci at 8 months pregnant waddles across the street and confronts either 2 or 3 male burglars without even her dog for protection. (PS the men are breaking into the home in the middle of the day). The men kill her, rob the house, change Laci into a new outfit, only a maternity bra and tan capris, and dump her in the ocean ninety miles away EXACTLY where Scott Peterson was fishing. It is also important to note that the defense did not call any witnesses who could bolster this theory except Graybill.
Another possible theory floated by Scott supporters and the defense was the idea that Laci was kidnapped while in the park. One witness, Diana Campos, who worked at a hospital that abuts the park (only three blocks from the Peterson house) remembers seeing a pregnant woman walking a Golden Retriever in the park at 10:30 am on Christmas eve. The woman was struggling to control the dog, who was barking incessantly. A man in a beanie apparently yelled at the woman “Shut that f*cking dog up!”
The problem with this theory is that both the Modesto PD and Scott’s attorneys interviewed this woman and chose to NOT call her to testify at trial. I believe if the lead was credible, the woman would have testified for the defense. Another issue is the timeline and the details of the sighting. For this sighting to work we have to ignore Karen Servas’ testimony. If this woman in the park was Laci, she must have gotten McKenzie from the yard after McKenzie escaped then walked to the park where she encountered someone who wanted to harm her. This person then would have had to return Laci’s shoes to the house, re dressed her, put McKenzie in the backyard and then dump her body in the ocean ninety miles away EXACTLY where Scott Peterson was fishing.
A third possibility was mostly pushed by Matt Dalton, an attorney who worked on Scott’s case but was fired before trial. Geragos kicked Dalton off the case because Dalton was obsessed with the idea that a satanic cult kidnapped Laci and another woman, Evelyn Hernandez. I think Geragos did not want this to be mentioned at trial and focused on other angles, but this still needs to be discussed. As mentioned above a woman was raped in Modesto in the week before Laci’s disappearance. The victim called a crisis line and reported that she had been raped by a group of people in a brown van and that the assault was part of a Satanic ritual. The abductors then told the woman that they were going to commit a Christmas murder that she would “read about in the papers.” The police found the people and van in question and processed the brown van for evidence, surprisingly no evidence of any crime was found in the van. When the police were done with the vehicle, Geragos bought the van, but he never found anything or used the van at trial- leading spectators to believe that the van held no evidentiary value.
Other proof for this theory is mostly found in Dalton’s book about the case. Matt Dalton first dreamed up this theory when went to a bar in Modesto one night where he interviewed some young locals about the goings on in Modesto. After seeing some people in skull t-shirts playing Dungeons and Dragons, Dalton asked about cult activity. The people told him that Modesto had Satanists, including a weird family who lived in a brown van. Dalton then learned that Dec. 24th is a holy day in the Satanic calendar and thus he extrapolated that Satanists did sacrifices on this day. He also discovered that May 1st, the day Evelyn was last seen was also a Satanic holiday. He soon became obsessed with this idea that Laci was abducted for a ritualistic purpose. Once Laci’s body was found Matt Dalton walked along the beach where he found some weird paintings on rocks and determined this was where rituals were taking place. (The paintings ended up being a strange art installation by a group called The Bulb.) He also found a police report that someone had reported finding a bucket of organs on the beach, but this has never been independently verified. Dalton surmised that these were Laci’s organs as she was found mostly skeletonized and had very few organs left.
Dalton is famous for connecting Laci’s case to the case of Evelyn Hernandez. This piece of evidence is talked about online extensively and is used to show that pregnant women were going missing and being found headless in San Francisco bay. While it is a strange coincidence, what documentaries and Pro Scott pundits never tell you is that Evelyn’s case has a prime suspect and it is not a serial killer or a Satanist family, it is Evelyn’s boyfriend, Herman Aguilera. This man is presumed to have killed Evelyn when she was only one week from giving birth, on May 1st 2002. As friends and family later discovered Evelyn was Herman’s “other woman.” Evelyn did not know her boyfriend was married. According to Aguilera’s family Herman did not want to deal with a pregnant mistress or want another child. Evelyn was last seen at a gas station frequented by Herman. Tragically, Evelyn’s son Alexis age 5, and her full-term baby boy, Fernando disappeared with her and have never been found.
The problem with this satanic angle is that it is far-fetched and does not explain most of the evidence. If Laci was abducted, where? Was she walking down the street in the mid-morning when some Satan worshippers happened to drive by and abduct her, put the dog in the yard, put her shoes in the house, changed her clothes and then dumped her body in ocean just where Scott Peterson was fishing? And what about Evelyn? Were these same people driving by as she and her son went to a gas station near Aguilera’s home in the middle of the afternoon? As I said this theory doesn’t hold water, but it important to explore.
Rush to judgement
Another thing focused on heavily by the defense was the idea that the Modesto PD “rushed to judgement” and wanted to nail Scott from the beginning. The defense asserted that this began with officer Evers saying that home was “suspicious” at 6 pm to his superior. Geragos and team asserted that this was improper and created tunnel vision in the department.
The Modesto police has always held that they simply followed the evidence and focused on the most likely suspect, Scott. After all it was not just Evers who thought the scene was suspicious. It was Evers, Spurlock, other patrol officers, Brocchini, Laci’s friends, Amy Rocha, Sergeant Duerfeldt, neighbor Karen Servas and others. If the Modesto PD wanted to frame someone, as sad as it is, they could have framed the Medina burglars and no one would have batted an eye. But they didn’t.
Other evidence used by the defense
Laci sightings
Approximately 12 people called the MPD to report seeing a woman who matched Laci’s description walking a dog on the morning of the 24th within one mile of the Peterson home. The prosecution called four women to the stand who were dog walkers who lived in the vicinity of the Peterson home at the time of the disappearance to account for some of these sightings. Most people saw Laci or someone who resembled her in black leggings and a white top, the same outfit she was in on her missing posters. However, when she was found she was wearing tan maternity capri pants and a maternity bra only. According to the Petersons, nine of these witnesses were never interviewed by a detective. What they don’t tell you is that a patrol officer and the DA’s investigators did some of the interviews. Nevertheless, not all people who called in with witness sightings were interviewed which helped the defense. Let’s look at these witnesses who we know about.
The people interviewed in the documentary The Murder of Laci Peterson were apparent “witnesses” who were never interviewed by the police and were not called at trial. Why? Because when Geragos interviewed them he found them to be unreliable, confused, or just wrong. Homer Maldonado claimed to have seen Laci walking the dog three times…during times she was proven to be elsewhere. Maldonado also refused to be interview by police. Because of this he was not called. Vivian Mitchell was another witness who claimed she saw Laci walking the dog on Dec. 24th. She then specified she knew exactly the time because she saw Laci during the football game on TV, but there were no football games on TV on the 24th. Vivian was also 80 years old and her husband was 84. Her husband Bill told police he did not remember ever seeing Laci. Mike Chiavetta remembered seeing a woman walking a Golden Retriever in La Loma park on the most likely 24th but said that it was a bright sunny day and the park was filled with people. It was misty and overcast on the 24th although the 23rd was bright and sunny. Scott supporters will have you believe that Laci was abducted right after the Chiavetta sighting even though Chiavetta claims the park was filled with people that day. Also, Chiavetta never reported he saw Laci, he saw a woman in a white shirt walking a Golden Retriever. When asked if she was pregnant, he said “I don’t know.” Tom Harshman is the man who saw a pregnant woman pushed into a van on the 24th of December, however police documentation says this was not reported until the 28th. In between 2 and 4 pm, he saw a woman in a red shirt and black pants urinating against a fence. There was a man standing over her and she looked scared. Then he saw a hand reach out of a van and pull the woman into the van. The tip was not investigated by the Modesto police department because they circumstance, location, and clothing did not fit. Either way Geragos interviewed many of the witness and didn’t call any of them. He said specifically he would call Harshman, but he didn’t.
Conner’s live birth and condition of the bodies
One thing that is brought up often by the defense is information brought forth by their expert that Conner was alive for one week following Laci’s disappearance. The defense believed Conner was born alive and died at a different date, or that Laci and Conner were alive after Laci was abducted. They also like to talk about twine, or tape that was wrapped around Conner’s body. Laci’s body also had trace amounts of caffeine present even though Laci gave up caffeine during her pregnancy.
Laci and Conner were found in the same area but separately on different days. Laci was badly decomposed; barnacles were on her bones and most of her organs except parts of her uterus were gone. There was a large hole in her womb from decomposition. Conner was somewhat decomposed but he was fully intact. The medical examiner thought this was because he was protected inside of Laci until her uterus decomposed expelling him into the bay. The medical examiner could find no cause of death for Laci and ruled that Conner died due to his mother’s death at approximately 33 weeks gestation. Conner seemed to be inside of Laci until shortly before he was found. The medical examiner explained to the jury that Conner most likely floated out of his mother’s abdomen due to gasses building up in her body. Additionally, his umbilical cord was torn, not cut or clamped and he had no injuries of any kind. He was not even bruised. Further, Laci’s cervix was closed indicating she had not given birth recently. The ME also explained that there was 28 cm worth of tape around Conner’s torso, head, and shoulders. It is not a nice neat bow but rather a tangled length of tape or twine. To me it actually looks like the remains of a plastic shopping bag.
The defense has always argued that this twine was wrapped around his body on purpose by someone, although they cannot explain the function of the twine. Picture here- http://pwc-sii.com/Research/connetwine.htm. (PS this is from a website called Scott is Innocent just fair warning). They also cannot explain how Conner died as he was not even bruised. On cross examination the ME admitted that it was “possible” Conner was born alive. He also admitted it was possible he had lived longer than his mother. He could not conclusively rule out those things even though they were improbable. The defense saw this as a win and brought in their own expert to testify.
Dr. March, the defense expert is not a medical examiner or a forensic pathologist; he is fertility doctor who helps couples get pregnant. Using the same methods as the ME, which involves using ultrasound pictures and measuring the baby’s femur, Dr. March determined that Conner was 33 weeks gestation, BUT he also decided that when Laci went missing, she was only 32 weeks pregnant meaning she had survived a whole week after her disappearance. How did Dr. March know this? Dr. March pushed Laci’s conception date forward six days because “women always talk about these things.” Dr. March heard that Laci attended a baby shower for a friend on June 8th and did not tell her friends that she was pregnant. Because of this he surmised that Laci must have learned about her pregnancy on June 9th meaning her conception date was the last week of May. This was the evidence used to prove Conner was alive until the end of December.
Not surprisingly March was destroyed on cross examination. He admitted he did not know about decomposition or autopsies and was not an expert in those fields. He also admitted he really had no way to know when Laci got pregnant and he was just guessing from her behavior when she got pregnant. At one point he even said during cross “Cut me some slack!” when they were grilling him. By the end of his examination he was saying “I’m sorry” and “I really don’t know” To most questions. He was not a good witness and his blunders were some of the biggest in the trial.
Concrete
The defense always held that the missing concrete in Scott’s warehouse was used to repair the driveway and not used to make anchors for Laci’s body. The prosecution brought a petrographer to the stand who testified that the cement was not the same in the driveway as it was in the anchors- they had different chemical compositions. The defense also brought an expert to the stand who testified that the concrete samples weren’t the same…but they were very similar to one another. Gebler the defense expert testified that the driveway sample could have been different because it picked up debris already on the driveway.
Boat evidence
The final evidence that is brought up by the defense was an experiment conducted by Geragos’ investigators. They bought a boat similar to Scott’s and filmed someone trying to throw a 100 lbs. object off the boat. The experiment was meant to show that the boat was too small and throwing a person off the side would capsize a boat. At trial an expert fisherman testified that in order to throw a body off a boat that size you had to do it from the back of the boat, not the side. Nevertheless, Geragos wanted his video to be admitted at trial, but it was not.
The critical thing to note here is that this video was never meant to be admitted into evidence, it was a media stunt. Geragos sent this video to the media and then placed a similar boat two blocks from the court house and invited people to see how small it was. According to a book written by the jury after the trial, Geragos did this stunt to try to distract, confuse, or accidentally bias the jury in hopes of getting a mistrial. It did not work and the trial went on. The boat also backfired on Geragos as it became a shrine to Laci and baby Conner. Here’s the defense’s video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x03H94jjDGQ.
Amber was the aggressor
One thing that Scott’s apologists will often bring up is the fact that Scott wasn't really in love with Frey and that Amber was the “aggressor” in that relationship. Some people, like Matt Dalton have said things like “Scott wouldn’t leave Laci for Amber. Laci was way more attractive!” (yes, he really made that claim). They try to show that Amber aggressively pursued Scott even when he was trying to distance himself from her. They believe that Scott’s lies to Amber such as “I will be in Maine for Christmas” were his attempts to ditch her. They also make a fuss because on Dec. 26th Amber called Scott several times on the same day which proves that she was obsessed with him. Whether or not this is the case it doesn't really matter because Scott is a grown man who could have broken it off with Amber or even ghosted her at any point but he didn't. He chose to call Amber after Laci was missing, he continued to speak to Amber, and he continued seeing Amber in person. Further, he kept lying to her hoping she would not find out about his missing pregnant wife.
Whether Amber was Scott’s soul mate, a one-night stand, or a girl he took out to lunch a few times an affair is an affair. Scott did not have to be completely and utterly in love was Amber in order for that to be a motive for him to kill his wife. In my completely amateur opinion, Scott wasn't in love with Amber at all. Scott was in love with being a player who could do whatever he wanted and wife and child was getting in the way of that lifestyle.
Scott’s history of non-violence
One interesting thing that the defense uncovered was Scott’s history of non-violence. Going through school records the defense was able to show that Scott had absolutely no history of violence. Not even a school yard fist fight. Most spouse killers have a history of domestic violence, but Scott did not. In fact, most people remember Scott as being passive in his marriage, not angry or violent.
Scott would not plead down
In “Presumed Guilty” Dalton explains that he questioned Scott extensively and asked him if something happened, such as an accident or a domestic violence situation that lead to Laci’s death. Dalton thought that if this was the case Scott could plead to a lesser charge. Scott was adamant this was not the case and insisted he had nothing to do with Laci’s demise. Scott insisted on pleading not guilty.
Brocchini’s bad testimony
One thing that aided the defense in the trial was the testimony of Al Brocchini. Brocchini made several mistakes on the stand and the defense showed that four specific parts of Brocchini’s testimony were lies. Brocchini lied about one witness who he said he contacted. He also lied (or was confused) about the times certain tips came in to the tip line. Finally, he chose not to include one witnesses (Ms. O’Donnell) statement in his reports. This damaged Brocchini’s testimony and was a win for the defense. When asked about this the jury said that this was not a good look for the state, but it wasn’t Brocchini’s testimony that convinced them that Scott was guilty, it was detective Grogan’s. And of course, Scott’s own behavior and movements that day.
Five women who were pregnant went missing
Another piece of evidence spread around by Scott apologists is the fact that five pregnant women, seven if you include Evelyn and Laci, went missing in the time around Laci’s disappearance. Additionally, it was touted that these women all went missing from Northern California and area where 15 million people reside. Five women would be an interesting coincidence if they went missing from Modesto, or even the same county, but this is not the case.
Pregnant woman heckled
In one documentary on the case a pregnant woman in Modesto claimed that on Christmas eve, 2002 when she was heavily pregnant, she was opening her shop at about 11:00 am when she was “heckled” by two men. The incident made her uncomfortable enough that she got a male co-worker who told the men to get lost. While this is an interesting piece of information it doesn’t prove anything.
Not enough time to commit the murders
Some of Scott’s supporters will tell you that Scott had no time to commit these murders because his whereabouts were known for all of the day on Christmas eve. First, this assumes Laci was killed during Scott’s timeline which obviously wasn’t going account for this. Second, it does not explore the possibility that Scott killed his wife before 8:30am on the 24th when Scott said he got up for the day.
Incompetent legal counsel
There are also some people who are concerned that Mark Geragos was incompetent as Scott’s attorney. Mark Geragos has represented Michael Jackson, Winona Ryder, Jussie Smolet, Robert Clinton, Chris Brown and many other prominent clients. In general, he argues down and makes sure his clients never land in jail but rather get counseling, probation, and community service. Geragos may be cocky, but he is far from incompetent.
Tried in the court of public opinion
You cannot talk about this case without mentioning that Scott Peterson was tried in the court of public opinion. There is no denying this and an unbiased jury was hard to compile. But if history has shown us anything it is that good attorneys can keep hated clients (OJ Simpson, Casey Anthony) out of jail. Scott’s representation was the best of the best and he was still convicted.
The jury and the rush to judgment angle
The jury actually thought about this in deliberations pretty extensively. This idea of rush to judgement was woven through the opening statement as well as Geragos’ performance in the early weeks of the trial. In those first few weeks most jurors agreed that acquittal was on the horizon. Not only did the Modesto police seem to have tunnel vision, they made some extensive mistakes, and Geragos presented information in a much more interesting and compelling way. He made big promises to show Scott as “stone cold innocent” and vowed to bring witnesses who would break the case wide open. But after months of testimony and no compelling witnesses the jury had to convict because it wasn’t about who was more entertaining to watch. It was about the fact that 1) Scott was fishing in the vicinity of Laci’s body. 2) Scott washed himself and his clothes before even calling his missing wife. 3) Scott was the last person to see Laci alive. 4) And that Scott had a means, motive, and opportunity like no one else did. Although the jury were rubbed the wrong way by Scott’s demeanor, Scott was not convicted because the jury simply thought he seemed like he was lying or had bad character.
Random Info
Who’s is supporting Scott?
Scott’s supporters are mainly women most notably his sister Susan Caudillo, and his sister in law Janey Peterson. They run several websites and blogs about the case and call themselves the SPA (Scott Peterson Appeal) team. Their websites are linked below. They have explanations for everything Scott did in this case and spew their beliefs all over the internet.
The SPA team has pushed forward other suspects besides the ones discussed at trial. Laci’s family are some of their favorite suspects. Ron Grantski, Brent Rocha, Dennis Rocha, Amber Frey, and Amy Rocha have all been mentioned as possible suspects. For example, the SPA team throws suspicion on Dennis Rocha as Dennis had “deep-seated hatred” towards Scott. How do they know this? During his victim impact statement at the end of the trial Dennis said to Scott “You always thought you were better than us.” Apparently, this shows that Dennis had the motive to kill Laci or something. I don’t know their explanations are bizarre.
Why is Scott getting an appeal and maybe a new trial?
Scott is getting an appeal and maybe a new trial for two reasons. First, Scott gets a series of appeals because he was sentenced to death. It is routine for death row inmates to get a variety of appeals before their execution. The reason that Scott is possibly getting a new trial is because of issues with the jury in the first trial. As discussed above the case was incredibly hard to get a jury for and the appeals attorney is asking for a new trial due to juror misconduct, unreliable sniffer dog evidence, and issues with dismissed jurors. Scott is NOT getting a new trial due to new evidence, poor legal representation, or corruption within the police department or DAs office.
Misconceptions
There are two major misconceptions I have seen mentioned online and I wanted to correct them here before the end of this piece. The first misconception that was spread by the media was that the Petersons’ house smelled like bleach when patrol officers first arrived. This was not true; patrol officers never reported this. The second misconception is that Diane Jackson saw the Medina home being robbed on the 24th. This is not true. Diane saw three men by a van who she thought were landscapers. She only reported this information when she learned of Laci’s disappearance later that day. Diane Jackson never saw the men robbing the house or carrying a safe to the van.
Sources:
These books are a good place to start:
Deadly game by Catherine Crier
Presumed guilty by Matt Dalton
We the Jury by the members of the jury
Blood Brother by Anne Bird
For Laci by Sharon Rocha
The Murder of Laci Peterson by Pete Dove
Because most books are anti-Scott, I also read all information on these pro Scott websites in order to be thorough.
https://www.scottpetersonappeal.org/
https://pwc-sii.com/
An interesting Psychology today article- https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/blind-injustice/201801/is-scott-peterson-innocent-part-one
If you want some laughs check out the Scott is Innocent Facebook page. There are a lot of people who think that Laci was abducted for a ritual purpose and that it has something to do with something called Pizza gate and Hollywood elites who cruise around northern CA abducting Hispanic looking women and cutting out their babies. (No, I am not kidding.)
If you want some thought provoking information about the Peterson family read this reddit post- https://www.reddit.com/ScottPetersonCase/comments/9eu7zi/peterson_family_lies/
Conclusion
After researching, reading, and exploring this case I think it is safe to say that Scott Peterson is guilty of his wife’s murder and that the doubt in this is case is not reasonable doubt at all. With that being said I do not think the media allowed for Scott to get an unbiased jury and I do think the hate spewed towards Scott’s family by the public was cruel and inappropriate, like the one bystander outside the court house who yelled at Jackie “I hope they fry your son!” However, I think if Scott gets a new trial, which he deserves, the outcome will likely be the same. What do you think, is there really doubt in the Laci Peterson case?
submitted by Quirky-Motor to UnresolvedMysteries [link] [comments]


2020.08.18 20:17 Najwa2609 Major breast surgery too much for a starting relation/dating?

I would love to get some opinions on this, I am in a beginning of a relation/dating a guy for a couple of months. Before this started I had decided to have a breast surgery. I had already planned it and paid deposition, and can’t cancel or I would loose the deposit. I had already a date set and scheduled, so too expensive to re-schedule. But this surgery will mean I will have to be wearing a surgical thick top/bra for 5-6 weeks, can’t have sex for 3 weeks, and having prominent scars for 6-9 months before they start fading. I already have been intimate with him. And now I am thinking, is this way to much for something just in the beginning? It would have been easier with a long term partner, coming out from a previous long term relation I am completely lost on how to handle this or what is right or ok or way too much? Would love to hear your feedback! Thanks
submitted by Najwa2609 to RelationshipsOver35 [link] [comments]


2020.08.18 20:15 Najwa2609 Do you think major breast surgery and it’s stringent aftercare limitations is too much on a beginning relation/dating?

I would love to get some opinions on this, I am in a beginning of a relation/dating a guy for a couple of months. Before this started I had decided to have a breast surgery. I had already planned it and paid deposition, and can’t cancel or I would loose the deposit. I had already a date set and scheduled, so too expensive to re-schedule. But this surgery will mean I will have to be wearing a surgical thick top/bra for 5-6 weeks, can’t have sex for 3 weeks, and having prominent scars for 6-9 months before they start fading. I already have been intimate with him. And now I am thinking, is this way to much for something just in the beginning? It would have been easier with a long term partner, coming out from a previous long term relation I am completely lost on how to handle this or what is right or ok or way too much? Would love to hear your feedback! Thanks
submitted by Najwa2609 to AskMenAdvice [link] [comments]


2020.08.17 23:11 SummeR_76 My Therapist Said To Write Book

My therapist said to write a book- I don't think it's worth it to be honest. I don't feel like what I've experienced is out of the ordinary really... but I do need to feel seen. I spend a lot of the time trying to be normal, with my childhood just circling my brain everyday all day. It's exhausting. My mom and dad lived together until I was about 10. I am the oldest of 6 kids. Our house was always a mess, dishes never done. My dad yelled at my mom because dinner wasn't ready after church and he threw all of our food and dishes onto the driveway. He would regularly beat me, he called it discipline God told him to administer. He used the long plastic rod used to close the window blinds and would have me take my clothes off and he would hold my head down in the bathtub and pin my legs between his while I screamed until I passed out. He always told my mom, you know I have to do this, and she would agree, and he would lock her out of the bathroom. I would wake up in her lap with ice packs on my bruises. He would crawl on the ground to me and promise to never hurt me like that that he loved me. I remember hating him, but being too scared to do anything but say I forgave him. He would call a family meeting and tell us we were too expensive to feed so he and my mom needed to get rid of some of us. And then he would laugh while we all cried. My mom left him a few times but always went back eventually until I was 12 when she moved to my relatives basement on a farm. He got the kids and I on the weekends. While we were with him he would let us watch pornographic films. He would call us into his room one at a time for special time. Mine entailed undressing because he said I looked uncomfortable and rubbing his back and feet for hours until he said I could stop and then he would lay on me and lick my ears and neck and tell me he was just tickling me but I shouldn't tell anyone because they wouldn't understand and the police would take us kids away. He would talk about suicide and how he would kill himself but the Bible said that people who commit suicide go straight to hell. When I was riding in the car with him if I made him unhappy he would swerve the car and make me smack my head on the window. He would joke in front of his friends about how I was the fat ugly daughter. When I got my first bra he wouldn't stop touching it. He pinched my butt and always had me sit on his lap. One of his friends took his penis out and chased me and when I told him he laughed and said I hadn't understood what the situation was. My parents were Baptist and their church didn't believe in divorce so they had to have meetings with the elders and my mom had to give proof as to why she needed to divorce my dad so it was all a very public mess and we lost a lot of friends. My dad would tell us kids that my mom claimed he forced her to have sex. Details no kid should hear. He would show us old lingerie photos he had of her. Meanwhile, my little sister told my mom what my dad was doing and my mom said to not keep secrets from her but then never did anything.. my mom was gone a lot so I cooked and cleaned and too care of my brothers and sisters. I did everything I could to make my mom happy. The basement where we lived was always filthy. Dog feces everywhere. We didn't have enough food so my mom would go through the expired groceries that the stores took out and would get our breads and such from the dumpster. She also homeschooled us, but she didn't teach us anything just had us do chores and clean. My mom would spend a lot of time sleeping. Looking back now I realize that was depression. Because we were so dirty we got sick. We all got parasites for several months and I couldn't leave my bed. I lost a lot of weight. Around that time I started to pretend I had a hole inside of me. Because I got into trouble showing emotions I would just pretend that I didn't have any I just had a hole and so no one could hurt me because I wasn't there. I started to feel grey and I would lose track of where I was, but it felt a lot better then being in the real world. My mom would have long talks with me and tell me she couldn't do any of it without me, which I knew was true. I felt close to her and I loved her very much. But nothing I did seem to make her happy enough. She always seemed empty. She started online dating, met a man several states away. She flew out to meet him and stayed with him a few weeks. I was scared she wouldn't come back. She came back and got engaged. We finally got to meet him, he didn't talk to us. But I had this vision in my head of our happy family and I would have a dad to hold my hand and keep my monsters away. Who would tell me I was a good daughter and would be proud of me. When it was time for them to get married the pastor said he wouldn't marry them unless I approved. I said I didn't know him but I wanted my mom to be happy so yes they could get married. My mom told us we were moving out of state and gave us 24 hours to pack and leave. Her new husband was a silent man as old as my grandpa. When he did speak it was to yell at us to be quite and to make fun of us etc.. but my mom was happy. We had new rules. No radio/music/TV/computephone no dancing no ungodly singing, no sleep overs no friends no certain books, we went to church 3 times a week and on Sunday went 2x. My brother became violent. He would call me a stupid slut or druggie and hit me but I understood why, my step dad was the meanest towards him. And boys handle pain in their hearts differently. My mom fasted a lot and didn't eat much and really valued being thin. I was always heavy. But I started fasting and lost 100 lbs and everyone started telling me I was beautiful so I became bulimic and anorexic. I like drawing and I entered a painting into the state fair where it won best of show. My mom refused to pick it up though because the girl in the painting was smoking and it went against the family values. We were still homeschooled but my mom continued to not teach us. I knew I was behind because I was 15 and didn't know my multiplication or division. The only thing I was good at and currently can do is read. Thank God for Google. I begged and cried to go to a real school but I wasn't accepted into them because I couldn't test into the appropriate grade. She finally started me a a school run by her church. All the teachers there would mock me and say this is why you don't homeschoole. I just wanted to learn but it was too much so I stopped trying. They said it was because I wasn't a Christian and didn't love God. And told me I was going to hell. I started cutting. I would rub salt into the cuts and duck tape the salt in so the wounds wouldn't heal. My step dad took me to a purity ball and I had to vow to stay pure until marriage. No dates sex kissing. My mom started sending me to a religious camp in Arizona every summer. I would beg her not to make me go. She would send me with no phone. I would get up at 3:30am and work in their kitchens until 8:30PM with lots of church and Bible study. No tight clothes or makeup. No music. If anyone was offended by you they could report you and you would be counciled on how you were leading the men astray with your ungodly body. One time I came back to find she had moved me into my sisters room and had painted all over the pictures I had painted on my walls because they were ungodly. I tried to kill myself. Several times. No one wanted me. I asked for therapy because I knew there was something wrong with me but my mom only sent me to pastors who told me it was my job to submit to my parents. When I was 18 I moved back with my dad. Why? Because I wanted to die and I wanted some closure first. He denied everything. But then spent the whole year I was with him calling me a stupid bitch. A whore. A slut. I worked two jobs because he called me lazy, he took all my money because I owed him. He and my step mom drugged tested me because I couldn't be trusted. When I went out he would follow me and call me all the time. His friends would steal my underwear and he would laugh. He would make my little step sister and her friends show him their breasts. He would make my step sister beat me until I hit her back because I needed to toughen up. Eventually they kicked me out, I was homeless a bit. Ended up in some abusive relationships. Got pregnant. My mom called me and said she wanted to help me, and I thought that meant she was going to love me and was changing. But when I came back it was the same stuff. When I wanted to get on birth control I was a whore because it meant I was killing a baby every time I had sex and cheating on my future husband. My grandmother said that since I got a tattoo no good man would love me. So I moved into my own apartment with my daughter. I couldn't afford enough food, my family refused to help me with groceries or rent or bills or babysitting. Because I was living a sinful lifestyle. I received groceries once and that was because it was winter time and my daughter had gotten pneumonia and I had no food or money for her medicine. Praise God for the Doctor at the time, I was crying explaining that I couldn't buy the tylenol needed for her fever because I had no money so the doctor wrote a prescription for everything. My car was repossessed. I washed my clothes in my bathtub. But with my baby girl I was happier then I'd ever been. I had someone to love and new standards to set for us both. No more toxic people. I still wanted my mom to love me though. She stopped letting my little brothers and sisters come see me because I was living a sinful lifestyle but said when they turned 18 they could come over. That broke my heart. I met a good man. He started helping me with groceries, bills, he held me through every panic attack and nightmare. He was gentle and kind to my daughter. He suggested therapy. I was against it honestly, and it wasn't a good experience the first few months. But its been 4 years with him and 2 years of therapy, I'm on meds now and life is like heaven. I dont have as many nightmares, I eat more, I've stopped trying to make my mom love me and accept me. I'm about 70 lbs heavier but he loves me. And I've learned to love myself. He bought my daughter and I my dream house, and my youngest brother lives with me now because I want to help all of my siblings I can. They all are badly lacking in education and my 16 year old sister reads and writes like a 8 year old. But they have me, and I have my man and daughter and therapist who has adopted me unofficially. I am supposed to tell myself that I am good, that I deserve good things. I am working on that. I don't like to be around people. But I'm trying to change that. I know trauma is hereditary and I want my little girl to have a life that I always wanted as a child. With no lack of love or acceptance. I know this is long. But if it helps anyone it's worth it. If you are stuck there now, it won't be forever. As long as you don't give up and give in to what the negativity tells you. We are all worthy. And yes I have bad days, some days life feels too exhausting. But I have a good support system and it never lasts forever. 🌻 please don't give up, and if you need a virtual hug I'm here 🌻
submitted by SummeR_76 to abusiverelationships [link] [comments]


2020.08.17 22:47 Xirsa My Nana married a creep

I've never really sat down and written all of this out before, and I keep getting reminded about it, so I figured I could post it somewhere to kinda, I don't know, vent, I guess. And since this subreddit is about encounters with creeps, I figured you guys might get some entertainment out of it, too.
So first of all, the woman I call Nana in this story isn't actually related to me, but for most of my life she and her husband were like grandparents to me. I grew up poor, and they lived in a nice house, so going to their house was like a super cool vacation. Well, when I was 12, Nana's husband (whom my sisters and I affectionately called Pappy) died from lung cancer. It was rough on me since his funeral was held on my 12th birthday, but it was obviously rougher on Nana. She changed after that and started acting like you'd expect someone to act if they were going through a mid-life crisis. She bought a stripper pole, got a back tattoo, and things like that even though she'd been pretty conservative before.
And then she, out of nowhere, started dating and married another man, like, SUPER fast. We'll call him T. At first, T didn't seem too bad. He was kinda weird, but I just thought it was because he was "the new guy" as it were. Now T, you need to know, was probably in his late 50s to early 60s, and I was only 15 or 16 when I met him. The first red flag came after T offered to take me for a ride on his motorcycle. I thought riding on a motorcycle would be cool since I'd never done it before, and he was Nana's husband. What did I have to worry about?
So we're on the motorcycle, and he's driving me around. Everything's fine. And then he tells me I need to scoot closer and hold on tight or I'm gonna fall off. Obviously, I listen to him, and that was the first time he touched my leg. Just a pat on my shin. I didn't think anything of it. But then he did it again, and again, and again. At that point, I was getting a little bit uncomfortable, so I pulled away from him a little bit. He tells me I need to hold on, and when I hesitate he, no joke, tells me, "I'm not trying to feel those big old titties on my back, I just don't want you to fall off." That should have been the moment where I told everyone he was a creep, including Nana, but I let it go like an idiot.
Cut to a little while later, and T has continued to make me uncomfortable damn near every time I visit, but I still haven't told anyone anything. I wake up one morning and go to the kitchen to make some cereal. I'm wearing nothing but a long nightgown and panties, no bra or anything because I literally just woke up. Well, T comes into the kitchen and sees me standing at the counter. He walks up behind me, wraps both of his arms around my waist and pulls me against him. I froze, but then he mumbled in my ear, "You're so sexy." Then he walked away.
That was the breaking point. I told my parents and my then-boyfriend (now husband) what happened. I refused to go back to Nana's the next time she asked me to go, and when I told her why, her only response was, "But he does that kind of stuff to everyone." Needless to say, I cut her out of my life for that. A few years down the line, I heard that T died, and Nana came groveling to me, trying to get me to meet with her. I went, but things between me and her have never gone back to the way they were. I suspect they never will.
Edit: Y'all are being super cool. Maybe I'll pop back in later to tell some more stories. Thankfully, I don't have all THAT many encounters with creeps, but I got a few.
Edit 2.0: I just realized I put 14th birthday on here. It was actually 12th. Jfc, I'm coming up on 30, but apparently the dementia is trying to hit me early. XD
submitted by Xirsa to creepyencounters [link] [comments]


2020.08.17 22:33 SummeR_76 My Therapist Said To Write A Book

My therapist said to write a book- I don't think it's worth it to be honest. I don't feel like what I've experienced is out of the ordinary really... but I do need to feel seen. I spend a lot of the time trying to be normal, with my childhood just circling my brain everyday all day. It's exhausting. My mom and dad lived together until I was about 10. I am the oldest of 6 kids. Our house was always a mess, dishes never done. My dad yelled at my mom because dinner wasn't ready after church and he threw all of our food and dishes onto the driveway. He would regularly beat me, he called it discipline God told him to administer. He used the long plastic rod used to close the window blinds and would have me take my clothes off and he would hold my head down in the bathtub and pin my legs between his while I screamed until I passed out. He always told my mom, you know I have to do this, and she would agree, and he would lock her out of the bathroom. I would wake up in her lap with ice packs on my bruises. He would crawl on the ground to me and promise to never hurt me like that that he loved me. I remember hating him, but being too scared to do anything but say I forgave him. He would call a family meeting and tell us we were too expensive to feed so he and my mom needed to get rid of some of us. And then he would laugh while we all cried. My mom left him a few times but always went back eventually until I was 12 when she moved to my relatives basement on a farm. He got the kids and I on the weekends. While we were with him he would let us watch pornographic films. He would call us into his room one at a time for special time. Mine entailed undressing because he said I looked uncomfortable and rubbing his back and feet for hours until he said I could stop and then he would lay on me and lick my ears and neck and tell me he was just tickling me but I shouldn't tell anyone because they wouldn't understand and the police would take us kids away. He would talk about suicide and how he would kill himself but the Bible said that people who commit suicide go straight to hell. When I was riding in the car with him if I made him unhappy he would swerve the car and make me smack my head on the window. He would joke in front of his friends about how I was the fat ugly daughter. When I got my first bra he wouldn't stop touching it. He pinched my butt and always had me sit on his lap. One of his friends took his penis out and chased me and when I told him he laughed and said I hadn't understood what the situation was. My parents were Baptist and their church didn't believe in divorce so they had to have meetings with the elders and my mom had to give proof as to why she needed to divorce my dad so it was all a very public mess and we lost a lot of friends. My dad would tell us kids that my mom claimed he forced her to have sex. Details no kid should hear. He would show us old lingerie photos he had of her. Meanwhile, my little sister told my mom what my dad was doing and my mom said to not keep secrets from her but then never did anything.. my mom was gone a lot so I cooked and cleaned and too care of my brothers and sisters. I did everything I could to make my mom happy. The basement where we lived was always filthy. Dog feces everywhere. We didn't have enough food so my mom would go through the expired groceries that the stores took out and would get our breads and such from the dumpster. She also homeschooled us, but she didn't teach us anything just had us do chores and clean. My mom would spend a lot of time sleeping. Looking back now I realize that was depression. Because we were so dirty we got sick. We all got parasites for several months and I couldn't leave my bed. I lost a lot of weight. Around that time I started to pretend I had a hole inside of me. Because I got into trouble showing emotions I would just pretend that I didn't have any I just had a hole and so no one could hurt me because I wasn't there. I started to feel grey and I would lose track of where I was, but it felt a lot better then being in the real world. My mom would have long talks with me and tell me she couldn't do any of it without me, which I knew was true. I felt close to her and I loved her very much. But nothing I did seem to make her happy enough. She always seemed empty. She started online dating, met a man several states away. She flew out to meet him and stayed with him a few weeks. I was scared she wouldn't come back. She came back and got engaged. We finally got to meet him, he didn't talk to us. But I had this vision in my head of our happy family and I would have a dad to hold my hand and keep my monsters away. Who would tell me I was a good daughter and would be proud of me. When it was time for them to get married the pastor said he wouldn't marry them unless I approved. I said I didn't know him but I wanted my mom to be happy so yes they could get married. My mom told us we were moving out of state and gave us 24 hours to pack and leave. Her new husband was a silent man as old as my grandpa. When he did speak it was to yell at us to be quite and to make fun of us etc.. but my mom was happy. We had new rules. No radio/music/TV/computephone no dancing no ungodly singing, no sleep overs no friends no certain books, we went to church 3 times a week and on Sunday went 2x. My brother became violent. He would call me a stupid slut or druggie and hit me but I understood why, my step dad was the meanest towards him. And boys handle pain in their hearts differently. My mom fasted a lot and didn't eat much and really valued being thin. I was always heavy. But I started fasting and lost 100 lbs and everyone started telling me I was beautiful so I became bulimic and anorexic. I like drawing and I entered a painting into the state fair where it won best of show. My mom refused to pick it up though because the girl in the painting was smoking and it went against the family values. We were still homeschooled but my mom continued to not teach us. I knew I was behind because I was 15 and didn't know my multiplication or division. The only thing I was good at and currently can do is read. Thank God for Google. I begged and cried to go to a real school but I wasn't accepted into them because I couldn't test into the appropriate grade. She finally started me a a school run by her church. All the teachers there would mock me and say this is why you don't homeschoole. I just wanted to learn but it was too much so I stopped trying. They said it was because I wasn't a Christian and didn't love God. And told me I was going to hell. I started cutting. I would rub salt into the cuts and duck tape the salt in so the wounds wouldn't heal. My step dad took me to a purity ball and I had to vow to stay pure until marriage. No dates sex kissing. My mom started sending me to a religious camp in Arizona every summer. I would beg her not to make me go. She would send me with no phone. I would get up at 3:30am and work in their kitchens until 8:30PM with lots of church and Bible study. No tight clothes or makeup. No music. If anyone was offended by you they could report you and you would be counciled on how you were leading the men astray with your ungodly body. One time I came back to find she had moved me into my sisters room and had painted all over the pictures I had painted on my walls because they were ungodly. I tried to kill myself. Several times. No one wanted me. I asked for therapy because I knew there was something wrong with me but my mom only sent me to pastors who told me it was my job to submit to my parents. When I was 18 I moved back with my dad. Why? Because I wanted to die and I wanted some closure first. He denied everything. But then spent the whole year I was with him calling me a stupid bitch. A whore. A slut. I worked two jobs because he called me lazy, he took all my money because I owed him. He and my step mom drugged tested me because I couldn't be trusted. When I went out he would follow me and call me all the time. His friends would steal my underwear and he would laugh. He would make my little step sister and her friends show him their breasts. He would make my step sister beat me until I hit her back because I needed to toughen up. Eventually they kicked me out, I was homeless a bit. Ended up in some abusive relationships. Got pregnant. My mom called me and said she wanted to help me, and I thought that meant she was going to love me and was changing. But when I came back it was the same stuff. When I wanted to get on birth control I was a whore because it meant I was killing a baby every time I had sex and cheating on my future husband. My grandmother said that since I got a tattoo no good man would love me. So I moved into my own apartment with my daughter. I couldn't afford enough food, my family refused to help me with groceries or rent or bills or babysitting. Because I was living a sinful lifestyle. I received groceries once and that was because it was winter time and my daughter had gotten pneumonia and I had no food or money for her medicine. Praise God for the Doctor at the time, I was crying explaining that I couldn't buy the tylenol needed for her fever because I had no money so the doctor wrote a prescription for everything. My car was repossessed. I washed my clothes in my bathtub. But with my baby girl I was happier then I'd ever been. I had someone to love and new standards to set for us both. No more toxic people. I still wanted my mom to love me though. She stopped letting my little brothers and sisters come see me because I was living a sinful lifestyle but said when they turned 18 they could come over. That broke my heart. I met a good man. He started helping me with groceries, bills, he held me through every panic attack and nightmare. He was gentle and kind to my daughter. He suggested therapy. I was against it honestly, and it wasn't a good experience the first few months. But its been 4 years with him and 2 years of therapy, I'm on meds now and life is like heaven. I dont have as many nightmares, I eat more, I've stopped trying to make my mom love me and accept me. I'm about 70 lbs heavier but he loves me. And I've learned to love myself. He bought my daughter and I my dream house, and my youngest brother lives with me now because I want to help all of my siblings I can. They all are badly lacking in education and my 16 year old sister reads and writes like a 8 year old. But they have me, and I have my man and daughter and therapist who has adopted me unofficially. I am supposed to tell myself that I am good, that I deserve good things. I am working on that. I don't like to be around people. But I'm trying to change that. I know trauma is hereditary and I want my little girl to have a life that I always wanted as a child. With no lack of love or acceptance. I know this is long. But if it helps anyone it's worth it. If you are stuck there now, it won't be forever. As long as you don't give up and give in to what the negativity tells you. We are all worthy. And yes I have bad days, some days life feels too exhausting. But I have a good support system and it never lasts forever. 🌻 please don't give up, and if you need a virtual hug I'm here 🌻
submitted by SummeR_76 to abusiveparents [link] [comments]


2020.08.16 03:46 jg429 Sub Survey Results!!

Thanks to everyone who filled out the survey! I was hoping to get some insight into what's bringing people here and how we can improve, and I think we mostly met that goal! You can go on a deep dive into the results below.
In general, people come here because of the sense of community and how nice everyone is. Ways we can improve: more engagement with each other and with the band (I lost count of how many people asked for Rian's AMA lol). The mods will work on what we want to do with some of these ideas and go from there.
81 people filled out the survey. Last year, we had 65 responses. I linked the results to the last survey, but I have not yet gone through to see what's similar and what's different.
Disclaimer #1: Some comments were lightly edited for clarify or spelling.
Disclaimer #2: Next time I think I want to do a survey, someone please remind me how much freaking work it is to put all the data together.
Disclaimer #3: My comments are in bold, as are the top selections for each category. I was a little sassy.
Reminder: There are controversial opinions about the band and normal song opinions. You're welcome to respond to anything but remember to be nice and respectful. Everyone is entitled to their opinions and mostly everyone is here because of how welcoming the community is.

Demographics

Gender

Location
State (if in US)
Age

All-Time Stats

How Long Have You Been Listening to ATL?
First Album/EP You Listened To?
Where Does ATL Fit Into Your Favorite Bands?
How Many Times Have You Seen ATL Live?
Do you watch/listen to Crash Test Live/Full Frontal?

Opinions

Favorite Album/EP?
Least Favorite Album/EP

Favorite Song
Least Favorite Song
Favorite Opener - this band has some great openers. I went with Reckless but it was hard to choose!
Favorite Closer
Favorite Part of ATL
Least Favorite Part of ATL - this is why we're all reading this post, right?
Favorite B-Side
Favorite Song to Hear Live
Least Favorite Song to Hear Live
Dream song to hear live that they WILL NOT PLAY?
Do you have a favorite member?
Wow us with your controversial opinions/hot takes: or is it THIS section we're all here for?

Sub Feedback

How long have you been subscribed to alltimelow?

How often do you come here?
What other subs do you frequent? I took out all the because that seemed super spammy
What other fan spaces do you use? (To interact with other fans, not to follow the band/members)
If you use other spaces, how does the sub compare?
What do you like about the sub?
How could we improve?
What would you like to see on the sub for content/activity?
Anything You Want To Add?
submitted by jg429 to alltimelow [link] [comments]


2020.08.14 03:37 rosetintedaquarius unfried dough looking for my Zuko

gender: woman
age: 19
major: Existential Crisis Studies. some people have body dysmorphia. I have major dysmorphia (and body dysmorphia)
ethnicity: North Korean
interests: dEeP talks, learning to code(hypothetically), settling for Biden, art, politics, human rights, philosophy, tiktok, disappearing into nature for worrisome amounts of time, weed, Jazz, folk, Indie, punk, experimental, I was bullied out of liking anime in the 5th grade, pretentious films, poetry, psychedelics, changing my major, never finishing writing my book, fashion, economic theory (but also socialism), rejecting invites on LinkedIn
height: lil shorty, but lil baddie - 5’4
pros of dating me: good date ideas- dancing to record player, road trips, running though art museums together, thriftshopping, I’ve burned my bra, will throw a Molotov cocktail, therapist vibes, taught myself to twerk during quarantine, insomnia ;)
cons of dating me: Will have bi-quarterly periods where i consider starting an OnlyFans. I think I have good communication skills but I don’t. If I’m sad, and it’s not related to you, I won’t tell you- you’ll know because I will be in the corner of my room playing Minecraft dissociating while I build my mid century modern dream house and eat hot Cheetos. If it is about you I will go on excessively long walks and pretend I’m in a coming of age film while listening to my hypothetical wedding playlist. Or I’ll just ghost you. (I’m working on it)
looking for someone with:
gender: guys and girls (still #figuring it out) friends first then relationship?
age: 19-25 (but also bell air is a $5 Uber away)
major: who cares?
ethnicity: who cares?
interests: good soul, will throw Molotov cocktail
height: who cares as long as you can carry me down Tongva Steps (or as long as I can carry you lol)
submitted by rosetintedaquarius to bruindating [link] [comments]


2020.08.11 23:56 pizzaguy573871 How to get out of the mindset that any girl you find attractive is "out of your league"

For reference, I (20M) have been described by some people are relatively fine looking, I'm 6'2", about 175lbs (not fat but not in shape either), blue eyes, white (if that matters).
I've gotten dates from dating apps and stuff, even with girls I've found attractive before. I still can't help but feel that any girl that I see that is even remotely attractive, is out of my league. Sometimes in order to rationalize my feelings of shittiness I'll make up these thoughts in my head that girls have impossibly high standards. How do you work on working past this mindset?
Like, I'm talking to a girl over quarantine rn, and i think she's really cute, but sometimes I have a hard time believing she could find me attractive (even though yesterday she literally sent me a revealing photo of her in a bra). I know you don't want to feel insecure because it comes across in the way you act and carry yourself, so how do I work on getting out of this mindset?
submitted by pizzaguy573871 to dating [link] [comments]


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